- I AM SOOOOOO TIRED!!!! 2006-02-10 00:14:42 Okay I am really tired and I slept for like four hours cause of the stupid F***** biology exam I took yesterday. Just to let you know for all those nerds out there who like science (I am a nerd too).......it gets harder and complicated in college. Like believe me. if u think its easy in high school (which was for me), college is nothing compared to high school. Science is complicated and hard in college. I have this HARVARD professor for biology and hes sooo tough. I mean come on. Just cause he goes to harvard he has to understand that we cannot all be perfect like him. He expects us too do hard work which means noo social life for me. DAMN!!!! Why i am soo stressed out?? cause I am tired and I feel like shit. I procrastinate a lot. I hate it. I hate it and I do it anyways. I am such a hypocrite. Like for my NEW YEARS resolution, I promised myself that I was gonna do good and not procrastinate. Guess what?? I did. I was not suppose to procrastinate and I did. This really will affect my grades in college and I am in the first semester already. I am already screwing up big TIME. I do not know how my friends are able to do this. THey have boyfriends and on top of that some of my friends are engaged. WHAT THE HELL?? I am only 19yrs old. Yeah, Yeah Yeah..... I do have a boyfriend but come on....I am not engaged!!!!! Like come on. Okay .....I am digging myself in a big hole. UGH!!!!!!!! I need to sleep and relax. On top of that my stupid dog peed my bed. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-02-03 20:19:40
Fridays are awesome cause they are. They are the start of the weekends...........Actually they are bad. I HAVE A FREAKING TEST ON WEDNESDAY ON BIOLOGY. okay so I was kidding. Fridays are bad and evil and cruel. The worst day of the entire week PERIOD. Why am I shouting?????? CAUSE I AM MAD. I totally procrastinated and I am such a hypocrite. So much for the New Years Resolution. Mine was to not procrastinate and get at least a 4.0 GPA. Yes I aim f******* high. I tend to aim high allllllllllllll the time. DAMN it. Instead of yelling I think ill just start doing my homework now. so much for having a life. I was kidding by the way. I do have a life except not at this moment. I have no life. My life is pathetic. The only good news are that there are 6 more weeks to spring. Stupid groundhog......it should just stay in its hole and never come out. Its probably jinxing us .....just wait people. Theres gonna be a blizzard like the one we had on April 1. Muahahahahahahahahhaahahahahahahah......................(okay tired)
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BORED, BORED, BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sort of)
2006-02-02 19:34:42
LALALALALALALA........................bored. DOnt know what to write. I want cofee. STARBUCKS IS AWESOME!!
- @_@ (my weirdo face) 2006-01-31 11:47:53 Long time I have not written in this journal. I almost forgot about it. Damn.......its already the end of January. Well, January was okay. It did not snow a lot, wich I hoped it would. So lets see. My life is alright now. I am happy that I have a social life. I am still deciding what I should be when I get older. I am thinking either a doctor ....like a cardiologist like my dad or a bio-technician. I think ill probably be a biochemist or something like that. Its a unique job and ill hopefully find cures for many diseases.....WHICH IS AWESOME!!! I can picture myself receiving a Nobel Peace Prize for my accomplishments.........okay so I am getting ahead of myself. So ....back to reality. This is my second semester and I like it so far. I have a lot of friends in my clases but few I can really trust. I have guy friends too. The thing about having guy friends is that I am really bashful around them. I get like really strange around them. I know that I shouldn;t but I do anyway. Its not like boys are aliens ya know. I hope not!! (be really strange). All during my childhood, I always hanged around boys and had a lot of guy friends. A typical mother would be like "u should hang around girls ur age" or something like that. My mother is not ur average mother. She encourages me all time in the decisions I should take in life. She never juges me. In this case, she always was acceptable of boys being my friends. I did have more guy friends than girls. Always haved. Especially Greek friends, Latino, and Afrrican American friends. I was never shy around them. It was bascially fun times that I wish I can go back to. My older sisters who are like 30 now, disapproved of me having guy friends. They thought I would not behave in a more properly "lady" type of fashion because I would be influenced by my guy friends. I still remember my mom dressing me in lacy satin dresses ....which I hated. I used to come back home from the playground all dirty with mud all over my dress and my hair ina big huge mess. My mom got mad a little. But I did not care. I loved my childhod. I was carefree and wild. I use to climb trees barefoot like a FREAKIN monkey and I use to walk barefoot on the grass and run around playing chase and stuff with my friends. I was a REAL TOMBOY. I still am. But I dress in girly outfits once in a while. Anyways.....I was like that till FREAKIN High school came around. I became timid, shy,and an outcast. A nerd and lonely, lonely girl. I went to a private all GIRL school which basically sucked. IT was a disaster. I would come crying all the time. My sisters were like "SUCK IT UP." I had no choice. My parents sent me there because my sisters went to the same school when I was little. So I basically ad to go. My godmother was a late principal of the school. SHes a nun. So I really had no options left but to go there. I changed from an outspocken, wild, carefree, strong, cheerful type of girl to this shy, timid, quiet, weak little thing. I hated high school. I never knew how much girls were soooooo mean and cruel. No offense to my gender. Gosh!! I seriously don;t know how I managed to survive. It really had an affect on me. So now, its really hard for me to act normal around guys. One thing I hate is when I mention to my guy friends that I went to an all girl school they immediately say "Oh! Ur a lesbian then." I am like "WHAT?" like I seriously get mad. I am not in the least a lesbian. I am not against them either. I am a totally accepting person who accepts everyone the way they are. But I seriously dont like it when people judge.....ya know?? Just cause I went to an all girl school does not mean I am a lesbian. Like everyone says that all the time so I stopped mentioning it. So now, I dont know how to act around guys. I sometimes get nervous and act silly and dumb. Like one time, I was talking to my guy friend on my way to my class and I was so distracted that I walked into a glass door. And in FRONT OF EVERYBODY. ANother time was when I was talkng to another of my guy friends and I almost got hit by a car cause i was distracted. My friend like pulled my arm and pulled me to the other safe side of the pavement. Hes like" ur damn crazy" and stuff. THen we started laughing and I am always picked by his jokes. I seriously can get myself killed. THen another time, I laughed so much in front of my guy friends that I almost chocked on an icecube from the soda. My friend did the Heimleich manuveour on me. I was sooo embaressed. THey laughed after that like a bunch of hyennas. They still hang around me....which is like weird. I still wonder why. I am clueless when it comes to guys. Like I never was like this before. They say like I am fun to be around with and that I am a very unpredictable person. okay...................I guess.................... But that not the point. Like I seriously need help. Why do I have to act like that in front of guys??? I am so nervous. Like giddy. I one time went to get a glass of soda and spilled it all over the floor cause this guy turned around and started talking to me. He just stared at me like I was weird and crazy and then started laughig and left. WHAT AN IDIOT!! at least he could have helped me clean up the mess. This old guy did but ........still. Agh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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THIS IS ME........THE BORING PERSON RETURNS
2005-12-22 16:56:10
okay....so i haven't written for a long time. I am really bad writing journals. You know?? I haven't finished a single diary in my entire life. NEVER. NOT A SINGLE ONE. Thats cause my life sucks and because there is nothing to write about except how i suck and how my life sucks. My life is mostly blank pages. Nothing happens and there is nothing exciting, nothing stimulating, nothing extraordinary about it. Hahahaha........lol....okay so i am lying. A little bit. My life is really boring. Sometimes i have good days and bad days. I just don;t know what is wrong with me. I feel that something is wrong with me. I feel like ....maybe i am too plain or too boring of a person. Theres nothing special about me. I need to change. I want to change. I really do. I want to change my life. But I don;t know how. I have friends ..I sometimes wonder how their life was. AH!!!!!!!!!!! I need to stop talking about this crap. I really do. Okay. NEW SUBJECT.
I am DONE WITH EXAMS!!!!!!!! I am on VACA!!!!!! yes!! but my vacations are boring. One good thing about it is that i sleep. I love sleeping. I don;t know why. Its weird. My sisters boyfriend is a doctor and so is my dad. They both tell me that is a sign of depression. hahahah. ME? Depressed?? I don;t feel depressed. Its not like I need prozac or something. Haha. Ill be like those people on commercials. "Prozac changed my life. Try it! It'll change yours too." haha. So stupid. Completely stupid. I don;t need drugs. DRUGS are BAD!! except for medical reasons. But I don;t need them. I just need to change my life thats all. My christmas this year will be no different than the other ones. Ill get few presents and eat till I get fat....GOD!! Can u believe I have to eat TURKEY ALL OVER AGAIN???????????!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don;t want to eat turkey AGAIN!! Damn!! anyways..besides turkey...Ill then leave cookies and milk for Santa even though I don;t believe in him. Well sometimes I do. Sometimes I believe in him. I only do this because its the spirit of Christmas. Thats all. I usually end up eating the cookies. HHAHAH ...just joking. Lol. If I ate turkey and on top of that cookies ...I would not fit into my size four jeans. I am size four in jeans. So..yeah I am skinny. Ill be fat though this christmas.My dad says its impossible to get fat if in your childhood u weren;t fat. What does my dad know about women crap?? hes a man. Men don;t understand women and they never will. My dad says that men these days are immature and that I have to be careful. My dad says that men are immature sometimes when they are are in their twenties. They don;t become mature yet like we women do. Women become mature quickly then men. HAHA ...what a contradiction. I am probably the only girl who is not mature yet. I should be by now. By I am not. My dad says I have to grow up still. Im already as tall as my mother and sisters. I don;t think I need to grow up. I already stopped growing anyways. I am still 19. Just 19. 19 is not that pleasant. I still don;t know what my future will be like. My life is not planned out yet. All my friends have their whole life planned out and they tell me about what their lifes will be like. I feel soooo left out. When it comes to my turn to tell them what my life will be like.........I am so clueless.I just tell them that I don;t have my life planned out yet. I don;t know what ill be and don;t know how my life will turn out. They just stare at me and say "I feel bad for u; I pity you." DAMN THAT MAKES ME MAD!!!!! I don't need their pity. I DON'T!! I don;t need anyones pity. I am my own person. I stand alone. Its just like that song."I walk a lonely road the only one that I have ever know." Is it wrong that my life is not planned out??? I don;t understand. My life is a complete mess. It really is. I thought this semester was going to be good. Next semester I will make it better. I know I will!!!
This is a bunch of crap i am writing. It really is. all my journal entries are so bad. Mine are the worst ones compared to other people. if anyone reads this let me tell you "your life is completly better than mine. I have the worst life ever compared to yours." UNDERSTAND?? No ones life can be as worse as mine. My life stinks. Period. AHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!! **>_<** okays so I was a little hysterical there. I always am. Okay so thats probably it. I have written a long journal entry. Soemtimes instead of sleeping when I have bad days..usually watching an anime makes me feel better. I don;t know why....but it does. If only my life were different. If only................................i did not feel so alone.
JOURNAL: Miaka999
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