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lalalallalalalala
2006-02-18 22:52:42
I cannot take this anymore
I'm saying everything I said before
All these wordsthey make no sense
I find bliss and ignorance
less i hear the less you say
but you'll find that out anyway
just like before......
Everything u say to me
takes me one step closer to the edge
and i'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
cause i'm one step closer to the edge
and i'm about to break
I find the answers aren't so clear
wish I could find a way to disappear
all these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss and ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
over and over again
Just like before.......
Everything u say to me
takes me one step closer to the edge
and i'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
cause I'm one step closer to the edge
and i'm about to break
everything u say to me
takes me one step closer to the edge
and i'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
cause i'm one step closer to the edge
and I'm about to break, break, break, break, break
SHUT UP WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU,
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP,
SHUT UP WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU,
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP,
SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im about to BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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LINKIN PARK RULES!!!!!!
DAMN!!!!!! WHY AM I SOOOOOOO MAD???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I NEED TO PLAY MY DRUMS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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2006-02-17 20:58:41
yummm...............chocolate is good.
- about my journal 2006-02-16 16:48:40 Its tooo long i know. U dont jave to read it if u dont want too. I felt like writing cause I felt troubled. When I feel troubled I tend to write a lot. I find writing relaxing. So if u dont like reading long journals....well dont read mine then.
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Why me??I fee why ,why why???????
2006-02-16 15:04:35
I feel so alone. I sometimes wish I could runaway from everything. I wish I could turn back time. I sometimes believe in reincarnation. I hope I reincarnate into an eagle or hawk. I love to be a bird cause they are free to go anywhere...no strings attached. THey can fly too. Anyways about why I am feeling this way. Well because I suck. I am a complex person and very hard to understand. Sometimes I dont even know what the hell is bothering me. Which is the case right now. I dont know, but I feel in my heart that something is bothering me and the only thing I can do is right it down in this journal. I have no where to turn to.SO ...i decided ill write it down here (even though people are thinking I gone mental or something). I feel pathetic. I dont know how to explain it. College was not what I thought it would be. I thought it would be great. Its just that I feel scared. Of my future and life. I dont know what to do. I wish my life was planned for me. I wish I knew that everything will be alright. I sm doing bad physically and mentally. Like I am emotionally drained. I did bad on my math test that I got back on wednesday. Man....why?? Even thoug I try hard and try my best, everything goes wrong. I get totally discouraged. Maybe I was not meant to be in college. I did not know that I would make it this far. I am confused and I feel scared of what the future will bring.
************************************************************My dad is a doctor and my mom a teacher. My role model in life is my dad. He is like my best friend. He understands me better than anybody even my mom. Well....my mom understands me in her own dictatorish way. Cause she is sooo rigid and strict. Anyways, ever since I went to peru for 4 months in 2004 and 2005 during the summer ( i stayed less than 4 months but thats the total of months I stayed) I became mesmerized. My family is from there. I have never seen them before for 17 years until 2004. THat was the first time in my life that I have ever seen my family. My family is all over the world. THere are ones living in China, Japan. England, Peru, Italy, Spain, Argentina, U.S (small...like 3), Canada, and I think in Morocco and Portugal and Russia too. So yeah...I have a very large family. I only know half of them. I am in love with Peru. Its people and culture is different. I became so happy that I realized how grateful I am Peruvian even though the only home I knew was U.S (MA my hometown). There are a lot of poor people in PEru. I became so motivated and I knew in my heart that I wanted to help the poor by becoming a doctor. I was very strong in my decision. I knew what I wanted to become. I knew that I wanted to help the poor. But not only in Peru but elsewhere too. Like in Africa or India.
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Right now, I miss PEru. I want to go there so badly. I want to see my family. Its the only place I belong. In high school i never fit in anywhere. And in college, Idont know where I am. I dont fit in either. I am too young like people say. THey think I am not 19. THey think I am 13 or something. WTF??? That is what I think most of the time. Last year in September, I started college for the first time. I had no friends and i did not know anyone. I was nervous and scared. Now I have a bunch of friends. More than in high school. But....i still feel empty inside. I cannot trust these people. My friends have a bunch of problems. THey dont understand me. THey really dont. My friends are doing bad in their courses. THey are failing. THe truth is I feel that I am wasting my time with them. Like when we "study" we end up chatting and not studying at all. I end up studying by myself when they are having a good time. I end up being the one that has to carry the burden of staying up late till 1;00 am before my test that same day. I seriously dont know what to do. I dont. I dont want to not have any friends. But also, I feel that they dont like me. They have their own group of friends too. I feel that I bother them. Its just that.....i dont know.
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I wish i could go back to when iwas younger. I did not care a rats ass what people thought of me. Half the time, I am thinking what people think of me. I am so unsocial(meaning I dont know how to bring a conversation). I dont want to say I am anti social cause i am not. I am just a troubled person confused of how I feel. I dont know really how I feel. I wish I were a different person. But I know that wont happen. I want to change. I want to be happy. I am scared half the time what peopel think of me. I am scared what they would say or what they think of me. I dont know how to be social anymore. I dont even know why I need friends. I dont know. I am too shy. Its really weird cause I am really not. When I am home or with my real friends like since childhood (my friends whom I known since I was 3), I am so cheerful and not scared at all. I dont even see my childhood friends anymore. Thye have their own life and problems. I dont want to intervene.
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Why do I feel this way?? is something wrong with me?? I think so, but its just that I am confused and scared. I dont know. I dont know what the future will bring. I feel like I am in the dark. I dont know where to go or what to do. I feel so discouraged and unmotivated. I feel lost.
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If worse comes to worse,Ill just live in a box and hitch hike to Florida and Ill swim and play with the dolphins. -
OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-02-12 12:12:03
This is really weird. i said we were gonna have a snow blizzard and it CAME TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot believe it. I have pychic powers!!!!!!!! MORE SNOW MORE SNOW MORE SNOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!
M UAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA *coughs* ha.....ha.......
JOURNAL: Miaka999
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