JOURNAL: BigshotSpike (Jordan Peters)

  • 2003-02-20 15:00:13 I started video editing again. I'm starting to get used to Premier. I'm trying to work with both Premier and Ulead. Kind of an interesting experience.
    I won't tell you what I'm doing until my video is complete.
  • 2003-02-13 18:19:44 For those of you who still wish to read my diary go here: 
  • I'm not here 2003-02-08 12:27:00 Music: Dir En Grey "Zan"
    Mood: insane!

  • Scream without raising your voice 2003-02-07 18:51:31

    Eating isn't an option; hunger is a staple diet. Sleep is the enemy; it steals. Cuts and stings don't provide anything but regret. They can't even make numbness go away.
    I threw away one of my knives last night. I think that was for the best.

    I want to stop eating all together. My mind has never felt less cluttered. I feel free. I feel purged.

  • Scream to sigh.... 2003-02-07 16:51:49 Music: Manic Street Preachers
    Mood: angry

    School is simply horrible. So many people... so much hate and disgust, and the feeling is mutual, at least as far as disgust is concerned. I don't really hate anybody at all.

    There are but a handful of people who actually talk to me, and when they do, I can't find it in myself to present a cordial impression. The vast majority of those around me assume that I dislike them simply because I don't speak to them, but I find it pointless to engage in trivial discussions about cars, meaningless sex, french fry preference, or the mundane existence of the ant colonists (irony abounds!).

    On the plus side, people do notice me: my wardrobe (suits, ties, nailpolish, military surplus), my air of indifference/boredom, my ability to upset people. I'm just guessing on these; no one would actually tell me. Maybe they notice me for all the wrong reasons.

    I've given up on sleep. Sleep is escape. Escape has never gotten me anywhere. I must embrace what I am, and it will consume me. This is the way it must be. But whether I do or don't, death seems to be the only option. So I guess I haven't given up on sleep after all.
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