JOURNAL: BigshotSpike (Jordan Peters)

  • I need your love 2003-02-01 19:28:44 Music: The Brilliant Green "I'm So Sorry, Baby"
    Mood: Bittersweet

    Yesterday was pure magic. That's all I can really say. It was really too amazing for words and I'd get too embarrassed if I described everything that happened.

    I had Sep over again after school (it was a half-day). At first we just hung around and watched concerts, then we both watched vol.4 of Hellsing (the best damn series I've seen so far this year). Then we talked and goofed around...yadda yadda yadda...
    Then we went into my room and things got a little "heated". We had a fun time, just exploring each other. It was hilarious how we were both able to carry a normal conversation while we were both taking off each other's clothes and playing with each other. I love her so much. I couldn't stop saying it. She always said back, "you're so adorable". I wanted to make love to her at that very moment, but I just couldn't. She then looked at me. She had this bright gleam in her eyes that accented her angelic smile. I couldn't help but smile back. She then took my hand and started to guide it "down there". I took my finger can imagine what happened from here.
    As I was fingering her she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me closer to her. I could hear her breath get louder and faster as I kept going. I could hear her quiet moans. I could tell she was trying to hold herself back. This went on for a while and I'll bet you can guess the end result. Then she started on me, so we both kinda traded off.

    The thing was, was that I felt that our souls connected. All my problems just vanished away. The only thing I could think about, hear, taste, see, or smell was September...and I loved every millisecond of it. I wanted that moment to last forever.

    It was heaven. Pure ecstacy.

    I love you with all my heart, September. I can't wait for Valentines day. I have some "surprises" to show you.
  • a lyric, a time, a crusade, a line. one minute, a friend, a road without end... 2003-01-30 17:52:41 Music: Zwan "Lyric"
    Mood: braindead

    I picked up the new Zwan album, Mary Star of the Sea. I love it, to say in the least. For the first time in a long while, Billy Corgan sounds he's enjoying himself. Probably because he's not as focused on being the biggest and greatest rockstar who ever lived anymore.
    This CD is fun, mature, and just really great to listen to no matter what mood you're in (much like the early Smashing Pumpkins albums).

    I really liked how Paz came in back-up vocals a few times, like on Honestly and Lyric. Little touches like those made me smile.
    You can still taste that good ole Pumpkin flare though, with the amped up guitars, Billy's recognizable nasal voice, and Jimmy's rythmic and pounding drums.

    Personal favorites: Lyric, Jesus I/Mary Star of the Sea, Honestly, Endless Summer, Of A Broken Summer, and just the whole damn album!

    In short, this album is beautiful and I'd highly recommend it. It was well worth the wait.

    I also picked up the Hellsing DVD vol.4. Let me just say this, GOOD FUCK!

  • It's got me thinking... 2003-01-27 17:27:26 Music: Zwan "Ride a Black Swan"
    Mood: sickly

    I'm going to be listening to nothing but Zwan in the next couple days. Seriously, Zwan is amazing. They have already made 2003 a great year for new music. Billy Corgan is a god, pure and simple. Anything he does is automaticly classic. It's easy for the music to pull you in. All you have to do is let it, and you're hooked.

    I also got the new Dir En Grey sngle, Drain Away. It rules! It combines the melodic elementsof their Gauze album, the dark moodiness of Macabre, and the experimental elements of Kisou. If this is the sound they're gonna stick with...I sure as hell WON'T BE COMPLAINING!

    I also op reading Chynna Clugston Major's "Blue Monday". It's incredible! Once you start reading it, it pulls you in completely. I also like her manga-esque art style. Very fun. I can't wait for Scootergirl, or anything else she has planned.

    I think one of the founding principles of the modern comic-book industry is: if someone thinks it's cool, it must be worth printing.

    The truth is, most of the time, if someone thinks it's cool, someone must be stupid. 
  • We never had to leave for out destination... 2003-01-25 02:27:31 Music: Oblivion Dust "Destination"
    Mood: dreamy and insightful

    BigshotJordan: But yeah, I've had a lot of things on my mind
    BigshotJordan: I am sitting here at the computer... like I do every night, thinking about
    things.. like i do every night.
    Pigskinseason: maybe you should take a break from that--if you do that every night maybe it'd do you some good just to.. not... lol
    BigshotJordan: I've been thinking a lot about dreams. Whenever I think about them, I feel so content with everything I have.
    BigshotJordan: It makes me think about you and the future we'll both share. It makes me feel of so many possibilites
    Pigskinseason: what kind of dreams?
    Pigskinseason: ^-^
    BigshotJordan: Just kinda daydreams about the future
    Pigskinseason: mmhm
    BigshotJordan: Whenever I do that, I don't know...I just feel so content
    BigshotJordan: You see Our society does not teach contentment. It preaches the gospel of MORE.
    More money. More possessions. Newer, Faster, Stronger.
    Pigskinseason: true
    BigshotJordan: I want to tell people to Stop and look around them. To Look at what
    they have. Do they need more? Do you need the better computer? Or the nice car? the big house?
    BigshotJordan: You see, those aren't your real dreams...those are just the dreams chizled into your mind my society
    BigshotJordan: I'm not saying that I know what will make me happy more than any other person might.. I'm just saying that maybe its not so important to be above everyone else and "win"

    BigshotJordan: Maybe you would be happy just sitting in a
    room drawing all day, getting your ideas out of your head. I know I am.

    BigshotJordan: That and being with you
    Pigskinseason: You're so beautiful
    BigshotJordan: thanks
    Pigskinseason: inside and out, you just are beautiful
    BigshotJordan: you flatter me ^_^
  • Forgive me! 2003-01-23 18:31:30 I felt so guilty today. I couldn't forgive myself. I don't see how you could ever forgive me.

    I feel drained. Not physically, but spiritually. I'm also feeling really insecure. Which is very bad seeing as I need that. I am not too sure how productive this e-mail will be. I just wish I could explain everything I feel. But even though there are no words for it, that's nothing against the fear and confusion I have.

    I don't know what to say really. I know all I ever do is apologize, but that never does any good. After lunch I hated myself so much. I couldn't concentrate on anything, knowing that I made you cry. I could hardly bear it. I'm not worth you tears. I don't know how I'm gonna get through the night without being constantly reminded of how much pain I've caused you. I knew you were going to be upset (it would have been weird if you weren't), but I never knew *how much*. I had to let you know about what happened. If I didn't tell you directly, you would have found out somehow…and it probably would have hurt even more.

    Now I'm worried. I'm worried about us. I'm afraid that you're going to call it quits and leave me; that you're gonna figure I'm not worth you love and leave me on my own. I hate causing you pain. And I do it way too often. I'm just starting to wonder: how more hurt could I possibly make you now? It seems that's all I've been doing lately. You've never made me hurt. There's nothing you've done that made me upset or disappointed with you. You treat me so much better than I deserve.
    After all this…usually someone would figure that you would have left me by now and moved onto someone better. But that's my greatest fear. I couldn't take it. It'd push me over the edge. I don't know if I'd be real without you, or whether I'd know what's real or not. I don't even know how I could exist. Please don't leave me over this. I'm begging you.

    I really do love you. Even though all I seem to do is cause you more pain now.
    I can't describe what I'm feeling well enough. My face is tear stained and I can barely mutter out a single word.

    I have been feeling you a lot more now. Maybe that's why I am so drained. Or just why I am feeling everything that I am. One day, I will thank you for everything. I will.

    I promise.

    I love you,


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