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Danger/Wonder Ahead
2004-06-18 16:15:33
I've been having dreams every night for the past week or so. Each one is either tear-evoking or just bizarre. Here's the dreams that I can remember:
- Less than a week ago, I had a dream I was at work and was putting things away (apparently I was closing since it was dark and silent), and I had to go into the back area of the restaurant to get something. In my dream, I felt that I knew the back area was haunted by something. I assumed a poltergeist and here's why: When I went into the back (no clue how I mustered up the courage to go back there), I was suddenly gripped by fear. Literally. Gripped. As if something had taken hold of me from the inside. I instantly woke up, gripping my covers and eyes wide, afraid to fall back to sleep. I woke up at 5 or 6 AM.
- Two nights ago, I dreamed that there was a new ride of some kind (apparently I'm at a carnival of some kind; whatever). I invite all my family members and friends to ride on it with me, and we're having a blast. Suddenly, the horrid feeling of death and sorrow came over me. At this point, either someone is explaining to me or I'm simply becoming aware of it: My mother died on the ride. The excitement from it got to her heart and passed away while on it. After this, I began crying uncontrollably, crying out "Mommy... No..." I woke up with tears pouring down my face, confronted with confusion and sadness.
- Last night, I didn't have a dream, but rather an episode. I had a bloody nose after I fell asleep, and kept waking up various times in the night because the blood kept dripping down into my throat. This afternoon, after waking up, I realized I had huge amounts of blood stuck in my throat and nasal area. Spitting up, throwing up, blowing my nose, I did all that and hope that at this point I'm done. I'm just partially afraid that there's more to this.
I'm not stressed out at the moment. I admit I have a few things on my mind (moving soon, editing, work, etc) but is that enough to push me to having such disturbing dreams? It might have something to do with staying up so late recently, but I dunno. Perhaps it's something bigger. -
asdfgoiafj gl;4uti8 4u0001101010110011
2004-06-16 20:53:45
Yes I know the trailer said May! XO
The current video is almost done and it's looking badass. :O
YES. :D -
These are the best kind of conversations because they're so hard to find
2004-06-15 06:11:10
PieRowM: Figures that such an attention-grabbing thread would be locked eventually
cjhayes85: Well, I asked that it be locked
PieRowM: Yeah I know. It just bugs me that people get so pissed over something that you'd think wouldn't bother anyone except possibly those directly involved.
PieRowM: I mean... for fuck's sake, what's Joykiller's problem?
cjhayes85: No fucking idea
cjhayes85: =
PieRowM: /sigh
cjhayes85: Indeed
PieRowM: Well anywho, my main point was that it's times like this that make me realize the Org will eventually become less and less popular by sane folks.
PieRowM: And in the end, the whole situation will become a Linkin Park song concept.
cjhayes85: Yeup =
PieRowM: Insult to injury ><
cjhayes85: Yeah, really
cjhayes85: However, I'm betting
cjhayes85: That within the next three months, everyone that donated will have their donation back doubled
PieRowM: What makes you think that?
PieRowM: You gonna pay us back or something? :P
PieRowM: That would be the end of a bad joke
cjhayes85: Yeah, I'm going to pay everyone back eventually
PieRowM: Just don't do it in double
cjhayes85: Someone just offered me a job today
PieRowM: Seriously?
cjhayes85: $500 a week
PieRowM: Holy hell
cjhayes85: Yeah
PieRowM: What's the job
cjhayes85: Forklift operator
PieRowM: ... you're shitting me
cjhayes85: If I can get that, I am going to double everyone's donation
cjhayes85: Nope
cjhayes85: Me and my brother
PieRowM: 2000 a month to operate a forklift
cjhayes85: Lol, yes
cjhayes85: It's about time I had some good luck... however, I still need to get the job
PieRowM: .... I'm staring blankly at the screen, trying to decide between congratulating you or raging
PieRowM: What's stopping you?
cjhayes85: lmao
cjhayes85: We called today, but just got the machine
cjhayes85: So we're calling back tomorrow
PieRowM: Ahh
cjhayes85: We did get the guy's name, so at the very least we can call him
PieRowM: heheh
PieRowM: That's awesome for you man! Congratulations :-)'
PieRowM: *minus the '
cjhayes85: Thanks
cjhayes85: You donated $7?
PieRowM: ...
cjhayes85: hehe
PieRowM: I had 13 in the bank when I donated -,-
cjhayes85: Lol, so did you donate?
PieRowM: Yes'm
PieRowM: Makes me wonder why I haven't donated to the Org yet...
cjhayes85: $13 or $7? :P
cjhayes85: Hehe
PieRowM: :'(
PieRowM: I'm mocked for being nice!
cjhayes85: Apparently, Dannywilson and Tom the Fish donated the most
cjhayes85: So they're getting the most back :P
PieRowM: I know Tom donated 100+
PieRowM: What'd DW do?
cjhayes85: Hehe
cjhayes85: I don't know; Nailz didn't say exactly
PieRowM: Hmm
cjhayes85: The big problem is that I need 2k more within a week to pay off my college bill
cjhayes85: Which I didn't mention in that thread
cjhayes85: And is actually 3.3k
PieRowM: A week? You gotta be kidding me
cjhayes85: Nope
PieRowM: Ugh
PieRowM: Well, sucks to be them, cause you couldn't either way, right? :P
cjhayes85: I have 1k tops
cjhayes85: Lol
PieRowM: There ya go
cjhayes85: Too true
cjhayes85: I just hope the gov doesn't come after me with ninjas =
PieRowM: Same with my phone bill. I had to pay about 3/4 of it because I didn't have enough. That and there was a fee for paying it to them at RadioShack. Bastards.
PieRowM: heh... Government Ninjas.
PieRowM: That should be an anime.
cjhayes85: Lol
cjhayes85: Man, if I get this job... I will run for the Pope's office
PieRowM: You could, with the money you'd be making.
cjhayes85: Lol
cjhayes85: It's almost five times what I make now
PieRowM: Y'know what I don't get? In VHD:Bloodlust, they try to fly to the stars, to a city in space... WHERE THERE'S NO AIR.
cjhayes85: Lol
cjhayes85: Dude
cjhayes85: They're vampires
cjhayes85: They don't need air
cjhayes85: Same thing with ninjas
PieRowM: Not the girl. :-X
cjhayes85: Yes she is
PieRowM: Ninjas aren't human?
cjhayes85: Cuz dewd bit her
cjhayes85: Nope
PieRowM: He did not!
cjhayes85: Did too
cjhayes85: omfg yes he did
cjhayes85: They just didn't show it
cjhayes85: It's on Girls Gone Wild Part Anime
PieRowM: ... so, Anime Fiction?
PieRowM: By fans, for fans ;-)
cjhayes85: m'kay
cjhayes85: |:
cjhayes85: Yes indeedy
PieRowM: You know what Anime Fiction is?
cjhayes85: But seriously, I coulda sworn he bit her
cjhayes85: Not in the carriage
cjhayes85: But later
PieRowM: He almost did, but he resisted. She wanted him to, but he said otherwise and she got snappy.
cjhayes85 signed off at 2:08:04 AM.
PieRowM: :-X
Previous message was not received by cjhayes85 because of error: User cjhayes85 is not available.
cjhayes85: Crap, I got disconnected
cjhayes85 signed on at 2:09:20 AM.
PieRowM: What the crap
cjhayes85: Geigh new modem
cjhayes85: My internal modem was fried by a storm
cjhayes85: So I got an external one
cjhayes85: And it sucks
PieRowM: Ugh
cjhayes85: My on-board sound card was also fried
PieRowM: My apologeez
cjhayes85: My life hates me
PieRowM: ... strange way of saying it, but by the looks of things, your luck did get sticky there
cjhayes85: Indeed =
cjhayes85: I think God wants me dead
PieRowM: Nah, I'd say he's just pulling a Job on you.
PieRowM: pun unintended
cjhayes85: CJesus is a usurper to the throne
cjhayes85: Lol, perhaps
cjhayes85: If he is
cjhayes85: I'm going Rambo on His ass
PieRowM: You humans...
cjhayes85: Too true
PieRowM: heh
PieRowM: If only they'd do something about it, much less realize it.
cjhayes85: hehe
cjhayes85: So, how's life been treating you?
PieRowM: I'm getting back into the swing of editing, and my work hours are high enough for a decent paycheck as of late. Hopefully it can stay that way.
cjhayes85: Nice
PieRowM: I'm getting less philosophal and more spiritual, thank God
cjhayes85: That's good
cjhayes85: I used to be that way
cjhayes85: I was much happier then |:
PieRowM: How?
cjhayes85: do you have faith in religion now?
PieRowM: I always did, just questioned it. I kinda still am, which is changing.
cjhayes85: Same
cjhayes85: but faith...
cjhayes85: Is a beautiful thing
PieRowM: Indeed
cjhayes85: I have faith in almost nothing at the moment
PieRowM: Depends on where it's placed, though.
PieRowM: Like putting radioactivity in a spider can be good, but putting it inside your stomach is bad.
cjhayes85: It achieves nothing... except emptiness and a sense of nothingness
cjhayes85: Which is good in certain situations
cjhayes85: Aye
cjhayes85: I've always believe in God
cjhayes85: And still do
cjhayes85: However, I have no faith in mankind... thus, I have no faith in the Bible or any works that could have been influenced by Man
PieRowM: Good call.
PieRowM: How do we know what is God's work besides our own existence?
cjhayes85: I hope so
cjhayes85: Precisely
PieRowM: Our free will and choice are also proof.
cjhayes85: I think it's silly that creationists try to disprove God's existence through evolution
cjhayes85: er
cjhayes85: evolutionists
cjhayes85: Yes
PieRowM: I've always wondered that.
cjhayes85: Have you read Milton's Paradise Lost?
PieRowM: No, but I have it. My brother is totally into this kind of material and gave it to me as a birthday gift.
PieRowM: I could barely get into it, it was so beyond me.
cjhayes85: Read it
cjhayes85: God is somewhat like a man standing on a cliff watching a boat proceed along a long river
PieRowM: hehe
cjhayes85: He can see what lies ahead, and which direction the boat will go, but he can do nothing about it
PieRowM: Good metephor
cjhayes85: Thus His knowledge sees the future, but His power allows our free will
cjhayes85: It's comforting and frightening at once
PieRowM: Frightning that we have huge potential, or that we're so small?
PieRowM: Just thinking about all this makes me want to strike a dramatic pose
cjhayes85: Both
cjhayes85: More that we are alone, in a sense
cjhayes85: Much like a teen leaving his/her parents after college
cjhayes85: Lol
cjhayes85: I'm both a theologian and a philosopher at heart
PieRowM: hehe
PieRowM: Same
PieRowM: What is theology based on?
PieRowM: The term baffles me
cjhayes85: As far as I know, just the study of religion
PieRowM: Ah
cjhayes85: The theories of either one god or many gods
cjhayes85: Although
cjhayes85: I tend to create my own defitions based on what I believe the root words mean, as opposed to the actual definitions
PieRowM: One thing that I go in circles about all the time is me conjuring up different theories about God or gods and feeling bad that I'm in a way questioning my faith :P
cjhayes85: Yeah, I know that feeling
cjhayes85: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=theology
cjhayes85: But I'm sure God allows it
PieRowM: I think He does if we know we shouldn't and try to stop
cjhayes85: Well
PieRowM: Then, forgiveness and humility play in
PieRowM: And all that
cjhayes85: The story of Adam and Eve alone allows us room to breathe
cjhayes85: Humans are meant to explore, and not to necessarily have blind faith (this is my belief)
cjhayes85: I'm sort of interested in the Japanese belief of Shinto
cjhayes85: The power of nature
cjhayes85: But, at the same time, there's no consciousness there
PieRowM: In plants, there could be
cjhayes85: True
PieRowM: They grow and die, but are incapable of movement because of the chloraphyl
cjhayes85: It's really vague
cjhayes85: Yeah
PieRowM: If they could think and act, what would they say besides the whole "quit cutting us down" whatnot
cjhayes85: Heh, I took confirmation
cjhayes85: Yeah
cjhayes85: hehe
cjhayes85: I kept questioning my pastor, and we'd get into long debates
PieRowM: ... thinking about all this and taking it all in, I really do feel small
cjhayes85: It would always end up with him saying that Christians simply needed beliefe
cjhayes85: Oh yeah
PieRowM: Truly religious people are arguement-bait :-X
cjhayes85: Lol, yeah
cjhayes85: I like to not have one strong stand one way or the other
cjhayes85: I like to be open-minded
cjhayes85: But, the psychology part always kicks in right now
PieRowM: Psychology?
cjhayes85: Maybe I'm trying to convince myself that I believe in God
cjhayes85: When, in reality, I'm just seeking security
cjhayes85: Maybe all I believe in is what I can see, or observe
PieRowM: We have this much in common, you and I:
PieRowM: We seek Truth
cjhayes85: Ohh yeah
PieRowM: That is our main goal
cjhayes85: So true
PieRowM: After that, we can base all our decisions on our True findings
PieRowM: And that way, we can feel right. Absolutely right.
cjhayes85: Yeah
cjhayes85: See...
cjhayes85: I have this undying beliefe
cjhayes85: That whatever is truly right
cjhayes85: Will manifest itself in my mind
cjhayes85: And that, if I'm honest with myself, I'll find truth
cjhayes85: But I don't know =
PieRowM: I think I'll know when I die. Or maybe after the afterlife.
cjhayes85: yeah, but that doesn't help uis
cjhayes85: us too =
PieRowM: Not now, anyways.
cjhayes85: Right
PieRowM: All that's needed is patience and hope.
cjhayes85: You've played FF7?
PieRowM: Yeah. One of the best games ever made.
PieRowM: Why?
cjhayes85: Well
cjhayes85: The Lifestream is very interesting
cjhayes85: Scientifically, it makes sense
cjhayes85: Energy cannot be created or destroyed
cjhayes85: Everything, in a sense, is recycyled
PieRowM: If done right, yeah..
cjhayes85: At the same time, it requires faith in some sort of external force to manage things
cjhayes85: A God, if you will
PieRowM: heh
cjhayes85: I don't know... the first time I played FF7 I didn't think anything of it
cjhayes85: But then
cjhayes85: Chaos Angle and Arigatomyna, two of my best friends, both presented their system of beliefs to me
cjhayes85: Which resembled something similar to the FF7 lifestream
cjhayes85: So I gave it more thought
cjhayes85: Angel, btw
cjhayes85: And, I had also studied Aristotle and Plato
cjhayes85: Er, Socrates
cjhayes85: Who believed that people could possibly have previous lives
PieRowM: I see where you're headed
cjhayes85: And these lives, combined, gained knowledged of the Forms
cjhayes85: Oh, it's real deep
cjhayes85: But the basic idea is simple
PieRowM: The idea of our souls and minds being recycled through the True system of things
cjhayes85: Yeah
PieRowM: Interesting concept.
PieRowM: What proof is there of this though?
cjhayes85: Grr... in the end, I believe simplicity is truth
cjhayes85: I don't know
cjhayes85: I'm only 19 =
PieRowM: hahah
PieRowM: That's a great answer
cjhayes85: Lol
cjhayes85: one sec...
cjhayes85: http://www.livejournal.com/users/flint_the_dwarf/
PieRowM: I was just thinking though, to seek Truth, you need to have some kind of proof, which still takes all the theories down to a large amount
cjhayes85: Read the second entry
PieRowM: Hmm
cjhayes85: If I finish this story, I'
cjhayes85: I'll be able to explain it all more clearly
PieRowM: The teaser does it's job well :P
cjhayes85: Hehe
cjhayes85: it's hard to explain to someone who doesn't think the same way I do
cjhayes85: Which is why I need more
PieRowM: I suppose
PieRowM: Although, after talking to you, it seems like we think alike :P
cjhayes85: Very true :P
cjhayes85: I'd always had that suspicion
cjhayes85: did you know someone named Megan...?
cjhayes85: I seem to remember that in your journal
PieRowM: ... Meg...
PieRowM: Yeah, her.
PieRowM: Why.
cjhayes85: Yes
cjhayes85: The first person I believed I loved was named Megan =
PieRowM: What was her last name?
cjhayes85: Lol, Hughes
PieRowM: :P
PieRowM: Good, not the same one
cjhayes85: Hehehe, good
PieRowM: Not like I really loved Meg to be honest. Just a person for me to hold onto at the time.
PieRowM: Even though we used that magical four-lettered word to each other a lot
cjhayes85: yeah, upon reflecting, Megan was the same to me
PieRowM: A mistake and a fake?
cjhayes85: I think a mistake...
cjhayes85: =
cjhayes85: I don't want to get into that though
PieRowM: hehe
cjhayes85: Regardless, she + Evangelion was the cause for my first bout of introspection
PieRowM: Dude, you're reading my life.
cjhayes85: Lol
PieRowM: Eva was my first look inside too.
PieRowM: Although that can be said for a lot of folks I bet...
cjhayes85: Doesn't surprise me
cjhayes85: Yeah
PieRowM: hah, right
cjhayes85: However, how many people can say they'
cjhayes85: their first love interest was a girl named Meg?
cjhayes85: :P
PieRowM: We could make a pie chart! :O
Eva + Meg + Eva/Meg
PieRowM: ... pun unintended
cjhayes85: lmao
cjhayes85: See, I'd always seen you as similar to myself
cjhayes85: Same with Pwolf
PieRowM: Pwolf? Really.
cjhayes85: yeah, but...
cjhayes85: He's more similar to me on a social level
cjhayes85: I'm not sure as to his religious/spiritual beliefs
PieRowM: Me neither
PieRowM: ... I need to start using LJ
cjhayes85: He seems a little too impressionable to have the same beliefs we do
cjhayes85: Dew it!!
PieRowM: Impressionable?
cjhayes85: Yeah...
cjhayes85: He's really... nice
PieRowM: MORMON!!!!111ONE
PieRowM: :P
cjhayes85: Like myself, and I'm guessing like you
cjhayes85: lmao
PieRowM: heh
PieRowM: I try to be
cjhayes85: But he's always let people push him around... much unlike myself
cjhayes85: I don't let people push me around, ever
PieRowM: : That actually sounds like me. The paciffist lifestyle.
PieRowM: I wish I knew how to fight back.
cjhayes85: Ah, yeah
PieRowM: Not literally I mean
cjhayes85: Hehe
cjhayes85: I know what you mean
cjhayes85: Over the past three years, I've grown really aggressive
PieRowM: I'd bust out my lightsaber and be all "HYUAH! HUH! YOOOAAAAJEDI!!"
cjhayes85: And opinionated
cjhayes85: lmao
PieRowM: What made you more aggressive?
cjhayes85: No idea
PieRowM: What changes were made since then?
PieRowM: WHAT'S YOUR SECRET!?
cjhayes85: I think I started to respect my intelligence
cjhayes85: And then
PieRowM: Hmmm
cjhayes85: Overestimated it
cjhayes85: And then learned humility
cjhayes85: But I can still respect myself and others at the same time
cjhayes85: However, I have disdain for most other people
cjhayes85: Because, I work in fast food, and people are FUCKING STUPID
PieRowM: Welcome to Humanity :O
PieRowM: I kinda work in fast food. I bus tables.
cjhayes85: hehe, I know
cjhayes85: Bus tables?
PieRowM: Clean them
cjhayes85: Ahh
cjhayes85: I do that at Taco Bell
cjhayes85: As well as other things
cjhayes85: So, you're in college now?
PieRowM: I just realized it's 3 AM '_'
PieRowM: Yeah. Going to ITT Tech.
cjhayes85: Lol, 5 am here
cjhayes85: That's cool
PieRowM: I'm gonna head to sleep >,<
PieRowM: I didn't know it was this late :P
cjhayes85: Tomorrow's the only day I don't work -
cjhayes85: =
cjhayes85: Hehe
PieRowM: D'oh
cjhayes85: Well then, I'll talk to you later, hotshot
cjhayes85: :P
PieRowM: ;-) See yous Banditos -
Banner Complaint #87484855 (B)
2004-06-15 04:52:42
To those who make banners:
Nobody. Gives a rat's ass. About your lack of opinions.
Get over it. -
Nostalgia! Dog Food! The WORKS!
2004-06-09 16:51:46
Did my sense of smell get better through the night or something? I woke up to the smell of dog food and know for a fact that pets aren't allowed anywhere in the apartment complex. Might just be my room smelling bad, but... dog food? Hell, even as I type this on my computer in the living room I can smell it. AAGH!
Since yesterday (the first day of class for the summer term, which I'm not attending) I've realized that I'm really going to have too much free time, and that I'm really going to miss my old classmates. They were a great bunch, despite one of them really getting on my nerves by the end of the last quarter.
One of them had this wacky chemical problem where if he smelled anything like perfume or cologne, he would go into this high state. I thought he was kidding and threw a balled up piece of paper at his head from behind, and he flipped out. I felt bad, but man was I laughing hard.
Another one of them was one of the biggest movie fanatics I've ever seen, and this led most of the class into conversations I had with him (me also being a movie freak). Man did I love talking to that guy.
Most of the class were sarcastic goofballs who enjoyed being there with everybody, and I'll be damned if I won't miss them. Here's to you guys.
*raises bowl of Apple Jacks in tribute*
JOURNAL: Pie Row Maniac (Kirk Fryrear)
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