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Heartbroken part II
2004-02-25 20:02:57
Ok, this is the add-on from my last post. As I was saying, there are some things bothering me lately, and I thought that writimg is some kind of healing. So, here it is:
AnimeGirl - That's her nickname. Now, if I don't understand all that well what happened with me and Deedlit, this is even more obscure to me. She was a school friend from long ago, and, at that time, I often thought that it would be nice to date her, although she isn't much of a looker. She is smart, funny, likes anime, has a great attitude about life and people... anyway, I never asked her out until I get out of that school. Some time later, a friend of mine told me she was asking for my e-mail. I gave her, and then we started talking A LOT by phone and e-mail. We went to the movies a couple times, as well as some anime meetings, but then, I'm sure I wasn't romantically interested. She was probably my best friend, but that was all. However, she did not think the same, and one day, all of the sudden, she hugs me and says the portuguese equivalent of "I like you". Now that's when my head really spinned. I had recently broke out with my latest girlfriend (a disaster), and really didn't felt like having another relationship. Deedlit was also bothering my ego since then, and, on top of that, I thought of her just as a friend (that's a common misconception: there is no such thing as "just a friend" between a man and a woman). Anyway, I ditched her, in a not very smart way of doing it. Since then, we've been all touchy with eachother, and I feel like I've lost a great friend. Oh life.
I thought that by writing I would understand better my problems. However, I now feel that I know even less about me, girls and relationships... -
Heartbroken
2004-02-22 22:14:32
This is going to be weird.
I just read another member's journal, and there he was, complaining on how much it hurts to be dumped, etc. I guess the fact the guy was a Nirvana fan didn't make him much good in overcoming sentimental questions.
But the fact is: he remembered me of my own dumpings, and though I hardly mourn the past, there is a couple unresolved questions that are disturbing me now, so I will just write the down to get a clearer vision of things.
First: Deedlit. This was the nickname of a beautiful (although a bit chubby) red-haired girl I met on an Anime meeting. When I first saw her, she was on the phone with her boyfriend, so I really didn't payed much attention to her, except I noticed she was pretty. A year later, I began to walk around with some IRC group of otakus, and, to my surprise, she was part of that gorup.
Now here's what bothers me: I suddenly started to act VERY weird and unlike myself. At that time, I was very social, but, all of a sudden, I couldn't talk to anyone. I got really dark and shy, getting to extremes like losing sleep and humiliating myself in front of everybody. "Well, that's love", you might say. But here's the trick: I'm pretty sure I DID NOT love her. Honestly speaking, I always were kind of the ladiesman, so why that particular girl made me do such weird stuff, even though I knew that what I felt for her wasn't love? In other words, WHAT THE HELL I WAS THINKING??? The worst part is that now she completely ignores me (and I am a person who can easily deal with being hated, but not being ignored), most people that knew me at that phase either hates or despises me. Geez. Talk about ghosts from the past. I need to solve this, if there is a way...
I guess a man has to live with his own mistakes.
I will add the second thing later. -
I should have thought of that...
2004-02-21 09:18:20
Ian Robert's idea for an AMV: Escaflowne + "I just can't wait to be king" (That's from Lion King, sung by Elton John).
How I didn't think of this before him?! ARGH!
Anyway, since he ain't gonna do it, I guess I will. Just need video footage, as I've already bought Lion King's soundtrack (hey, don't look me like that, I bet you are singing the song right now). -
Too much of heaven
2004-02-21 08:24:46
Can't take anymore... somebody move the eletronics away from me... eyes... hurt. Legs... numb. Hands... pain.
(after 127 Retries on Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter, all the while listening to mp3 in extra-loud volume) - Home, sweet home 2004-02-16 15:37:11 After a long and exhausting (yet interesting...) season at my girlfriend's place, I'm finally home, back to my PC and PS2. I missed you guys! Anyway, vacations are at the final line, so I have a terrible sense of urgency... agravated by playing Breath of Fire 5: Dragon Quarter. Life is short. Let's live, folks!
JOURNAL: 7sigma (Pedro Simões)
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