Am I a Jerk? [in regards to yaoi]

kthulhu · Post by **kthulhu** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 4:44 pm

Saying you're a homophobe will brand you as a being intolerant quite often (especially in a somewhat more liberal, open-minded medium like the internet or this forum). Still, if they're not tolerant enough to respect your dislike or aversion to yaoi, then they're hypocrites - or just pathetic.

A better statement, in my opinion, would've been "I don't care for yaoi because I find the idea of two guys pining and angsty for one another to be silly, rather than serious." That sounds like what you were trying to say.

Good luck.

BishounenStalker · Post by **BishounenStalker** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 5:21 pm

If this conversation went like I think it went from what you wrote, then I'd say you're perfectly right and don't need such "friends" as the two you lost.

I run into a LOT of this kind of thing, since a good number of fellow female anime fans I meet are into yaoi, but I happen to be an odd one who isn't (and I consequently get series like FAKE and Gravitation shoved in my face because narrow-minded hormonal fangirls tend to make really bad assumptions that all female anime fans like yaoi). You have every right to prefer watching yuri (lesbianism) in anime than yaoi, just like they have a right to like yaoi, and I have a right to like neither (although if I HAD to choose, I'd watch yuri over yaoi any day). And they shouldn't diss you as a friend for having a different opinion. Since they did, that makes them judgemental morons.

I just wouldn't use the word "homophobe" in casual conversation, though. It has a VERY negative connotation, and it's probably the main reason said friends are pissed off at you. It's more accurate (and nicer) to say you just don't like yaoi.

nailz · Post by **nailz** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 5:35 pm

BishounenStalker wrote:"And they have a cave troll." -- Sean Bean (Boromir), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

He never says "and".

Arigatomina · Post by **Arigatomina** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 5:39 pm

I really like this thread. It looks like everyone but EC (who's being his usual stubborn self) is saying 'if you don't like it, don't watch it, it's your choice' - and that's how I see it. I'm a yaoi fan, but I'm picky. There are a number of yaoi animes I won't touch. And I'm very squicked by the idea of two girls together so I avoid yuri with a vengeance. It's just my preference. That's why I like the warnings - so long as they know it's there they can avoid it. It makes things so much simpler. And my friends know not to push yuri at me, just like I don't push yaoi on my yuri-liking male friends. It all evens out. If you have friends who won't respect your preferences, you're better off without them.

EarthCurrent · Post by **EarthCurrent** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 6:16 pm

I just stick to my conviction, bucky, 'cause it pisses people off...

Arigatomina · Post by **Arigatomina** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 6:29 pm

I know, that's what makes you EC. 8)

EarthCurrent · Post by **EarthCurrent** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 6:39 pm

You've just made my day...:

:

MistyCaldwell · Post by **MistyCaldwell** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 7:20 pm

ALL YURI IS BAD!!

Double standards people

Seriously though, sometimes it's not what you say but how you say it.

If they felt like you were disrespecting them (as they like/don't mind it) in the way that you said it, they may have taken it as an insult and not just your opinion.

ex:

"Yaoi is evil incarnate...I don't see how any sane person would watch it"

vs

"It's not my thing but I doesn't bother me if other people like it"

On the other hand, sometimes people take things personally merely through association. In which case they felt like you were insulting them no matter how you said it.

I don't know them so I couldn't say which is more likely

borpii · Post by **borpii** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 7:42 pm

I personally like the idea of two sexy ass bishounen getting it on but that's just me.

You are not, let me repeat, not a jerk. You aren't intolerant or anything, you just aren't into the idea of wasting your money on watching guy on guy action b/c you aren't into it. That's how I see it; I don't like to watch yuri scenes either, but I accept those who do. You don't hate gays, it just dosen't do it for you.
What I'm getting at is you are a good guy for worrying about it but there's no problem. I think your 'friends' are at fault for not respecting your tastes. Big ups to you for caring!

Anlushac11 · Post by **Anlushac11** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 7:52 pm

8)

I d/l 1st epiosde of Gravitation not knowing what is was, jsut trying out different titles.

I spent first 10 minutes wondering where the cute anime gals were. Then the guy starts talking about his attraction to this other guy and I was like OOHHHhhhhhhhh....its like that.

Good music, good animation, interesting story, but no cute anime chicks? Im out. I thought it was good but just not for me.

First are you sure you lost your friends? Things have a way of turning around and working out after a cooling off period.

It is very possible that you came across hostile and offensive even if you didnt mean to, maybe they were oversensitive to the issue.

I dont think there is anything wrong with telling your friends you dont like it but it is often not what you say but how you say it that has the most effect.

I say let things rest a few days and then see where things stand. If they still blow you off then make a polite yet not groveling apology very politely explaining your thoughts and you dont want to lose their friendship. If they are really friends this should blow over. If it doesnt then maybe you are better off finding new friends.

Best of luck and hope it all works out.