- Member: Xophilarus
- Studio: PixelBlended Studios
- Title: Muted
- Premiered: 2016-09-30
- Lauren Aquilina Forest Fires
This is a video I made for AWA Pro 2016. There's a long dramatic story behind why I made that, but I put it at the bottom for the people who care. xD I also have another Pro video I'm uploading in a few days, but people won't like that one as much so I decided to upload this first ^^
Ramble about video:
I know a lot of people don't like it when someone's video comes with a monologue, and that's why I put it down here, and kind of out of the way. I just didn't feel right releasing this without talking about the subject. I'm going to go ahead and say, this is a very autobiographical video about a lot of my life and feelings. Not the specific events as much, but falling out with the parent, and the constant fear of how everyone thinks of you, regardless of how irrational the fear is. The core of the video is trying to focus on social anxiety, and the heavy weight of sadness and loneliness it brings. I have been having severe social anxiety issues most of my life, and I just wanted to capture the feeling and some of the thoughts as best as I could in the video. A lot of the abstract imagery even relates to how my personal state of mind feels when I'm having an episode, especially the clip with the thorns coming out of the girl's mouth. I will frequently try to talk, but suddenly find myself completely unable to, and it physically feels like there are thorns or other sharp objects clogging my throat, making it feel impossible to say the simplest of words.
It also shows how feeling stuff like self doubt and anxiety doesn't only effect your mental state, but your physical one as well. The scenes of her clutching her stomach are a good representation of that. You get physically sick, and it feels awful. Now, I am a lot better than I used to be as far as my social anxiety goes, but there are still a lot of times it greatly impacts the way in which I go about doing the simplest of daily activities. However, the things that help me the most to get out of those states of mind are doing activities I love as well as the support of all the amazing friends I have, but yeah, this is how I made the video in relation to myself personally.
I did, however, also want to make the video reach out to others as well, which is why I tried to tell the story in kind of a vague but consistent matter so it would be easier for other people to relate to it. Even though social anxiety and self doubt were the themes I was personally thinking of while I made this, it makes complete sense why someone may see it as something completely different. I didn't want to alienate anyone who couldn't personally relate to the themes that were in my head.
I just wanted to do a write up of the social anxiety and self doubt themes because, for those of you who have these issues, a lot of people have them. You aren't alone in them, and you aren't some strange outcast who will never fit in anywhere because of them. For a long time, I just believed no one else thought that way, and there was just something really seriously wrong with me, and I do not want anyone else feeling that same way so if I can just help bring comfort to a single person, then this video was more than a success in my eyes.