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A Look Ahead
2007-01-02 18:06:41
While still in my semi-cold ridden mute state at work, I began pondering what this "New Year" might bring for me... and it didn't look good.
Yes I have some good stuff happening... well... only one thing. Some people know what it is so I shall refrain from mentioning it to help protect some privacy. But in the end... this year is the buffer year before all shit goes to hell... and this is NOT and understatement.
You see... this time next year... I'll be forced to decide whether or not to drop out of college. Not because I want to... but for the sake of HAVING TO. I've stated it before in another journal entry that I am being forced to move out of my house by August of `08. Seems like a long time... but it's only a little more than a year and a half away. And something as big as moving out is not to be taken at the last moment.
Right now... I do not have the incoming funds to support myself when the time comes. I hope to get the position of Seafood Manager in the near future (even though I don't want to) just so I'll be racking in some extra money. But I still don't think it'll be enough. I figure it will require me working 60+ hours a week at my current wage to survive on my own... I certainly cannot go to school if that is the case.
Now some may argue "well... why don't you move in with someone?" I have a response to that.
I had asked my best friend about this a little more than a year ago and he said he would be happy to when he got his money in order. Well, it's been a little over a year and he STILL is not financially secure. He's making the mistake of banking solely on this Steamfitters job that he is not entirely sure he's gonna get. On top of that, he's planning on getting married in a few years. HE'S NOT EVEN 20 YET!!! But I can't be moving in with someone who will be squandering all his funds on this imaginary event. And I know he will be pinching pennies to make it happen. So he's out of the question.
The only other possibility is my younger brother. The problem... he's the one in boot camp. I know I said he would likely be sent home because of the stress fractures in his shins... but the odds of him staying are getting pretty high. There are four or five possibly scenarios that would keep him in boot camp. Now I cannot be sitting here hoping that something bad happens to him. I'm not like that and I feel I would be breaking the brotherly bond we share. So again... there is the possibility... but it's too much of a long shot to bank on.
And that it. I have no one else. Wow... how much you life can change over the course of two years. I guess I have my good for nothing whore of a mother to thank for all this. She's the one who put the stipulation of selling the house 90 days after my younger sister graduates from high school. Isn't a mother supposed to care for her children? So how can she go and put such a burden on us. What little respect I had for her is now completly shattered and I doubt it will ever be mended.
The way I see it... I'll have to quit AMVs when this time comes. When will I have the time to edit? When I'm not sleeping or traveling cross country, I'll be working just to pay the bills.
I don't feel this is something that a 20 year old should be facing... I mean.. what kind of future can I have if I have to drop from college? I'll have no degree or expertise in any field so what kind of high paying job can I get? I can see myself ending up on the street in three years because of all this and it sickens me. I know I can do something with my life... but I won't have the chance. -
A look back at `06
2007-01-01 14:51:21
Upon reflection of the past 365 days that made up 2006, I realized one thing... nothing REALLY happened. Makes me see it as a type of lost part of my life that, unfortunately, will never get back or be able to relive. It was a year of melancholy and not much emotion for the most part. Every day passing like the other in an endless string of routine that despite my strongest efforts, was unable to break and bust loose for a day or two. So with that... here is Krisqo's reflection on 2006 (be better next year when it rhymes ^^)
I cannot remember much from the early part of the year. I began my first semester at DCCC (Delaware County Community College) in January after taking a semester off to make some much needed cash. From there my weeks were all the same: School Monday, Wednesday. Friday, and work Saturday, Sunday, and Tuesday with Thursday being the only day I could sleep past 6am. It got so repatative that I began forgetting what part of the week and month it was. But I do remember the day I got my pretty new PC. Why I got it? Beats me. I was off on day and I was like... I need a computer for myself. So in February, I bough this little baby. Been loving it since. ^^
School ended in May. Immediatly following that, I began working my usual 48 hour work weeks with only one day off. It was fine. I was racking in a mere 250 a week which was enough for me to pay the bills for now. It wasn't until then that I really got back into the AMV thing. For all you people who might have actually noticed me... this is the time that I started making my presence known on the ORG. I had already joined Project Trinity in April and was in the early stages of Operation Introduction... but aside from that... I just putzed around not really doing anything.
In June I went down the shore with my friends. It was an okay time... though it was more about the drinking alone for the first time. One friend did get plastered to the point of puking in the bathroom. But overall... it wasn't that much fun. It was actually kinda boring and I have no idea why I'm going down again this year. I suspect it will be my last since I have more important places to visit in the summer.
The rest of that time is a blur. I had problems with my family throughout. Especially my little sister who has become such a pain that we want her to leave the house on her 18th, but we can't risk her mother hitting us for child support. If she does... we'd be on the street. Not good. She's also into the sex and drugs and all that other bullshit that I hate this current generation for. In the end... I just gave up on her. What else can I do. I pulled every string, said what needed to be said and she still take it all and spits it right back in my fact. Sorta made me feel worthless for the longest time. Like how my life means nothing and no one will take me seriously.
School began again in late August. Things were not as easy this semester since something fucked up with my loan and ended up NOT having one for this semester. To make a long story short... I ended up paying the whole $1300 out of my pocket. Plus the $500 on books and other shit. I nearly dropped out at that. It was BULL and I didn't have the excess cash to pay... I'm still recovering from it.
>.<
Then came the fall... what else can I say... I think the time between Thanksgiving and Today has been some of the best weeks in my life. Why? Well... I ended up making some great new friends. Love you all <3.
But there in one person who has helped me more than I think I have been able to help her... If not for Yeiweh... I'd still be living a life of nothingness. An empty shell of a human with no path or reason to live for that matter. But she gave me something to fight for. Someone who is able to take my waves of emoness and gloom and self depreciation. I just hope that I can someday do the same for her... be able to heal the scars of her past and help her begin life anew.
I <3 you...
And there fellow journal junkies is the past year for Krisqo in a nutshell. I hope that everyone had a great `06 and I wish you all the best in all your endeavors in `07.
This is Krisqo signing out... -
I ish back
2007-01-01 12:11:28
Happy New Years everyone!
I'm kinda back from my little break (even though I was still around) but I'll be MIA for a little longer since I have been sick for about a week now and I officially have NO VOICE. What fun... at least I got out of work today. Makes me a little happy.
So once again... Happy New Year to all the org. - To Sky... 2006-12-27 19:14:18 Hope everything goes fine for your mom. She will defiantly be in my prayers tonight and I'm sure the same can be said for all the other Journal Junkies. I'm not good with these things so I'll leave it at that.
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How am I still alive?????
2006-12-25 19:23:49
December 21 - Went into work 2 hours early by managerial request... So that meant a 10 hour day. It was a little busy... more so for a normal Thursday.
Current Hours Worked: 10
December 22 - Again, I went In two hours early since I was so busy the day before... and this was worse. I remember the 22 from last year and it was not as busy. I think we had nearly twenty - twenty-five customers before noon and it didn't calm down until about 5pm. What made things worse was that my manager wanted ALL the orders for pickup on the 23 and 24 done that day... so the result... I got out at 7:45PM and I started at 6am.
Current Hours Worked: 23 3/4 hours
December 23 - Hell again. Understaffed, short on seafood, annoying employees, and a shit load of people wanting damn fish. I came in at 5:15am this day as is normal since this is usually our busiest day and it was. We had a line of ten customers at Noon and only three able to wait on them, one was running back and forth reloading the fish, and I was on the side case making it not empty. Luckily... things died off a little early... BUT my head supervisor wanted me to stay. So I was stuck there until 6:10 when i snuck out.
Current Hours Worked : 36 3/4
December 24 - Worse. HOW THE HELL COULD IT HAVE BEEN WORSE!!! Ten people in line from 10 am - 11:30 am. I even had to call my sister in at 12 when she was due in at 2. She didn't mind but it was that crazy. But thankfully, as is the case for every Christmas eve, when the store dies... it dies. And in this case.. it was about 3PM so I was able to bail at 4:20 after coming in at 5:15 again.
Current Hours Worked: 45 3/4
December 25 - Why did I offer to work today... It was probably the allure of hoilday pay. Whaever the reason it was a waste of my time. My relief came in an hour early so I left a little early. Got in to the store at 6:15... I was at home by 10:15. Merry Christmas
Final Hours Worked 48...
JOURNAL: Krisqo (Chris Ruhl Jr)
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