-
Evolution
2003-06-30 18:04:17
you useto tell me you loved me
everyday into my ear
and then I'd look and wonder at the darkness
were you really there?
theres something missing..
Calling out your name
I wonder am I still here
am I?
really..
I useto know the truth
I useto know the lies
I useto be everything I wanted to be
I useto.. be
I know that I was...
something more
But this isn't it at all
I usteo hear your voice calling out my name whenever..
You needed me...
I useto know your love I useto know
I useto
I useto
but now its over like it never began
its not right to me
is this the finally?
but then someone whispers
this is the beginning in the end
this is the end and the beginning
but it is neither either neither no
I'm still calling your name now
do you hear me
as I call for you..
somewhere out there
I know you are
somewhere..
somewhere
-
Surreal
2003-06-30 17:47:10
running drenched in my own tears
running from the realities of life
to a sanctuary I called my own
childhood and innocence
A dream I ran unto
but it is a shattering one
as the light of truth penetrates it
I do not wish to awaken to the light
These illusions of my life
Can i live in them longer?
Can I dream in them longer?
Can I forget of everything I've been told
No I can't hate you
No I can't love you
No I can't accept anything warm again
I give up to the cold that is the truth of reality
my dreams are shattering
I'm waking up to the day
and as it breaks I'm feeling that
fighting for myself
was never enought to begin with
I understand
that everything was a mistake
a lie
a dream
a faded memory
I'll disappear into the darkness
that I was born from
but the blue skies won't allow me to
I hate you -
Depend on you
2003-06-30 17:43:02
I hate you fate.
I hate you I hate you.
I hate you my perceptions I hate you and you and you.
I hate youuu!!!!
and I hate it that I can hate!! and I hate it that i feel!!
I hate you fate for allowing me to love
I hate you fate for showing me the truthes of this reality
I hate you fate for not letting me be one of many that know nothing.
I would have liked rather to have never known that I am still naive in this
world.
But as I deny it, the more I awaken to it. Does it prove that I am weak?
Does it prove me to be strong... no it is neither.
Fate you have shown me that there are those out there so shallow hearted
to love money and thier pride more than that of thier own love.
Now you have shown me fate that the relationship my beloved buu jeh led
with Hseih...was indeed not love.
not true love.
Ray if you could not be with Christy because she is too poor and too
Christian for you.
and Christy if you could not be with Ray because he is too Buddhast
and too prejudiced by his wanting to please his family in Taiwan. I am
proud of you Christy. Instead of leading an empty relationship any longer
you learned something more.
or at least I did.
He could not love you enough to want to be with you regardless of what may stop him. In other words he never loved you at all. I am happy that
you Christy can now love yourself. But I am worried.
Are you now.. loving to show him you can or are you loving this new fellow
because he can love you back. ....
I always thought love was something more but you two.. Ray.. Christy have
proven me wrong.. love is.. a lie
-
Seasons
2003-06-30 00:59:34
They skies have faded from the rain
No longer are they dark
No longer are they red
they are warm and blue
like that of your warmth
But I liked the red and dark browns
they reminded me of your hair
The years we've spent together
to be seperated now
like we've never been
Born unto the same world
at different times at different eras
I missed you once I missed you twice
and now a thrice
Don't leave me I screamed
to the eternal silence of the dark
I don't want to be alone
So the sky became red
like that of your hair
and then blue
like that of my feet
and then the yellow sun shone through
like that of our nails
The pitter patter of feet
never to grace these halls again
I hear you everywhere
but you are nowhere
This is the end of me
I thought as I let go a large chunk of my heart
as I held you 2 tightly before you left me
One to be as fair as the summoner Yuna
The other to be as clever as the chigga fighta
of D O A 3
I will miss you my two fair comrades
I will miss you my youngest cousins Yun Yun and Gwun
Remember me always as I remember you
write unto me letters of how you both do
I miss you two so much
please come back to me
and bring your new sister too
Just don't leave me all alone
like my bu jehs
Sally.. Junyi.. Yee waa...
comes back to mes soon!
loves ur third eldest cousins Mei Mei Qoo buu jeh
and Pikkles too! -
A song is born
2003-06-30 00:26:39
.. who loves her cousins? I do~~!!!
yunn yunn!! gwunn gwunn!! yee waaa waa!! I loves you threee!
so much.. ;-; I don't know what I'd do without you Yunn and Gwunn
Sallyun Junyigwun.. I wills misshes u sho muches..
moving to Alberta... I can't.. stand this.. first you moved away to
Chinatown.. and then to some small street near there and then
all the way to guelph.. and now.. ... how could you leave me behind
to Alberta.. Don't you love me ur buu buu jeh??.. well I know you all do
but.. but.. why why leave me in Ontario.. ;-; I want to go with you
don't leave me to hal!! ;-; my cousins.. my dearest cousins..
Yunn I hope you remember how to fold stars like I told you how..Sally..
Junyi I'm so sorry I couldn't take you to the park.. Junyi I'm so sorry
I love you so much. I'm sorry I couldn't do that for you.. I hope you like
the teddy bear I gave you. Sally I love you so much too.. Sally the cousin
I saw born into this world. The cousin that I always watched over
even when.. all those things that happened between us all those little
arguements. I'm sorry for swearing I'm sorry! I will become a good
person like you wish of me. For both you and Junyi. I will abandon swear
words. I will abandon sinking to others levels. I love you two so much.
I wish that those days that I must wait till your return from Alberta..
would pass quickly. I love you two so much. I don't want to wait till
January. Please have a safe journey. Please love me back I feel so lonely
without your sweet selves brightening my life. Without you two shopping's
advices I don't know what to do.. I thank you both tho.. for going with me
to get yellow nail polish and that hat..
dame ishes I've been holding back my tears it feels so icky.. my eyes
are already swollen. I will be holding them back
I have to be strong. I'm your mei qoo buu jeh. I'm the one u look up to.
With the least faults of Christy Cheryl.. and me.. teh 3 buu jehs..
Yunn Gwunn.. rites tah me!!! >.< I misses u so much!!
remember ot visit!! I don't want to.. be alone!! >,<
I loves you!!!
JOURNAL: chutsupsei (ayu mai)
Current server time: Nov 11, 2025 05:40:49