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^-^
2003-08-08 15:36:44
anyone want my password for my journal? moo I so crazy.. the day i die I gives my password to ro! moo.. tho melanie and jessica already know it.. and figured its my password for practically everything...
yes its in that paragraph somewhere MOO no it is not MOO it can be anything but a word that means to be u know MOO no it is not MOO what is wrong with u ppl?! MOO is not my password and no the password is composed of 6 letters and it is not MOO 3 times that's 9 letters!! YOU'RE ALL STUPID! mao.. -
Dearest~Ayumi Hamasaki (original mix)
2003-08-08 15:30:10
the safety of this dream shall soon end.. then I shall be free.
Unfeeling.. but safe.. safe from sorrow.. safe from being able to inflict pain.. safe from speaking.. safe from words.. safe from emotion..
yes I'm a coward.. I want to hide here forever.. but this dream will end.. because.. as long as someone wishes that I should disappear.. then i shall.. I wish it... so I will.. but I will wait.. till then.. -
Daybreak
2003-08-08 15:25:52
Sometimes I feel like crying for deeper hidden reasons. I know this journal isn't very private.. but.. I'm gonna write about how I been feeling lately.
I can't help it but I'm thinking about.. what if I died now? wouldn't ro be safe from me? ... I know he will be... if I did. I wouldn't have any chance of hurting him enough to make him die because of words I would say because I am angry or anything.. Ro is.. very timid.. I can't stand this.. he's so.. fragile to me. I don't want to hurt him.. My words can hurt him.. My words.. my voice.. everything I do I feel like I can cause him pain with.. I don't want that someday.. through a misuse of words.. or maybe through an arguement or anything... I don't want to cause him to go over the edge and kill himself.. I don't want him to do anything like that because of me.. I don't want to read his journal anymore.. because he said that if I ever asked him to leave this world.. he would..
I don't want to do that.. I don't want to do that at all.. I don't want to break Errols heart. I don't want to waste anything..
I don't want to be a waste of life...
But I realise that.. because in his journal.. he asked for me to destroy him because he knows I can.. well.. if he really does want that.. I can't think of any other way than death. If I left this world.. it would hurt him enough to destroy him.. and I wouldn't have to see him break.. I wouldn't have to see him become calloused because of me..
But.. I keep on remembering these two butterflies I saw... whenever I think that maybe I should get it over with now..
The butterflies were flying together so happily among the flowers.. and suddenly one left the other.. the other searched desperately for its mate.. the second butterfly was hidden within the flowers... when it came back up it searched for its mate.. but as though it were tired of searching.. it stopped. But the one it looked for was still searching.. it seemed to never tire.. I don't know if it found its mate that had stopped flying about... I left about then..
All I saw then was see two lovers a short distance from another.. surely they would find one another.. but then I came to think deeper.. it still cares and even tho it should normally avoid cars and things.. it still searched for its mate.. I wonder if kids went and stomped on its mate..
But inside I was thinking. These creatures will surely find another they are incapable of devotion.. -
empty ish
2003-08-08 15:06:16
I don't like thinking.. I don't like planning my ambitions yet. I want to sit back and look at everything as its coming by.. but as I look at the past and present.. I realize.. everything is really hard to grasp.. it's like trying to put a waterfall into a paper cup. It's not working.. moo..
Everything is so blue.. makes me think of Ro..
moo maybe I am obsessive.. - freedom 2003-08-08 13:27:28 soon my friends soon the plan will be taken into action maybe in a year.. maybe in two years... who knows what the future holds.
JOURNAL: chutsupsei (ayu mai)
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