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My loss continued...
2004-07-24 02:04:16
I'd like those of you who care to at most understand this...
If you don't, go read someone else's journal ^_^
*rant of dewm*
"I feel sorry for nice guys, it seems they always get the girls who stomp all over them..." - Beccera [online gamer friend]
For the past few weeks, I've been doing some things as a joke, and now I realize where my flaw is, I've gotten submissive and pretty much whipped. What's worse, for all my suffering, I can't even sit down and talk with my love about these problems. Fine by me, at least I know where I stand, I'm pouring out my heart and she's giving me no warmth at all. I'm in the wrong if you'd insist and I'll accept it.
Said that she has no problem hanging with the guys. The truth is, she understands the gamer world. Me I don't like listening to gossip of how whorey some other women can become or jokes that point at nothing but sexual slander that you'd think only guys would talk about. I'm avoiding such things on purpose for my own well being. ^_^
I have to always say good night, and when I forget a few times I get shot? That's fine, but not discussing problems with me, that's by far worse, FAR WORSE...
If being honest and living life with no regrets and lots of secrets and backstabbing is for ya then, I'm sorry if I can't hide anything from you my love, I'm an idiot, one of the only nice guys left in the world who holds a 2nd degree blackbelt in the realm of martial arts who thinks too little of himself.
I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...
I'd go on for infinity apologizing for something I don't even know that I did, why? It's cause of love that I humble myself like this, swallow my pride, and throw away my dignity.
I think back to my vid, "To Love, to Love Not", and I'm starting to remember my first quote:
"Some say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Some of those people are lying..."
Yeah, *thinks*... It does feel like that.
I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry....................................
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My journal... My loss perhaps?
2004-07-24 00:19:47
I seem to have run into a snag with my lover.
Next week, on her days off, it's very apparent she doesn't want to be with me. What's more, my own mom is taking work off to either take all of us including my family to a water park, I wanted to show her how to swim. She says no, then she refuses my offer to teach her how to drive. Another bad sign.
Also, when I ask my beloved if I can do anything for her the next week, she says she'd be too busy on the 3 days she took off.
My beloved one, I hope you're reading this, for I had a weird dream during a nap I was having before I wrote this journal entry.
I also looked at your journal entry before I made this....
Dream State*
I had died due to unknown circumstances and I can move around as a spirit, at my own funeral, I notice one of my best friends, I'll call him Arth, was crying for my death, and yet, she wasn't crying for me. In fact, her mood seemed as if she didn't even want to be near me even at my funeral... ;_;
End Dream State*
I swore to myself that I wouldn't be the one doing the dumping but it seems all the actions she's been pointing at me seems to indicate she's had enough of me and wants to move on again. Well, [I TOLD YOU SO]. I would not be the one to end this relationship, I will always have you as a place in my heart... I could be guessing wrong and she really IS too busy for me, in which case, I could just say sorry.
But for now, if you're mad at anything I've done, I don't even know what I did wrong *AGAIN* so I'm going to apologize now ahead of time.
Though you're giving me the boot, I'll always love you...
*cries* -
Titles? What?
2004-07-23 18:45:10
It's crazy...
^_^
Damn, why'd I buy Sudeki, now that I'm engrossed in 2 4 games already:
Aliens vs. Predator 2
Mechwarrior 4 Mercenaries
Ragnarok Online
Brute Force
I just HAD to get a 5th game ;_;
At least the Target at my local mall opened up, that is REALLY good ^_^ -
In doing so...
2004-07-11 13:47:57
Secret MAD is on the org, W00T!
My name in its credits is goofy as heck, double w00t!!
Yay!
I got an opinion on Dancing Stars - Feel the Rhythm, again...
w00000000000000t!
It's good time for me today! -
Seems my buddy list has died out.
2004-07-07 01:05:14
All the people I regularly check on my buddy lists seems to have moved on in life and no longer use a journal.
Those few of you who still give a shit about how bad I'm doing ^_^ can always see what's going on here! ^_^
For now, I'm not working on anything big, maybe the next Soothing Symphonic amv, yeah...
^_^
See ya in a bit everyone! Keep posting in the weird screencaps thread, located at
http://www.animemusicvideos.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=16331
it's got 2000+ POSTS BABY!! Let my legacy be of weird! [oh wait, that's not good lol]
I wonder if I can shoot through some eps and post a weird screenie there again? I'd like to thank all of you who posted especially Hitori stuff there weird enough to make me laugh. I salute you!
JOURNAL: OmniStrata (Joseph Aguila)
Current server time: Dec 26, 2025 02:59:08