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Surgery is done ~ Summer surgery was a success!
2006-11-12 13:58:23
This summer was a mix between great and average. I'm writing now because i have a alot to explain.
First my ex is history that chapter is closed and sealed with mealted metal, chained up and thrown in to the Bermuta Triangle.
Next i didn't go out with Orlando, i'm just not that into him and he's too juch like my cousin. He also has too much drama and not enough time for me anyways!
My birthday passed on the 8th (november) and i finally have internet (my own).
So then what now...? Well welcome to the new chapter in my life called: -
I Realized~Whats really in my heart
2006-06-21 09:17:39
I had a dream last night. I think now I really know whats in my heart and what i really want. I had a dream about my ex but it was so strange because it felt so real. I was in my house and he just came right in front of me, grabed my face and tried to kiss me. I was so startled by his action that i moved to the side and he kissed me on the cheek. It felt so real i could feel his soft lips and his rugged cheek rub against my face. I looked at him and he said these exact words.
"I can't belive we were about to leave eachother before the senior trip was over."
Yesterday I had my senior trip and I tried to ask him out again but I was too scared to.
"We laughed and had so much fun togeather. And then we get close to asking eachother we would stop."
All of these words were strange because i didn't really talk to him during the trip and i don't think he was going to ask me out anyways. There was a whole bunch to hoochie, booty poppin' girls there. Even while he was saying all of this and it felt so real to me. I was touching his face and i was so speechless but what i really wanted to say was: "Why?" "This is real?" I became so happy becasue i thought it was real i belived it was real, but i turned to my side and woke up.
I became deppresed, I thought i could be happy, but i geuss not. I geuss theres no point in lying to myself anymore. I do like him. I belived it when he said he loved me and I fell in love to. I hate that i still want him, and everyone keeps saying we'll get back togeather. But I just can't see it happening. He dosn't care for me like that anymore....
It's over. -
Noise
2006-06-15 09:14:07
I have been catching anxiety attacks every now and then. I'm hoping that I don't fall into depression, or maybe I already have. I wish that the school year would end already. I can't be around him anymore, I feel myself becoming more and more depressed. Last night i finally admited to myself that all I want is to be cared for. Maybe because i thought i had found something special and then i had to leave it behind.
I hate this feeling and i wish it would stop because i can handle this kind of pain. But then again, maybe they could have been doing me a favor to break me up with him. Latly I've been seeing more and more of how much of an asshole he is. But still when he comes in late to class and i see that now hes going to be around for the rest of the day, it drives me insane.
I just want to get away from everyone. I... I don't think i want to commit suicide. Because i know that it will hurt and I don't think anyone wants me dead. I know people will miss me but then I think, will they care?
*sigh* I just really don't know what to do...
I don't think I'll go to school tomorrow. I just need some time to pull myself together. -
Project D.Blade
2006-06-09 15:27:53
I also have another manga project I've been working on since i was 10 (I'm 14 now). It's called Dark Blade. It's really my main manga project and I want to bring it to life in the future so I can become famous and rich and acctually become satifyed with life.
The story runs around a fable (of course one I made up) about how an angel fell in love with another angel in heaven. But the angel she fell in love with decived her and told God. God was angered by the fact that she loved someone more than he. The angel she fell in love with was the one to send her to hell but instead he wanted to see her suffer on earth. He was going to mark her with some kind of holy magic so she eventually rott of some desise on earth. The target was her stomach but she distracted him and it went in her eye. As soon as that happened she came crashing down to earth. Her wings and skin was burned and surly the bleeding from these wounds would kill her. Soon some humans from a near by village spotted her in the forest she landed in and thought she was a demon. They took her to the village to be stoned to death by the town people (they thought that this would please god). The ex angel stopped and looked up at the sky "I'm innocent, I swear I am". The villigers had tied her up and at this point and wings were just frial bones now. The villager pulled one of the ropes tied to her wing and ripped the whole bone out of her back. This hurt her very much but she didn't show it. First she breathed heavly she kept telling herself it would be alright then BOOOOMM!!! A beam shot out of her eye that was hit with her ex lovers magic and the beam comsumed all living souls. This was her way of showing he ex the power he bestowed on her and that she will one day have her revenge.
So this fallen angel left behind a legacey of very powerful humans. (mostly girls) And so this orginization called Dark Blade has gathered all these people up and they fight against evil. (kinda chilce but who really cares). i will definatly write more about this later in the day or tommrow but now i need to go. -
It's coming to a limit
2006-06-09 10:44:02
I have no idea what to do this summer. And now I'm worried about going to the pool because I agreed to my cousin Andrew that I might give Orlando a chance this summer. Orlando is my cousins best friend they consider eachother as brothers. Me and Orlando used to firlt and front alot but we never went out. Now I'm regreting the fact that I might want to go out with him this summer.... Jeez I feel like a bitch now because this would always happen when it comes to him. I really don't want to find out that he was a really nice guy and then end up losing him because I'm distracted by others ("k", ex and all those other boys). I'm trying to take a step back though and focus on somthing eles because this is getting rediculous. I feel like I'm at my limit and can't handle this pre boy-crazy stae of mine.
I decided to finally begin working on one of my manga projects. It's called Terminal, its more or less based on what I think about when I'm really upset and real life issues. But it is fiction. Its about this girl named Alice (thats the only name I coulds think of at the moment) she lives in New York in 2026. There are these robtic parts that people add to their bodies called Terminals. They can give you many things, at first they were for medical reasons though. They cured cancer, aids and gives you a super immunity system.
But as the years went on they became apart of military study and control. they made ones that give you super strenght, guns, storage, and all sorts of stuff. Because iof this in 2016 World War 3 broke out. Then after those terminals were discarded (at least thats what they told the people...).
Normal people could use Terminals too. They made ones so you can use the internet with out a computer, tracking devices (if your looking for someone.) and storage for when you have to much shit to carry. Eventually thyey began a secret project and made terminals that are high powered and dangerous. Alice is one of them and she wants to stop more of her kind from being created and destroy the human race.
So far I'm still working on the 1st chapter and hope to get it online pretty soon. ^_^
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