- 2004-02-07 17:28:23 wow i just wrote in this...god dammit i am writing again......WTF i mean jeez im gonna fucking slit my wrists, gouge out my eyes, stick knives through my feet, hang myself, and then stab myself in the chest. this is bullshit....why the fuck do i write in this it just makes others mad...and then i go ranting on about ME .....i mean jeez.....its like......"well fuck you i read your journal, bye" i mean do i really wanna be told that....TOO LATE....damn damn damn...i think im gonna go die now.....just like described up there ^^^^^^^ so....i hope you all have a lovely day and crank out some good vids...cuz maybe people like me will have a better hobby than destroying themselves
- .... 2004-02-07 17:21:36 its like im some kinda fucking dumbass.....someone hold me at gunpoint....or stick a knife to my throat....ill be happy....just kill me....all you bitches who think suicide isnt the answer can suck it.....i mean ..... sure i wanna have a kid named satan...LORD SATAN actually....well i sorta wanna have a kid...but then i think of how much of a pain in the ass they are and i am like.....um...fuck that, if i have a kid shoot me.....of course i wont have a kid cuz i am most likely gonna be a virgin...even when i die....holy shit..... and now i want a smoke...its like....grrr...but i cant smoke in the house and i dont wanna go out in the cold....i had one 20 mins ago....my packs gonna be fucking gone and im gonna turn into one of those guys that smokes 10 packs a day and dies at like 20.....i mean....at least let me live till 22.....and i can die drinking to death.....that means i will have 4 hopefully great years in japan after highschool...(i hope) and then die being happy...in japan....after i visit england and germany and ireland....and then go back to japan....god damn i love smoking...WHY THE FUCK...i dunno....its like.....hmmm....kill me...yes...kill me....i dare ya....i DARE YA...the worlds going to hell anyways....my best friend is going through tons of trouble...my other friends are going through tons of trouble...i've been in hell for like.....overa year now...and they expect me to live...WTF ...i mean...WTF MATE!!!?....grr ranting and shit...ashleigh is like....i love her..but she annoys the fuck outta me sometimes....thats why i am skippin pe...again...like...all week next week.....cuz crigger annoys me sometimes too.....i feel sorry for andy i mean FUCK....he gets annoyed too but....he'll be alone without me.....sorry mate.....smokes...i want smokes....@_@ kill me
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hmm
2004-02-07 17:00:07
i started smokin again like.....2 weeks ago...and like...wooo....i feel like my old self....its like....i was missin a part of me.....omg FOAMY! is awesome...and great...and highly funny ....and ya o.O between wanting to kill myself and being really happy and smoking ....its been cool week....ya ya.....didnt go to ashleighs...nope...o well.....hmmmmmmmmmmmmm ... woohoo lets go! coffee....my stomachs been actin up....my paretns just left like half an hour ago....hmmmmmmmm ....thermal underwear...gonna get some and wear the shirt to school.....the school is fucking freezing....damn cocksuckers need to turn the heat on, they all suck , fat bitching assholes.....fuck them all AHHHHHHHH!
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whats done is done
2004-02-04 14:05:17
i forced myself to get over ash yesterday.....i wrote her a note, and then i gave her a really old thing i wrote in blood that says "i love ashleigh, tom"
she skipped school again today, but was there to get on the bus...probably charlies again....o well its not my problem what they do. Im gonna start a new naruto vid to get my mind back on track.....my math teacher was a bitch today and i was about to start cussin her out...but held back..barely, she's lucky i dont smack her. i feel really alone....its not cool but, whatever, i've been alone for a while now so im used to it...^_^ on the flip side i might try for jessica again...maybe...i doubt it will work...ok maybe not...but hey, you cant blame me fer not wanting to be alone right now... i used to be fine with it but now, its getting boring and lonely...o well...im done ranting, as soon as i find a good song expect a naruto vid out in 1 or 2 weeks! - realizations 2004-02-03 19:49:08 contrary to my first entry today...i realized....while talking to one of her friends.....alot of things......im a very closed up person....who cant let people know who i am....my very nature is unknown....i dunno what that means...well i think i do....but i if i dont then sorry lol...im the kinda person...who you can feel comfortable with, even if you know very little about me. but if you want to get to know me your in for a bumpy road...even my closest friends don't KNOW me....they know my problems ....yes...but not me, thats why i have so many friends that are there.....and to me i feel like i am just there to them....not really anyone special just another friend....i realized just a few minutes ago....that the reason i feel so bad and my life is soo bad....is because i lack purpose...as agent smith said,"its purpose that binds us, that DRIVES US" and there was a whole lot more to that but thats the part that matters.. i lack PURPOSE in my life...its why i am still stuck on my love....even though she doesnt love me....i want a PURPOSE....and she is that purpose....but even if i cant have her as a g/f....i still want to be her friend...i want her to be able to open up to me.....and im not sure thats gonna happen....she wants me to change...well she has to change too....ill go on finding my PURPOSE....but....im not gonna pretend everything is fine...even after i realized that i still feel empty....lacking purpose....*sigh*
JOURNAL: AmericanPsycho
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