JOURNAL: necropedal (Tim Stoker)

  • The Resurgence 2008-11-26 02:18:06 After the better part of the last eight months on the sidelines of life, I am ready to venture again.
    Fearing nothing, I will boldly pursue the better parts of existence and not allow petty feelings of worry and dread weigh me down.

    I know it is a cliche, but the first day of the rest of my life is nigh, that day is December 9th and without fail, I assure myself that, no matter what happens on that day, I will rise to the occasion.

    Since my life of education came to an abrupt halt at the end of 2007, i have felt that a great something was missing from not only my life, but my very soul.
    Not that I enjoyed High School all that much, but it was an occupying force in my life, and it did what it could with the limited resources it had at its disposal.

    For 16 of the last 17 years of my life I always had something with which to occupy myself and when that disappeared from my life, I began to falter, I began to lose personal, professional & spiritual cohesion, in essence I was a directionless decaying mass, looking for answers and finding none.

    Odd jobs here and there did little to curb my feelings of nihilism, but being the believer in quantum realities that I am, I was living vicariously for about three months through the hopes, that other versions of myself were finding their way through the torrents and eddy's that continue to shape the worlds around them.

    It is only now, when one of the worst years in history comes to a close, do I suddenly feel game enough to extricate myself from the world of nothingness that I currently reside.

    I have squandered 2008, but the same will not be so for the remaining years of this, the first decade of the 21st century.

     
  • My Thoughts Vol#2 2008-11-07 05:32:26 Over the past few months I have been noticing the flow of time a lot more than I once did, which is rather unsettling for I begin to realize that even though things are transpiring all around me I am stagnating.

    This is one side of life I do not hold very dear. And although I make decisions which might potentially have profound effect on my life, I commit the most unbearable of all acts, by not acting upon them.

    I used to be a proactive individual responding to every whim without delay, but now during the most important time of my life I sit here doing nothing.

    Part of me, well, a great part of me likes doing nothing, but the part of my mind the lives for the adventure of life is suffering dearly in this titanic struggle.

    It is only know that I realize that in order for my life to progress at a more even pace, I must without hesitation act on any sudden rational impulse I have and not continue being the indecisive individual that I am.

    Call this introspective, call it whatever you like, I for one see this as the beginning of my new life and the dismissal of the old one.

    In the words of the irrepressible Shinji Ikari:
    "I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away."  
  • My Thoughts VOL#1 2008-11-07 05:17:31 Everyday life passes us by and we think to ourselves what have we done or what can we do to improve ourselves, the answer is simply nothing but what we are already doing.

    The old saying nothing ventured nothing gained springs to mind but, in times of internal debate with oneself, what more is there to do but ponder the very fabric of existence and wonder "WHY?".

    Although we try to better ourselves day in day out, there is little to no reprieve that will grant us some solace in the vacuous state that we live our lives.

    I am not by any stretch of the imagination saying give up all hope or deny yourself the dreams of life, but just think about what your are doing in the here and now and ask yourself, is it worth it. 
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