-
Banker, hillarious!!!
2006-09-21 02:12:22
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one
morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open
a savings account and insisted on talking to the
president of the Bank
because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client
is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to
the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she
wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk
and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and
asked her how she had been able to save so much money.
The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of
bets?"
The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000
that your testicles are square."
The president started to laugh and told the woman that
it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the
president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"
"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000
that my testicles are not square."
"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the
amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would
like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with
my lawyer as a witness."
"No problem", said the president of the Bank
confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about
the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror
examining his testicles, turning them this way and
that, checking them over again and again until he was
positive that no one could consider his testicles as
square and reassuring himself that there was no way he
could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly
woman arrived at the president's office with her
lawyer and
acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that
the president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as
the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman
asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her
lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better
and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of
course", said the president. "Given the amount of
money involved, you should be 100 ure."
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly
the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his
head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why
he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably
because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in
the morning I would be holding the balls of the
President of the Bank of Canada!"
-
You call me racist
2006-09-21 02:11:50
You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction.
You call me "Whiteboy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" and that's OK.
But when I call you, nigger, Kike, Towelhead, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink you call me a racist.
You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?
You have the United Negro College Fund.
You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Black History Month.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi
You have the NAACP.
You have BET.
If we had WET(White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists.
If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists.
If we had white history month, we'd be racists.
If we had an organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists.
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists.
There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if there were "White colleges" that would be a racist college.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.
You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.
I am proud.
But, you call me a racist.
Why is it that only whites can be racists? There is nothing improper about this email. Hope you're proud enough to forward it.
You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction.
You call me "Whiteboy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" and that's OK.
But when I call you, nigger, Kike, Towelhead, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink you call me a racist.
You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?
You have the United Negro College Fund.
You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Black History Month.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi
You have the NAACP.
You have BET.
If we had WET(White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists.
If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists.
If we had white history month, we'd be racists.
If we had an organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists.
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists.
There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if there were "White colleges" that would be a racist college.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.
You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.
I am proud.
But, you call me a racist.
Why is it that only whites can be racists? There is nothing improper about this. -
Hackers
2006-09-21 02:10:41
what happens when u here the word Hackers mmm u get all scard like little bitches some people say that they still your gay crap from your computer i say bull shit im a hacker and i go around and take crap off your computer some people say we still your myspace wft... you guys are just to dumb to rember your fucking pass word we dont even wanna take that gay shit we rater take your bank card and u fucking bills so we can at lease get of nice jusy good stuff out of it so fuck all u people that hates us so go home and cry to your fucking parents
-
retarded computer people
2006-09-21 02:10:12
This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!
=================================
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
===============
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
===============
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
===============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
===============
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
===============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back
Customer:! OK
Tech support; Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
== =============
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
===============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
===============
And last but not least...
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
- Friends 2006-09-20 12:22:03 I got a email of a old friend i have not herd from for like foever senice VOD was being a arse now we hang out and talk on msn all the time atm im trying to find more of my friends that still like me couse VOD went insane and started dateing a whore now like very one wants to kill him i herd hes doing drugs just his dad i used to look up to him but now i just see him as a peace of crap that sit on the boutem of my shoe well i hope the drugs kill him soon
JOURNAL: lordbeans (Chuck Julian)
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