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Yay.
2008-06-23 00:11:30
I'm going to explain my reasons for dropping so many MEP's at one time, and why I'm taking a slight break from everything.
1) I just got the new job I was talking about earlier in journals. :O It's not overly demanding (and I'll be sitting at a computer all day!), and doing just basic MS Office junk for minimum wage, but it's still nice. I'm on the shift from about noon to ten at night. I don't plan on making many commitments on the site, because I don't know if I will have the proper amount of time to dedicate to them.
2) I have a lot of books I want to read. I spend about 60 bucks at a used book store a few days back and have about 25-30 books I want to read now. :O
3) I have a new AMV project I plan on dedicating all my creativity towards. I have my script on my bed, and plan to get back to scene selection as soon as I get done typing here. What am I aiming for? To make something I've never attempted before, and to express a lot of my personal feelings into this project.
I digress..
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Like I said above, I got the job I applied for. Ironically, it was a job that I wasn't expecting to get a call back from. It's just a small secretery position in a local buisness. Anyway, I just bascially forward calls, type memos and other junk like that. What's funny is that they hired me over this 28 year old blonde bimbo. I couldn't help but laugh that they gave the job to me, an 18 year old guy starting college. Oh well, who really cares?
I think I'm just about "fixed". Because I've seriously felt broken over the last few months. I've felt like there was no point in life, and seriously had ZERO motivation. In fact, I managed a C in the last nine weeks of my Calculus class in high school. Ironically, it was the Disney Movie "Camp Rock" that kind of did the trick. Demi Lavato's song at the end of the movie really just did me in. I've tried so hard to be the kind of person that everyone around me wants to be, that I've lost who I really was in the process. That song literally made me cry. I know, I know, it's kind of girly for a guy to bawl over a song, but it really spoke to me.
So, now my life has been re-dedicated towards God and His mission for me. I went to church this morning with a renewed sense of faith, and dedication towards finding my dream. I'm going through it, after all. What I've wanted to be since a young child, but never had the courage to tell my mother what I want. A teacher. An educator. A force to help children suceed in their lives. I want to teach high school english, the one class that really spoke to me the most. I know it's what God wants me to do, and I know it's what I want to do.
Sure, I won't make tons of money with my life. Sure, I won't probably ever save a life, defend one's justice or save the world from a scientific menace. But I will be a driving force in some young person's life that CAN do those kinds of things.
I'm sure I will face hardships in my life (especially in these next four years), and I will probably fall face first several times. I will fail. I will lose. I don't care about that though. Because I know God is with me, and will lift me up when I do inevibly fall.
Sorry, I'm starting to sound preachy. :_(
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Here are the lyrics to the song that really inspired me.
I've always been the kind of girl that hid my face,
So afraid to tell the world what I've got to say.
But I have this dream right inside of me.
I'm going to let it show.
It's time.
To let you know, to let you know.
[Chorus]
This is real, this is me.
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now.
I'm gonna let the light shine on me.
Now I found who I am.
There's no way to hold it in.
No more hiding who I wanna be.
This is me.
Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark.
To dream about a life where you're the shining star.
Even though it seems like it's too far away.
I have to believe in myself.
It's the only way.
[Chorus]
This is real, this is me.
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now.
I'm gonna let the light shine on me.
Now I found who I am.
There's no way to hold it in.
No more hiding who I wanna be.
This is me.
(Joe)
You're the voice I hear inside my head.
The reason that I'm singing.
I need to find you, I gotta find you.
You're the missing piece I need.
The song inside of me.
I need to find you.
(Both)
I gotta find you.
(Demi)
This is real, this is me.
(Both)
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now.
I'm gonna let the light shine on me.
Now I found who I am.
There's no way to hold it in.
No more hiding who I wanna be.
(Demi)
This is me.
(Joe)
You're the missing piece I need.
The song inside of me.
(Demi)
This is me.
Yeah.
(Joe)
You're the voice I hear inside my head.
The reason that I'm singing.
(Both)
And now I've found who I am.
There's no way to hold it in.
No more hiding who I wanna be.
This is me.
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How Sad....
2008-06-22 19:54:04
I didn't realize how much I looked at the org during work/downtime. :O
Anyway, I think I've decided to take a break from editing/forum surfing for a while. I think that it's for the best. I'm going to go to a small vacation to Branson, MO for my mother's birthday gift.
Sorry for all the inconviences to MEP coordinators that I'm sure this will be.
:O -
WE must all pay the piper and eat shit waffles....
2008-06-19 22:50:53
Early journal tonight. Why? Because today has been kind of weird and confusing for me.
Premier Pro has crapped out on me. Can't render or export, so now I'm stuck with Vegas. Although, it's getting slightly easier to work with now. And cross fading is a breeze here. It has subtle things about it I love, but then I'm constantly pining for premier. I did a lot today, actually, editing wise. I finished my beta for WAFV, and started on my other one for the same project. :O
My little sister has gotten on my ever last nerve today. She won't leave me alone, and is constatnly bugging me 24/7. So I threatened to take my Wii back into my room and not let her play it. Thus, she hasn't bugged me since.
Oh, and my job interview is tomorrow! If I'm lucky, I'll have a new job tomorrow, thankfully. I'm really hoping for it! :O
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Let's see here.... Unoriginal title... Check!
2008-06-19 01:05:14
I just finished a really good book. I suggest it highly. It is known as "The Novelist". It's very nice.
Moving onward.
The visit to my grandparents went rather well. It was nice seeing them again. I felt a tad strange, but that is to be expected.
I'm really tired right now, so I'm going to bed. More journal later... -
Uh. Yes.
2008-06-18 02:24:43
Well, thankfully we have full electricity now. :O
To reiterate a point I made a while back, Vegas is Satan. I now have a crucifix around my computer until the uninstall is complete. :O
I use :O way too much.
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I got my roomate assigment and my dorm assignment today. I got into the dorm I wanted, and I got an interesting roommate. HE's a Southern Babtist Democrat. He likes hard rock and some types of anime. I kind of got lucky I guess. It could have been a LOT worse. Although I am slightly grateful to have already purchased sound-proof headphones due to his taste in music. :O
I'm visiting my grandparents tomorrow, who I haven't seen in 6 months. I feel bad not seeing them, especially since they're a huge chunk of who I am today. It's just complicated. My dad is living with them, and they basically do everything for him. My five brothers and sisters live there too. It's just difficult going there, seeing the pathetic nature of everything. oh, and my mother hates me going there, so that makes it complicated too. It's always complicated and I usually end up miserable, but I hope this time it's easier on me.
Although I do have a tad bit of good news. *blush* I have an interview for a new job Friday at 3:00. I can't believe it. I've been trying to get a new job for months now, and I finally have a chance! Sure, it's just a retail position, but it's a lot more than that for me. For one, my mother is PISSED. I love that. I can finally start making actual money, other than the pitiful little paycheck the newspaper gives me. Plus, I find working takes my mind off of other complicated matters in my life.
On that same note, I would also like to say that my life is becoming more and more clearer every day. I've been waiting several months now for God's hand to find me (or, in reverse, for me to find God's hand), and He seems to finally answer my prayers. I found his message clear now. Everything will come to me in time. I simply must wait for that time to come to me, and just have hope that it will come sooner rather than later. I no longer have the thoughts of my existance being pointless. Rather, I'm finding outlets to rid myself of those thoughts. One such being me reading a ton of books (I've read about 5-6 in the last three days). I think everything is finally falling into place.
Oh, and I would like to state for the record that I find Ashley (from Resident Evil 4) the single most irritating person in my life. In fact, I got so aggrivated yesterday I just ending up killing the hag myself and quit playing for a while. :/
JOURNAL: CodeZTM (Zackary )
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