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2007-03-23 00:07:52
thanks to Camillia and Ben for caring about me. I wasn't really sad or angry, I was more or less feeling a little lonely LOL. maybe a cooking oil withdrawl symptom? XD
oh god I'm gonna need support when he leaves :P
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Status Report 3: Halfway done :(
2007-03-22 11:47:05
yeah I can't believe that sensei and I only have two more days together. time seemed to move so slow but so fast at the same time. Strange how time works. it kinda reminds me of school. it seems so slow, but when you look at it it's like where did all the time go.
I'm surprised no one even said anything about this. I have two theories on this and speak up if you believe I'm wrong
1. Half of the people don't even believe that we are meeting in real life. How about I get some pics of the two of us together and see how well this holds up. But still I think a lot of people just think that this is our mutral joke since we live on each side of the country and 3,000 miles separates us.
2. People are thinking we're are doing more than I'm actually reporting. actually we're not. The most we did was edit. Like that's freakin' exciting. But i know a lot of what people are thinking....I'm not stupid :P
I think these theroies aren't publically addressed for 3 reasons
Top #1 reason:
No one cares. Not that I hold that against you guys
2. They are afraid of hurting my feelings. what hurts me more is speaking behind my back and even though I'm a bit sensitive I rather people say something to my face. In my eyes, not adressing something to me personally is the greatest insult to my honor.
3. Not a lot of people know sensei. He says that this is actually a good thing that he is ignored but that's not exactly true since he has more friends on the org than me. I am a fucking loner.
I mean, the only person that even spoke to me in the time that my internet shut down was Kikai wishing the two of us luck on this little indevor. Thanks Kikai, that means a lot that someone cares. but I do give credit as well to Arigatomina for helping out figuring out how to scan manga and Cornwiggle for just talking to me.
I wonder if people aren't speaking to me because they feel I have lost all self respect for each other. I must admit that a normal self respecting person wouldn't meet some random person that they met on the internet.
But Chris is more than I could hope for in a guy and he's so sweet. You really can't say anything bad about him since he doesn't have an evil bone in his body.
<3 lubs for Krisqo
I just was getting this off my chest for a bit. It's very healthy to finally admit when things bother me. Something I learned from Chris. and we help each other, it's very nice. Just please do feel free to address me about anything because I miss talking to your guys and when he goes home I will have to go back to having no life :( -
2007-03-22 08:23:26
I finally got my internetz back! YAY!
and I got to cook sensei ramen *^_^*
M & M's so pwn skittles :P
and congrats Addy. <3 -
Status Report 2: Random Stuff
2007-03-20 11:40:11
yeah I see new features on the org going under alerts. now I can really know when people release stuff (although I'm kinda psychic when it comes to Omega XD)
so I'll add people and let people message me. 1 person added me. so where are the other 15 people I usually talk to? And that one person isn't sensei since his comp is back in Philly and my internet is (still) broke o.O
I was joking around with Chris yesterday since he was helping me do chores. How I spent my spring vacation: doing chores. :P
Little Kuriboh released 3 new dubs in a row but they took off one of them because of copyright crap. I have a feeling the boobtube will just buy the copyrights and charge people for the service. when that happens it's bai-bai for good for me. I can only afford free :/ The only reason why I'm a donor is because sensei donated for me as a birthday gift.
dokidoki must have some mad programming skills. and he's doing all this while working on that porfolio thingy. I wish I had that much free time XD lucky.
I am so sleepy. Chris kept me up being a little emo yesterday but I didn't want him to feel guilty for getting a burger from my home. Um, hello? It's just one burger. I can always buy another one :P
I seriously think he's stalking me now o.O
XD
btw, I borrowed his Sakura plushie so now she's sitting next to me while I type. I'm almost half tempted to make one of those posters that said, 'I'm in your face, stealing your plushie XD'
but ironically I'm more awake then I was yesterday, but that might change when I go to history class in two minutes. God that class is boring :/
I have to figure out how to scan a manga w/o actually tearing out the pages. I mean the first pages aren't probably going to be a problem but it's really when it gets to the middle of the book. But I have an excuse to actually try this since I have to scan a copy of my japanese book. So I'll get to work on that. It might take a while to do all the books though. I have about 20 of just YGO, but that's all I really need to scan :P
yeah that's about it for now :P -
Status Report 1: Drama in the world of DCOP
2007-03-19 11:35:08
Wow, there is so much that went on in the past couple of days that it threw me for a loop and made me want to vomit. Or at least feel nauseaded >(
it seemed like sensei had the worst batch of luck due to the delays and cancellations in Philly that's been on the news the past couple of days. I saw that on the news and was like , 'oh god, what if that happened to him?'
well....it did. he ended up though luckly getting a flight here by some sheer miracle, but then he ran into another problem. the motel that he was trying to stay at and reserved in advanced wouldn't rent him the room because he was under 21. I have never heard so much bullshit in all of my life. there's no such rule you asshole. I hate the fact that no one takes you seriously except if you are 30 or more.
so I had to guide him on the phone to another hotel, but my g-parents were giving me bad directions so he was wondering aimlessly in a strange place that he had never visited before. I could tell you by that time he was feeling pissed, emo, all those things. I'm just glad I finally successfully guided him to a hotel where he could get some rest. Poor baby....
so the next day I get up bright and early again to (finally) meet him for the first time in real life. This is granted I was supposed to meet him previously the day before. So in all reality he called me telling me this when I was gun hoe and ready to guide him through my big world he wasn't accustomed to. so I was wandering aimlessly a little the day before because I got a little emo. I ever just walk around sulking or hide in a corner when I get emo. At least if there's no internet like there has been.
So...we decided on where to meet the next day. It was....weird in a way since you would expect to be nervous around someone you've met for the first time...but it was like we've known each other for years. It's kinda suprising even to me that we just naturally click so well. Nice.
So we ate breakfast, played DDR (he was showing me how to play even though he plays on heavy and is damn good) and it was a lot of fun to be had. So then he wanted to meet my g-parents so that he can make an impression on them. My g-ma was at work so that didn't help. and my g-pa is shy so he was kinda hiding out while I pointlessly tried to convince Chris that he really wasn't there cuz that's what I was told to do. and that household you do what you're told or else.
I can say one thing about Chris...this man knows what he wants. and he will stop at nothing to get it. It's actually really scary in a way. but anywho my paranoid sensei comes right before I had to go to school to head me off so he ended up seeing my g-pa anyway.
And for all I know he's still at my house talking to them. Sometimes I swear.....
So here I am at school worrying my ass off because I had NO CLUE what he's saying to them. All I can do is trust that he won't say something stupid >(
what can I do...I seriously think he's stalking me now >)
but yeah anyway it didn't help that i have no money whatsoever because all the money I earned had to go to pay for gas since it's expensive. I wanted to buy him a gift or at least something but all I could do is pay a little bit for one of the buses we took. I just hope that he doesn't think I'm mooching off him. When I get paid next I'll give the money to him to compensate.
but he discovered a major flaw in my personality that I really wasn't all that aware of:
I have another personality. Not like multiple personalities but I just become a different person around my g-parents then around him. It's a terrible thing because he accused me of lying and i would never do that. Please ignore this false facade I had to put up around them.
I feel terrible though. I could barely sleep because the guilt of it all was eating me up inside. I truly and deeply want to be the girl that he can trust with his very life....and so far I can't even earn an inch of his trust.
I am a coward. I am a bloody coward (excuse me sounding british). I can't do anything for myself and he's gone to leaps and bounds just to meet me and my family and I can't even really tell the truth around my g-parents. What the fuck am I on? Now I can see why I don't have any friends in real life. I see what he sees in a way, and I hate what I see. i absolutely loathe it. This isn't me. This is a mindless robotic wall that I've created because I'm too scared to admit my feelings and fault. He doesn't deserve this
I don't deserve him. at least not until I throw that false person aside forever. Which I believe that I can do soon. I want to be brave like him. I want to get what I want when I want it instead of cowaring like a sick puppy.
I love him...and would do anything for him. But now is a good of time more than ever to start proving it to him. starting with decussing what I just wrote down to his face....
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