-
"I am... Becoming. I am transforming..." - The Red Dragon
2003-07-06 10:53:07
Great movie.
Anyway, Before I start my 'discussion' today(Yes, I actually thought what I was going to write about ahead of time), I'd like to say that I'm turning into Koop.
Not the Koop that a really great editor, and spends more time on AMVs then on the toilet(And if you add that all together, we're on the toilet atleast 1/4 of our lives). I mean the Koop that downloads every single damn AMV there is, and stores them on a CD.
Yes, I'm talking about THAT Koop.
Most people don't know that part of Koop.
So, a lot fo people just hitnk Koop is a very quiet elite person.
Kind of like ErMaC. Staying in his little hole, editing, hardly ever coming out for a peep at the real world.
No, it's not like that at all.
Kopp downloads EVERY single video there is, watches them, and, regardless of them being good or bad, stores them on a plathora of CDs. Think of how much time you'd have to spend looking up new videos! 0_o
THAT is where my respect for Koop came from.
And it makes me wonder if that's one of the reasons he's such a good editor.
Because he's watched practically every AMV in existance, you have to think that he knows everything about what's going on in AMVs today. That's some pretty healthy knowledge.
Knowing that, Kopp can successfully combine old with the new, and best of the best together in his videos.
Although, he probably never thinks about it that way. Worse comes to worse, it's all subconcious.
So next time you go to ask Koop to watch your video to see if it's good, you should probably tell yourself he's already seen it, and is using it as a reference for his new video right now.
Wow, that was a sappy, mellow speech. I have no idea where it came from! ^^;;
But, my preordained entry is about Bitch Threads.
Do you remember them?
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you might as well just not read today's entry since it won't make sense to you.
But for those who DO know what I'm talking about, I finally would like to state my apologies, and explain what possessed me to write them and why.
So here it goes.
I have an elitist attitude. It doesn't matter if I'm the worst there is at whatever I'm talking about or doing, I always act like I know what I am doing, and am better at it then everyone else. Well, atleast it was that way last year.
I think it spawned from what I actually AM elite at. Role playing. I've been doing it for over four years now, know every style of text based role play there is to know, and am one of the best at parabasing. Back in my beginning days, I was also one of the best speeders. If you have no idea what I'm saying here, don't worry, you'll get it soon enough.
But even though I AM elite, and I AM better then a lot of people, doesn't mean I should act that way. It's just plain rude and very annoying to other people. Especially the other elites. Not to mention it basically nullifies any newbie's chances at making it anywhere by blowing their self-esteem to pieces.
Last year, I went on an elitist rampage. I bragged everywhere, I proceeded to say in my profile that I was better then everyone else, and conitnued to say "If I role play in your room, you know you're good". I also said "If you can't rp my way, you don't know how to rp." The last statement is really kind of true, since I know all rules of role playing, and know precisely how much you can bend them before they break. I have an excellent eye for moders, but that doesn't mean I don't accidentally mode myself. It happens. I needed to get over it.
I shoved my elitism in people's faces. I did because it made me feel good. It made me feel like I was somebody important. Although I am pretty popular, that doesn't mean I should shove it in people's faces. There are people who are way better then me at role playing, and either stopped because it got boring being the best, or just keep a low profile because they don't like it. I, on the other hand, was full out.
I know I'm elite now, but I'm pretty good at keeping it in. I have over 100 people on my MSN IM list. What? That's not a lot of people?
You're right. It isn't. But you didn't let me finish.
Over 100 people from role playing. I'm not counting all the people from the org, or my real friends, who are usually pit on a different list so I'm not so full of IM windows when I want to talk to someone I actually want to talk to.
You're probably reading this right now and thinking "Man is she full of it." or "What the hell, she is still acting elitist."
No I'm not full of it, yes I'm acting elitist right now. But there's not really a way I can avoid that while writing this. So bare with me. The AMV part is coming up.
So what does this have to do with bitch threads?
Everything.
When people started hating me for my elitist attitude, they stopped talking to me. I didn't feel like "somebody" anymore. I wasn't important. I had no reason to live.
So I blamed all my problems on the org.
I knew I wasn't popular enough to just write whatever crap and vent in my journal and get a lot of sympothy emails, but what I did know was that practically everyone read all topics in the forum. So that's where I went.
And I bitched.
And I bitched.
And then I bitched some more about being a bitch.
I continued to say "It's YOUR fault I'm not getting opinions"
"It's YOUR fault that I'm not popular"
and worst of all,
"It's YOUR fault you don't enjoy MY work, which is BY FAR better then YOURS!"
I resent that statement I made, and I always will.
Regardless of my suffering and outcries for help, I made a lot of "friends" when I was in the forums complaining about shit that sshouldn't be complained about.
It was how I met absolute destiny, and got aquainted with Misty. I don't remember a lot, but I'm pretty sure it's one of the direct reasons I got affiliated with KLin and ANime Jedi for opinion swapping.
I still have no idea WHY they helped me. I was practically rubbing it in their faces that they sucked ass, and I was better then Phade and ErMaC combined.
I don't know, maybe they pitied me, or knew what I was going through.
A lot of people flamed me for my bitching. I was outraged at that. I was thinking "HOW could you say that to ME?!" and I was genuinely hurt.
I don't remember who or exactly which topic it was, but someone said something along the lines of "Everytime you're faced with a problem, that doesn't give you rights ot make a bitch topic about it and blame us."
I didn't really think much about it at the time, but now that's gotten through to my skull.
They were right.
And they still are.
But bitching wasn't the worst of it.
I flamed other people for things that sometimes didn't exist.
I fought with people who said my videos sucked.
I screwed over people who said I should stop bitching.
And then there was OhMyBelldandy. I truly feel sorry for her, because she's the one person I spilled all of my pent up rage on in one really big pile of shit flame.
Her avatars and sigs annoyed me.
Her website was worse.
Her profile made me mad.
Her ignorance(although not there on purpose), along with her immaturity just down right pissed me off.
And I finally lost it.
And I was happy and proud that I did.
I thought she deserved it.
Look at OMB, now. Her family is falling apart. Her life is practically gone. I am so upset with myself that I made her life a pile of shit the one time she could've been happy, all because of my bitching and anger.
But I'm better now.
I've apologized to OMB, and I still dislike some of the things she does, but she's 14. Everyone makes mistakes. I should just accept that. I'd now hope that OMB and I are somewhat "friends". I'd like to make up for what I did to her life.
But when I was bitching I was sick.
I was very, very sick.
I still am, and I probably always will be, but last year was the worst of it.
I have depression, and I have no help. I do not talk to any pshciatrists, and I do not take any medication. I do not go to rehad clinics, I don't even go to the school counsilor.
I hate them. I hate them all. And I'm very afriad. I hate the way they speak, and I was so messed up last year, that looking back at it now, they should have put me in a penitentory and overdosed me with meds.
Last year, I failed at suicide three times.
I cut myself with a papercut.
I wrote a huge book full of suicide notes.
What little social life I had went up in flames, and the few friends that I knew left me.
I gave people online a huge amount of pain. Since I didn't have any councilors ot talk to, I resorted to other elite rpers online. I'm glad that they actually kept that IM window open and let me vent, but I'm also very fristrated with myself for all the pain I caused to one of those people.
Phil.
Phil is THE best role player that I know. He's basically the text-based role play form of Phade, with Koop and ErMaC's talents for AMVing combined within him.
Phil has what I'd like to call bi-polar disorder, and has had a lot of expierence with Depression.
I threatened to kill myself while talking to him.
I tore his emotions apart, and then I shredded them all to none existance.
I am the sole reason why Phil quit role playing, and will probably never be the same again.
I hate myself for it.
His whole life just went down into the very pits of Hell and then it went further.
It was one bad thing after another.
His depression started acting up, his friends died, his parents got divorced.
I'm not saying I caused all THOSE things, I'm just saying that I made it worse for him, since he was already screwed up enough before those things even came about.
I want to apologize.
I've hurt too many people, in too many ways, and I should really, REALLY stop relying on others to take over MY burden.
Although I'm better at controlling my outcries now, there are still times when I want to kill myslef, and every day is a constant battle between my raging hormones, emotions, and Depression.
Nothing would make my life better if everyone who I have hurt in some way, shape, or form would accept this apoloy.
I am very aware that I was a very sick bitch and nasty about it, and bit everyone around me, infecting them with rabies.
I know it's very hard to forgive me, but please do.
I am very very sorry. Words do not explain how sorry I am.
If I could do anything to make your lives a little bit easier, please tell me, and I'll try to do the best that I can take make you a little happier.
Because rigth now, I am filled with guilt for what I did last year, and I know I always will be. So there's nothing I can do right now but try to repent.
.... Thank you for reading all this, and again, I am really, really sorry for what I did. -
Reviews 'n Stuff
2003-07-05 19:44:01
But first you have to read a rant. Here it goes.
-smacks hands down-
You know what I HATE?
People who can't rate!
That is PERCIESELY why CRAP videos are in the top 100 star scales, while MUCH better videos can't even be found in the top 500!
Do you want to know WHY this is?
POPULARITY!
Yes, that's right.
AMV making is just a HUGE popularity contest. Don't tell me you didn't know that before. I'm just re-emphasizing.
If you make some super original AMV, the better then EVERY video out there, and you're either a new member, or just not very well known, then BAM! You get smacked with a big fat label that says "I SUCK".
And that's before anyone even WATCHES any of your videos!
Then, if you combine said drawbacks with an overused anime and/or song, your instantly slapped with a huge sticker that says "I SUCK, NEVER WATCH MY VIDEOS!"
Even if it's the best combination of anime/song there ever was!
And I'm not complaining because of MY misfortune. Sure, I'm upset that some of MY videos didn't make the top 100 on the star scale, but a lot of my best work isn't even on local, so it doesn't matter anyway.
Yes, I like it when people say my videos are good, but really, I don't care. I'm an outcast, and I always will be. I don't make AMVs for fun anymore. I do it because I actually WANT to be an editor when I get the chance. So not only do I strive for good rating, I try to go out there, and do things never done before.
But, as I said, this isn't about me. There's TONS of GREAT creators that NO ONE has ever heard about!
Then, there's creators that are doing GREAT for their first videos, but arn't quite there yet. Take GeneStarwind122(I think those are the numbers), for instance.
Also, Princess Buzzy, (Known as "Andriod 18" on the org) has done PHENOMINAL work on her videos, ESPECIALLY her FFX video, "Nobody Loves Yuna". See, she used FFX, AND it's a romance/drama video. Gee, who ever thought that combination would turn out well?
I certainly didn't see it, but I'm mentioning her right now as a good editor.
By far better then me(And she uses WMM!).
Not to mention there's also gypsy, who is, hands down, one of the best editors I've ever seen. Hell, I'll even throw in that I think she's better then Koop.
And then, there's my point of this whole essay: CRAPPY RATERS.
People who cannot rate.
Atleast 50% of the people out there who are too lazy to leave a fully opinion leave a star that suits them perfectly, but not the video.
Wondering what I mean?
Simple. There are those people who saw a video, and simply just don't star rate it until they are forced to(every tenth local download). By that time, they probably don't even remember what the video was about, and probably don't want to rewatch it, so they just throw a number around. I know plenty of editors who do this.
There are also those who watch the video, and just don't like it in their opinion. For whatever reason. It was an overused song/anime, or they didn't like the style or said song/anime. Some editors instantly give the AMV a "1" if this happens. I know a few who do this. I've had it done to me plenty of times. (You know I try to use overused things in original ways... Linkin Park, Kenshin, "Bring Me to Life"... To name a few)
Then, there's the people who just throw around a "1" in spite. They don't liek the creator, the creator did better then the person who's rating, who is mad and doesn't want to see it in the top whatever, or they're just in an angry mood.
There are also, of course, the elitist people who say "Well, this isn't better then I could do, so it gets a '1'". I know a few people who rate htis way, as well.
You should be rating the TECHNICAL aspects of the video. There is no room within a 5-digit range to express whether you liked it or not. You have to have atleast 10 digits to express that. 5 digits, you only express technical details.
For instance, to me, 1 is utter CRAP. The dimensions are distorted, there was no editing done, it was shit footage, and was thrown together by stuffing music and video into a blender.
THAT'S technical stuff.
"1" is NOT "Man, I hated that song, blah." OR "God, I want MY video in the top ten, not 'Euphoria'!"
THOSE are not ones.
If you rate like this(the bad parts I mentioned) then PLEASE change your ways. Lots of undeserving videos get rated very well, simply because you liked it (i.e. The exact opposite of the afore mentioned reasons), and lots of deserving videos get dumped into the garbage because of your unruly way of star-rating things.
I hope, that if you rate this way, you will "see the light" and start rating fairly as opposed to having predujices(sp.). Star rating is just like leaving an opinion. The ONLY difference is that star-rating is shorter. It may SEEM liek it's easier to star rate a video, but in actuality, it's just about the same difficulty as writing an opinion.
----
So, that was my rant.
ANd please don't make me repeat my banner rant. I SWEAR I WILL if ONE MORE crappy banner that has NOTHING to do with AMVs is voted for!!
Like irght now, I'm looking at a RahXephon banner. Why the hell did it win?
Because it looks nice? Because it's RahXephon? Because you think the main character is cute? Because "Euphoria" used RahXephon and similiar coloring techniques?
WELL WHO THE HELL CARES?! I sure don't. ALL AMV BANNERS SHOULD HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH AMVs.
ANIME is not AMV
MUSIC is not AMV
Anime + Music does NOT equal video,
and last of all, pretty pictures and popular anime characters do NOT make good AMV banners.
.
.
.
So, now to my reviews.
I was hopping through the top 100's star scale, and saw "The Professional" trailer by MeriC and VegettoEX. It shocked me to see that, because I know they haven't made a trailer and a REALLY long time, and I didn't know they were releasing another trailer any time soon.
Well, I left an opinion, and in technical aspects, it really wasn't what I was expecting, but overall it was great.
The other video I saw today was gypsy's "2D Transcends", which has absolutely nothing to do about anime, but was still awesome. It's the most original AMV I've ever seen, and definetly worth a few watches. We did an opinion exchange. Her video got some very good scores. =D
The movies I saw that need to be reviewed, start off with what I saw today(T3), and then everything else is really in no particular order.
T3 was a GREAT movie. It TRANSCENDS it's other videos. It was the first action video that actually had me gripping on the end of my seat, wanting more. And that wasn't because of all the action scenes, and spontaneous explosions(Which were actually there for a cause other then to entertain![GASP!]).
Despite all the money that the video must have cost, and all the people who will surely go "Man, it's just a Matrix wannabe" may I remind you that Terminator came WAY before the Matrix? Therefore, you should all be looking at the Matrix and saying "OMG! The Matrix is such a terminator wannabe! Man and machine.. Fighting? It's like... Total copy-ness!"
Yes, that's right. You heard me. T3 was better then the Matrix. The first one. Since the first Matrix was much better then the second.
T3 gets a 9/10. Why a 9 and not 10/10? Because there were some minor editing qualms. But, with all action videos, your bound to atleast have one.
An example would be the very large magnet that attracted all things metal... Except the guns they were holding, and the door they opened(to the outside, not the inside). Nothing really big, that's happened plenty of times in other action flicks.
The Hulk gets a 3/10. Despite how much a really liked it, it sucked. It was like the movie was TRYING to be a comic book. You had panel looking transitions, completely uneeded transitions, and then just flat out annoying transitions. It was like an episode of 24 gone horribly wrong.
The characters, although had WAY more depth then the reviewers gave credit, just wern't played very well. The plot was lacking... All the subconcious and inner-mind communication going through the main character and Hulk were completely lost since they were just thrown about in the middle of nowhere, causing anyone who hasn't read the comic/can interpret dreams(even a little bit) to be thrown into a state of confusion.
Not to mention that the climax came about 2/3 the way through the movie.
Although the CG was probably the best CG we will EVER see on this face of the galaxy, it was all wasted due to the other things.
Next time you want to watch a movie, keep in mind that the more money the crew blows on advertising, is the same amount you can take off of good quality.
Look at the first Matrix. Hardly ANY advertising, AT ALL. And look how much the movie rocked. Although that can't be said about the second matrix, the 1st is a great example of the law of movies. "More advertising=Worse movie" compared to "Less advertising=Better movie".
Ta daa! You have a perfect equation, that has next to no variables.
For another completely useful rant, reas BishounenStalker's entry for 6/28/03, entitled "If it's one thing that's starting to bug me...."
EVERYONE should read that rant. It's lest angsty, very informitive, and completely true.
-
1600+ hits! (woo!)
2003-07-05 12:50:22
I FINALLY started working on the Escaflowne video yesterday!
Escaflowne is SO hard to work with.
I mean, I worked with the movie before, and it wasn't too hard, so I thought the series would be a breeze.
But damn! It's just like Nightwalker! I HATE working with it! HATE HATE HATE.
Yesterday, I was so sure I'd just scrap the whole idea altogether and just start working on a humor video I've been planning for awhile.
But alas, today, with new found energy, I'm all for doing it again. I'm pretty sure that by the end of every single day I edit this vid, I'll be saying I want to quit..
And then the next day, I'll edit it anyway. =
Did I mention I hate this video, already?
I mean, it will probably end up being some odd undiscovered classical masterpiece, but I will hate and condone it saying that "Oh sure, it's good, but I hate watching it".
God, what life would I have then?
Oh well.
On the other note, the comic I'm writing, formerly titled "Len and the stupid guy he's risking his life for" is up to chapter 11. Chapter one is taking up atleast 9 panels, so I wonder how many panels I've written...
I'm kind of glad I'm not illustrating, lol. =D
Too much work for me! I will, however, end up drawing one crutial plot point. That's where Len get's punished and SQ hurt... Because Len isn't that good at drawing action sequences, and he's also not the type of guy to draw 'realistic' things. I offered to draw it and so I'm up for drawing it.
I have every single frame planned out in my head. I believe that that's the only chapter that's one panel.... Oh well.
Also, I said "formerly titled" because we have decided to ditch the name. SQ's the serious one, and Len is the comic relief, therefore, the title makes absolutely no sense. We've been trying to think up a better title, but no luck. I'm thinkin about just calling it "Shinpi", which is the name of the planet SQ lives on...
... Oh yes, don't ask why the girl in the comic is named SQ. Just don't.
Speaking of which, I really need some name that's two words. The first word needs to start with an "S", the second "Q". I'm thinking maybe "suspicious Quarry" or something like that... But that doesn't sound like an actual name. Ho hum, decisions. I never knew comics could be so hard! I guess this one's only hard for me because I've never done a humor strip before. Every so often the atmosphere gets so serious, and I have to come up with some comic relief. I promised Len it'd be a humorous comic, and I'll try and keep my word the best I can. I just don't want it to be "Wow, this is funny, but there's no story".. SO now there's story on the back burner with humor interface.
-shakes fist at backburner-
And on another note, I have four pages left to color of "From The SHadows, they call me Knuckles" comic, and then I can draw some more. Although, I haven't touched that comic in SUCH a long time.... -
Tiredness
2003-07-01 21:03:45
Yes, very tired. Everything hurts.
I just got back from kendo, and right now, my butt hurts. It always does for some odd reason. I took Pain meds before I went though, so right now my ass is the only thing eluding the pills' help.
I still need to watch the last two eps of Escaflowne.. I guess I'll do that tonight...
..My nose still hurts.
I finished the first two panels for the comic I'm writing, and I'm determined ot finish atleast five before I do something else.
And i have a crush on Len, the guy who's drawing the comic. He's 20 and lives in Utah. Just my luck. ><
I woke up at 1:30 today...
I've been watching AMVs all day, it seems.
Just whatever was on my desktop, which was 50% my huffys, and 50% other people's that I haven't put on a CD yet...
I'm really addicted to ssjVegita0609's "Infinity". Love the song, too.
Anime Jedi:
Dreams always occur during REM sleep(rapid eye movement sleep), which occurs right before you wake up.
ALL dreams do that, so just because you're half awake, doesn't mean you're not going to have a meaninful dream.
Sky diving... I'm kind of afraid of hieghts. But arn't we all? lol. I don't know, everyone always says that's really great fun.
England, England, england. Really a great country, but I liked Wales, better. Regardless, the trip is HELLA expensive. My family got all our hotels and airfare for free, and it still cost us a few thousand dollars!
Our diet pretty much consisted of fast food and Italian...
But, it's still a trip to remember!
I may only like Wales better because it was less crowded. I was in Cardiff, Wales, and even though that's the capitol, it wasn't so crowded as London. Sure London had a lot fo cool attractions and parks, but it was so... Overly filled with people.
I don't know about you, but I like observing nature alone.
Anyway, yeah writing stuff down gets rid of a lot of stress. Unfortunetly, I wish I could just write stuff down like you do, but I think too much. I'd probably start writing a short story or something... -
PH34R!!!
2003-06-30 22:10:55
Still haven't watched the rest of Escaflowne, lol.
Only two episodes, and I keep putting it off... I wonder why ><
Anyway, I'm now the writer of a comic alled "Len and the Stupid Guy He's Risking His Life For"! Isn't that great? Of ocurse, Len_geta will be the illustrator.
It started out as an in-forum joke (Crtl + C/V/Z forums), and then I did a really odd crappy copy and paste comic... And then Len mentioned somehting about how he wanted to draw again.
One thing led to another, and now we're working on a few panels together.
I have four whole papers to color before I'm caught up on my Sonic Comic, now entitled, "From the Shadows, They Call Me Knuckles". FOUR!
Well, I guess that's a step up. =s It took me two whole days to finish just coloring in the backgrounds of the past pages, and that was with help from my mom! >.>
So once I'm done coloring, I can begin drawing it again, and then be off to the next saga of the comic.. Woo.
Anime Jedi:
White Water Rafting is just as cool as it is on TV! Except, they never show you how often you can fall off the raft ^^;;
You should try it sometime, Kevin. They have tours where you can go with a guide. The guide tells you how and when to paddle down the rapids, and it's as much fun as a water park without all the synthetic-ness.
Plus, I know how you like nature... It's also one hell of a great scenic trip (I love sitting and just watching Nature, too.).
Oh man, now it sounds like I'm stalking you. >.>
If you want to just float down the river, do a class 1-2 river. some great rapids, fun, and scenic-ness do 3-4.
And then, if you want all the rapids you can handle, and lots of insurance and injury wavers, go for a class 5! (That's the highest class!)
Teens always look older on TV because of all the make up. As for real life, I'm still trying to figure that out, myself...
No RP? Drat. Because that's what the third dream was about!
Most of it faded, now, but here's the jist. (Boy my hands hurt from typing):
In ENgland(AGAIN! ><) I'm going down these streets. A friend of mine, Kitty, is dragging me to some live action RPing. (That's like D&D, but instead of saying "My character walks over to so-and-so", you actually do it in real life).
It's night, and kind of foggy, but humid. She finally finds the place, drags me down a bunch of stairs, and crams me into an auditorium-looking place, with three different stages. Think Cinema, with the moving playing on your left, right, and right in front fo you, and that's what you get.
She's dragging me through, trying to find us a seat(I don't really like Kitty, she's obnoxious, and I'm not too fond of the idea of live-action RP, either).
She finally finds two that are empty, it's a crowded place. Lots of people are dressed up in costumes. Kitty is wearing a simple black cape-type coat. Me, and the person to my left are just wearing normal clothes.
The person to my left is you.
Even though the seats are all lined up like a theater's, almost no one is sitting down. Kitty takes a seat, waiting impatiently.
I look at you oddly.
An orchestra begins playing on the stage on the left. The center and right stages are completely empty(but also have theater-like seats on them, all folded up, and conected to the stage).
Kitty complains. She is annoyed that the DM hasn't announced anything yet. (DM is the Dungeon master, he is basically the producer of the RP production.. If you're following me. =s)
You point over to the orchestra and say something along the lines of "they're playing tonight because he isn't coming."
And I don't remember the rest.
The thing that seems to be constant in the dreams is that you always look indifferent. You never frown or smile. =s.
Man, with you on the mind right now, I may as well have a forced dream of you . =s.
Well, Kevin, if you want to check out everything about dreams, go here:
http://dreamdoctor.com
There's a dictionary on dream terms. There's also a section dedicated ot telling you how to remember your dreams. Once you get good enough at it, you don't even need to write them down, and you can still remember the important things for about a week unless something really important in your life (like your birthday, a soccer game, etc.) gets on your mind.
And then there are people who just don't have dreams.
But I don't think you're one of those. You usually remember when you don't have a dream.
And then you always remember if you do have one, and you just can't grasp it. That happened ot me last night. =s.
Anyway, hope that helps you.
JOURNAL: SQ (StandardQuip )
Current server time: Nov 12, 2025 23:49:18