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Update
2003-11-15 11:48:51
Pokemon AMV link deleted today...
... I'd still like to know what Project Genius is...
TFF is being uploaded to Jacob's server tonight... I'll put the link in my profile ASAP. It'll only be d/l'able for a week, that's 7 days...
So if you want it, d/l as soon as I post up the link. =p -
....
2003-11-15 10:48:37
Wtf is Project Genius?
I searchd the forum and got no results... Could someone IM/PM/email me about it? I'd like to know...
AIM: Brigrelq
MSN/Email: Q_mun@hotmail.com -
Self esteem boost
2003-11-14 09:38:55
Today I met a fan of mine during school. Sam(Gabriel, I think on the org) introduced me to Gabe.
Here's how it went:
Sam: "Q, this is gabe."
Me: "Hey, Gabe"
Gabe: "So you're SQ, the God of AMVs."
Me: "Yep."
Biggest Self esteem boost EVAR.
Other than that, I just bombed another math test.... -
Zoloft sucks
2003-11-13 10:44:01
I've been grounded from the computer for a week, so don't do that seven day thing this time... =
I'm at school right. Mmmm.... Macs.
See you next week... -
Blah blah blah blah..../Charlie Brown's teacher
2003-11-11 17:46:58
Okay, so I went to school, and today's Character Ed day.(Sleep in tuesday).
That's when we go to 1st period, THEN homeroom. And in homeroom we take role and do the stupid character ed.
But the STUPID thing is, last year we had certain words, right? Well, this year, we have the SAME words.
And we talk about them with the SAME people. As if it wern't already bad enough. -_-'
ANYWAY...
Math is my first period. And as the past weeks have been, I was spacing out and earning zeroes and whatnot...
So let's backtrack, here. I never wrote about my past counselor's appointment. I basically drew stuff for her and then she wants to write a life story. Whoa. Now that's a ton of stress right there. WRITE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY? I thought COunselor's were supposed to help you release stress, not make it!
So anyway, It was dubbed homework so I have to give it to her on thursday(this week). So I have bene writing it in Math class(the most lecture-type class).
So yesterday, in math, I was writing it, and a yellow legal pad is apparently a bit more noticable then regular paper and drawing. So I get to the part where I cut myself, so I'm already getting tears in my eyes, and then the teach asks me to put the paper away. That just made my depression worse, and I started to sob uncontrollably for the next five minutes... There was drool all over my arm from sobbing on it. It was gross. =s
Anyway, by next period I was fine. Which was weird. So today comes along, and I'm writing in the pad again, not at a depressing part, and the teach asks me to put it away. I get tears all in my eyes again, and try to hold it in for the longest time.
Then somebody asked how much longer we have in the class, and someone else answered 35 minutes. And I was like, "Holy shit, I can't take this humilitation/sadness for another half an hour..."(In my head, of course. And btw, what I meant by humilation is... Think of me as a guy; Crying is like a huge dent in my pride. -_-;)
So I finally get my face dry enough to ask to go to the bathroom. First thing I do is go to the counselor. I go to her office, and she isn't there. So I take one of those yellow slips that you're supposed ot fill out so they cna get you out of class later, and I walked around awhile debating it, and then put it back. I wnated to see her NOW, not later. So I left and went ot the bathroom. Last handicapped stall(which isn't as big as it should've been, let me tell you...) and kind of bent over and cried for awhile until someone came in. So I try to hold it in, and fuck, that girl was in there an enourmous amount of time, so I dry my face and try to find someother place.
I can't think of a good spot... Well, I almost went outside, but I didn't think much... I was exiting out the front office. Man, was I stupid. Luckily I stopped myself before going passed the front office's windows... Went back to the working pay phone, called my mom collect..(I don't carry change in my pocket). Sobbed a bunch on the phone(Something's up with me when I am sad; every time I try to talk, all that comes out is coughs and sobs and hardly noticible syllables. I might as well hyperventillate-- I'd get more done.) So she comes ot pick me up...
Well, she needs a place ot pick me up, so I go to the clinic. Tell them I'm having a depression attack, and sit in a chair facing a wall and start to bawl again.
Worse part about it is that I was wearing my trenchcoat today... So seeing a tall manly girl in a big leather trenchcoat is not only embarrasing for me, but quite awkward to passersby...
Anyway, my mom came about ten minutes later, and then my math teacher found me... I don't know how. She talked ot my mom, so I didn't have to talk, and she also got my stuff.
So much for my teachers not knowing I have head problems.
So then I go home, and I tell you I had NO thought of self mutilation of ANY KIND. In fact, that was FAR, FAR from my mind. But does anyone listen to me? Of course not.
Who the fuck is going to listen to a bawling depression person who might as well be crazy. HA.
So of course they wouldn't leave me alone. And all I wanted was to be alone so I could cry. Crying just.. Happens. And it's good to let out stress that way too, so all I wanted to do was just sit in my room and cry for awhile. But I don't even get THAT. No. I get to sit in the car for an hour up to the airport, embarrassing myself infront of my mom and my grandma, and then stay in the car for an hour all the way back....
After crying for such a long period of time I kinda got mellow... Watched Tv when I got back until the psychiatrist appointment.
When we went to the psychiatrist, I hated her right away. When I said I hated counselors, I was wrong. I hate psychiatrists. Wendi(Counselor)'s okay, but This psychiatrist... If I could have killed myself I wouldv'e done it during her talk with me.
It was like... FUCK YOU.
She talked to me AND my mom like we were five year olds. And she had this WAY high voice, and it was... Just the way her voice got when she talked... Ugh. I WANT TO SLIT YOUR THROAT YOU SON OF A BITCH...
Long story short, I am on Zoloft, now. ...
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