- i feel like kicking my self 2003-07-29 02:17:53 well since i cant sleep like usual i figured id tell everybody whats on my mind. lately i havent been eating well and i hardly eat at all. my mom says im depressed and that may be the case. well its a long story but ill make it short. it all started before i graduated high school. i finally got the nerve to tell a girl i like of what i really thoguht about her. she didnt tell me any thing after what i said. i kinda wrote it to her. ive talked to her before and we are on good terms. so were kinda friends you might say. i rarely talk to her at least once a month mainly because shes a prep and because she talks to people i do not like. so there are rare covnersations but there pretty good ones say to least. there were few girls in that school that i considered friends. i had at least 3 girls that i considered just friends. only one of them that i thought i would consider of going out with. most of the other girls i was friends with have all ready graduated and moved on. i rarely see any of them. so basically i told her half way about how i felt about her. she didnt say anything at all to me about it. i really wish she did cause then i would of really told her. she was really talking to me that last week we had togeter before we graduated. i manily didnt tell her how i felt because she had a boyfriend at the time. i would of gotten shot done anyways. i couldnt take care of her. im not realy that great. i wouldnt last a week with a her not to mention a day. but God she is sooooo hot. at least she knows i have some what interest in her. for some reason some girls think that i am hot. i dont really think so. i dont really care for myself that much. i have a very low self esteem. but i really wish i did tell her fully infront of her face to face. now its too late. i knew it would come to this. damn it if i could go back to that day. hopefully when i get into college which will be this fall ill hopefully meet a nice girl that shares my interest. i guess you can kinda say the girl i liked was the girl of my dreams. i feel like crying when i type this. i gusse thats why im so depressed and practically starve myself. on top of that i cant even find a damn job. ive been looking and looking all over the damn place. damn low economy. mother fuckers cant even run a damn country. how we got this far i dont know. some times i just want to roll over and die. why am i so freaking lonely?? am i that boring?? well some people actually think im pretty interesting. in 9th grade i almost went out with this other prepy girl that i was friends with but she had a boy friend. but she admited to me that she would of went out with me. i wish the other girl i liked did the same. maybe she was expecting me to confront her first. ahhhhhhh i feel like Krillin off dbz. but he eventually got a hot wife. maybe things will work out right?? right???
- damn bees 2003-07-27 16:52:24 i just got stung by another bee. in the same week! you know how long it takes for the pain to go away?? 3 days. 3 fuckin days. first you dont feel the pain. then it starts to tingle. they all need to be squashed.
- work pushed back on YYH vid 2003-07-27 13:03:42 damn it i have to hold off work on my YYH vid cause of some damn problem. once i figure it out i can resume work on it again. i was on a roll too.
- got home late again 2003-07-27 01:09:01 well i got home late again. except not as late as last nite. this time i saw Tomb Raider 2. pretty good even though i havent seen the frist one. went by really quick unlike BB2. now that was a long damn movie. still tinkering around with my YYH vid. ill work on it all next week probably.
- working on new YYH vid 2003-07-26 14:22:27 yup im starting on a new YYH vid. its my third one. no dark tornament this time thatll be in the fourth video. im basing this one off the second movie. well thats about it.
JOURNAL: Bebop0083
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