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A Question or Five (in case anyone listens)
2003-02-26 16:10:06
Does it make me defective if I don't know how I work sexually?
How will I be able to communicate how to make me "happy" like that if I don't know what to do?
Am I being selfish?
Is it wrong that it takes me so long to get anywhere sexually?
Maybe I just need to put a hole in my head.
It's frustrating to be so damn clueless...even when I've tried and experimented and read lots of stuff about it.
Maybe no one can do it for me and I don't want to be a pain and expect anything especially when it's so difficult and I can't really teach well.
Is there something wrong with me? -
Ach! Perdon!
2003-02-26 12:35:10
Everything here is so weird lately.
I fear I'll fail and I get a B.
I'm sure I'll ace and I get a C+
{pulls out hair}
SO FRUSTRATING!!!!
Shauna is going crazy.
Gotta stop talking about me in the third person.
I feel like I'm falling apart and no one likes me.
They laugh as I fall. Why?
I think I'm not being good enough for people to want me around.
Even conversation is forced like their smiles, laced with contempt.
What's going on? -
LOL! I have to put this in! (googleism for Shauna)
2003-02-25 16:05:16
shauna is my bon bon
shauna is featured on new discoveries network
shauna is kidnapped
shauna is bitter about the changes to her lifestyle
shauna is a published writer of short fiction
shauna is currently our region iv vice president
shauna is co
shauna is recommended by fellow agents for honesty and integrity as an experienced utah real estate agent professional
shauna is part of a group of three that are highly recommended and nominated by fellow local realtors for their knowledgeable
shauna is the most skilled
shauna is a certified facilitator for woman within
shauna is an arizona native
shauna is a 29" tall porcelain doll created by the team of rustie and donna rubert
shauna is 20 and recently graduated from pittsburgh technical institute where she studied multimedia design
shauna is so happy that she has a buddy
shauna is currently a junior at cal poly
shauna is a passionate and devoted teacher
shauna is an enthusiastic advocate and performer of contemporary music
shauna is an original?poet
shauna is a
shauna is working with youth unlimited and has developed workshops for youth groups and worship teams/leaders on worship
shauna is a twelve year old girl with chronic renal failure from reflux nephropathy and hypertension
shauna is forced to make a heart breaking decison
shauna is considering a medical
shauna is connected to the following things
shauna is connected to because
shauna is a member of the periodical writers association of canada
shauna is responsible for the management of 13 different programs and services offered by the society including
shauna is the daughter of marie and john novicki
shauna is responsible for membership services for the michigan association for child care providers
shauna is my current dog
shauna is an accomplished performer who has been singing
shauna is lovely as she is close up gagged on screen
shauna is the idaho angler?s long
shauna is a terrific athlete who is very explosive to the basket
shauna is wearing a black adidas hat with a white logo
shauna is cooled after this incident as he doesn't want to lose his daughter
shauna is working within a salary range of $40
shauna is a 2001 graduate of central missouri state university in warrensburg
shauna is a "lumpy" scrapbooker who loves to layer her pages with three
shauna is one busy scrapper
shauna is highly active in her community
shauna is a comedian who lives in my apartment
shauna is now living in a foster home
shauna is a college student at the church
shauna is now attending college
shauna is currently assisting with special projects
shauna is a previous national level gymnast as well as a national level trampolinist
shauna is a stunning tv/ts and her website features details of her services at her private and discreet residence in london
shauna is responsible for the general management of the business
shauna is currently a spokesperson for the racing for the rainbow children's charity
shauna is not listening
shauna is only helping him
shauna is fortunate enough to be married to the same man for the last twenty nine years and has one son who is in college right now
shauna is coming from
shauna is too young to know that she and aidan have been playing santa all these years
shauna is hoping to be among the top
shauna is the new hotline coordinator for the cleveland rape crisis center
shauna is a graduate of the university of missouri and hails from kansas city
shauna is a graduate of carleton university in psychology with honours in international development
shauna is a big help
shauna is also doing a new series of city hospital from southampton
shauna is aged 8
shauna is fond of cooking
shauna is very skilled with what one might call "garage
shauna is currently a professor of music and co
shauna is on portland's a team
shauna is the most mentally tough player i have ever had the opportunity to play with
shauna is still seeking a way to insure that ballooning doesn't remain a "sunrise" thing
shauna is a very lucky lady
shauna is a contemporary folk artist from toronto
shauna is an honor roll student at ladera vista junior high
shauna is a good person and i haven't and don't ever plan on judging her
shauna is vice president and portfolio manager
shauna is currently authoring a book on content management
shauna is in an elevator that is moving downward at ___ mph
shauna is mike's daughter
shauna is definitely going to add to our scoring capabilities in the 200 and 400 im
shauna is a feisty type
shauna is checking her schedule and will know by early next week
shauna is currently a junior at plattsburgh state university in ny and shes a communications major
shauna is the main character in “t8n6n4”
shauna is reckless that she drives this way
shauna is now attending brigham young university
shauna is very excited to be back this summer after working as the leadership coordinator last year and as a counsellor in
shauna is proficient in authorware
shauna is the vp of engineering and quality assurance at imagebuilder software
shauna is the face of the student's union and shauna's job ivolves representing the views of the students to external bodies as well as within the university
shauna is an "eteam" intern and fresh from a field course focused on bc ecology
shauna is currently filming the new television series air america
shauna is very involved in the community and serves as the spokesperson for kutv's community service segment 'wednesday's child" for the adoption exchange
shauna is from a rural background and has participated in an overseas agricultural exchange student program to canada
shauna is humble about her role
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OK Poetry time!
2003-02-25 15:47:21
When you cut me up
And dried my tears
When you shook me apart
And licked my wounds
Was it not your choice?
When you tied my tongue
And spoke for me
When you shattered my thoughts
And twisted them
Was it not your design?
Falling so deep
Into my despair
Drowning slowly
Honey in my lungs
Can't breathe
It's so sweet
When you burned my heart
And scarred my thoughts
When you sliced my skin
And let me bleed
Was it not in your control?
I'm so damn ugly
As they like to say
I'm so damn weak
They tore me apart
Shards melting
Into the unspent tears
Of what I was
And what I'll never be again. -
Money Rant
2003-02-24 16:12:48
All right, time for me to stop being sentimental for awhile...for people who like my rantings...they're back!
Ok, this is something I have been thinking about and has been bothering me for awhile so I'm going to write it down (for your horror or amusement, whichever comes first).
Let's get on with it then!
*
Money isn't the problem, rather, it is the concept of money that corrupts. It is a learned disease like every other kind of behavorial problem. If we got rid of all forms of money, something else would replace it. It is the nature of humans to want to soothe their problems or lackings with the wrong thing. People who have this disease start out as "normal" people. When you are a child, you only want money for the candy or the flashy toy. Money isn't associated with anything other than the means to get what you want. However, as you grow older, you start learning the stigmas and associated positives with money. Wealth indirectly touches on security, happiness, and long life. Everyone has the basic instincts to survive, but these survival instincts can grow like a cancer into an obsession with hoarding money for money's sake. Often this happens when you start out to make a "living" and save for retirement. When you get enough money to retire, the disease starts it's work. Paranoia is greed's closest friend. No one wants to lose everything by spending foolishly. But sometimes there is overkill, such as spending minimal amounts for food and utilities and cutting corners in all other areas of living so that there will be less need to spend money. These people get preoccupied with having their money taken away, but the money isn't exactly what they fear that they will lose. With money, they fear losing loved ones, and the security and lifestyle that they enjoy.
Also, people wonder why insanely rich people keep on trying to get more money when they make more a year than many do in a lifetime. This is because they have an itching desire to become MORE than they are now. A lot of these people with immense wealth aren't very happy people. So in their quest to find sustinance, they erroneously strive to gain more wealth in hope that the good things in life will follow. But this is not true.
Now let's be honest, we need money to survive in this world. I'm not saying saving is a bad thing, but the good things in life include spending on things that you like as well...or at least that is how we are conditioned to believe. But at the same time, notice that you aren't making your best friends by giving them pay-offs, you're just swaying them to do what you say. You can control a person's actions with the almighty dollar, but not their heart and core emotions. You can pay for some damn good actors, though, if you don't mind all the fake smiles and forced laughter.
It's your decision.
I'll take being a poor and much loved college girl rather than being a rich meglomaniac anyday.
What about you?
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