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Letting Go Of Myself
2002-05-13 23:50:20
I've been realy letting go og myself during the last couple weeks of school. I haven't really been trying to comb my hair, so it's been pretty much poofy and such. I haven't shaved in like a week, and people have been called me pretty funny names. It's amusing really. I even prompted a guy to draw a fake mustache on me in black marker, until the teacher yelled out at someone else. I feel really natural with myself. It's like there's no boundaries anymore, and I feel free to do whatever I wish now. It's almost the greatest feeling in the world.
I have my AP Physics exam tomorrow, so I can't really wait to see the words "End Of Examination" tomorrow at 5 o'clock. I have to present for my English class on Thursday, and I just finished the entire script for our group less than five minutes ago. I have a throbbing headache right now. I guess I'll be going to sleep soon, since I don't really have anything else to do. I've gotten pretty far in Final Fantasy IX and really want to make a music video or it. I read the post in the forums about how many people don't like video game music videos, but I can't really understand why. I enjoy making them, and that's all that matters to me.
I don't really care what other people think of me anymore. It's what keeps people back from what they really want to do. Of course, this is actually one of the traits for a person, who is likely to commit suicide. I don't really know what I feel like deep down inside anymore. I'm just going through my mid-life crisis. I just don't know how to put my feelings in words anymore. It's really hard to explain through this damn writing. I need to talk to a persona face to face, or at least on the phone. It gives me some personality at least. I just want to fly free across the sky, where I can see the entire world. I don't have any fears, but I'm guessing that I'm starting to experience one fear. I'm fearing that I'll die before I ever get married or find the one person in the world that's truly made for me. That's my greatest fear. I'm a romantic at heart, but most people in my life don't know that. I wish I could break the barrier to tell people the entire truth.
Sephiroth -
Without Me by Eminem
2002-05-12 20:48:05
[Obie Trice]
"Obie Trice, Real Name No Gimmicks..."
[Beat Changes]
[Eminem]
Two trailer park girls go round the outside,
round the outside, round the outside.
Two trailer park girls go round the outside,
round the outside, round the outside.
[Female Voice]
"Ooooohhhhh!"
[Eminem]
Guess who's back, back again
Shady's back, tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back,
guess who's back, guess who's back,
guess who's back, guess who's back,
guess who's back...
Verse 1:
I've created a monster, cuz nobody wants to
See Marshall no more they want Shady
I'm chopped liver
Well if you want Shady, then this is what I'll give ya
A little bit of me mixed with some hard liquor
Some vodka that will jumpstart my heart quicker
Then a shock when I get shocked at the hospital
By the Dr. when I'm not cooperating
When I'm rocking the table while he's operating "Hey"
You waited this long to stop debating
Cuz I'm back, I'm on the rag and ovulating
I know you got a job Ms. Cheney
But your husbands heart problem is complicated
So the FCC won't let me be
Or let me be me so let me see
They tried to shut me down on MTV
But it feels so empty without me
So come on dip, bum on your lips
jump back, jiggle her hip and wiggle a bit
And get ready cuz this is about to get heavy
I just settled all my lawsuits, "_uck you Debbie!"
Chorus:
Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody just follow me
Cuz we need a little controversy,
Cuz it feels so empty without me
I said this looks like a job for me
So everybody just follow me
Cuz we need a little controversy,
Cuz it feels so empty without me
Verse 2:
Little hellions, kids feeling rebellious
Embarrassed, their parents still listen to Elvis
They start feeling like prison is helpless,
Til someone comes along on a mission and yells "b*tch"
A visionary, vision is scary, could start a revolution,
Pollutin' the air waves a rebel
So let me just revel and bask,
In the fact that I got everyone kissing my ass
And it's a disaster such a catastrophe
For you to see so damn much of my ass you ask for me?
Well I'm back (*Batman Noise*) fix your bent antenna
Tune it in and then I'm gonna enter
Into the front of your skin like a splinter
The center of attention back for the winter
I'm interesting, the best thing since wrestling
Infesting in your kids ears and nesting
Testing "Attention Please"
Feel the tension soon as someone mentions me
Here's my 10 cents my 2 cents is free
A nuisance, who sent, you sent for me?
(Chorus 2x)
Verse 3:
A tisk-it a task-it,
I go tit for tat with anybody who's talking this & that sh_t
Chris Kirkpatrick, you can get your ass kicked
Worse than them little Limp Bizkit bastards,
And Moby, you can get stomped by Obie,
You 36 year old bald headed scared ____ me
You don't know me, you're too old
Let go, it's over, nobody listens to techno
Now lets go, just give me the signal
I will be there with a whole list full of new insults
I've been dope, suspenseful with a pencil
Ever since Prince turned himself into a symbol
But sometimes man it just seems,
Everybody only wants to discuss me
So this means I'm disgusting,
But its just me I'm just obscene
Though I'm not the first king of controversy
I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley,
To do Black Music so selfishly
And use it to get myself wealthy (Hey)
There's a concept that works
20 million other white rappers emerge
But no matter how many fish in the sea
It'll be so empty without me
(Chorus 2x)
Hum dei la la la, la la la la la, la la la la la, la la la la
Hum dei la la la, la la la la la, la la la la la, la la la la
"Kids!" -
I'm so tired...
2002-05-11 14:19:12
I have so much work to do this weekend. I have to finish this script for English class and make my costume and props for the skit. I also have to study for my AP Physics exam on Tuesday. The best thing that I can do is probably go over the rest of Barron's Guide as fast as possible and get to the things that I haven't learned yet, like Heat and Temperature and Nuclear and Atomic Physics. I also have to study a lot of fluids, since it's the first time that it's ever been covered on the AP exam. I have to write three history papers still, so I don't know how I'm going to do all of that either.
I haven't really been studying for the past couple of days. I've just been so depressed. All I've done is pretty much play Final Fantasy IX or just go to sleep. I saw a movie yesterday. It's called Na Tum Jaano Na Hum; you can probably tell that it's foreign. It's a love story, mostly because I'm a romantic. I don't really care about anything else, but the people in school don't know that I'm like this. I just can't describe my feelings anymore. I feel like I'm just dead, waiting for someone to wake me up. I...I want to go home...
Sephiroth -
The Evolution of Human Thought
2002-05-06 01:47:38
Humans have thought themselves to be the most complex beings in the world for the past thousands of years. Humans, having some of the most complex systems, can also just be considered to be as basic as the atom, the smallest unit of all matter in the universe. Human beings jump from one thought to the next in a series of random chaotic explosions. Atoms in a similar way explode and discharge charges. Scientific theory and research shows that a the small explosions in the atom may result in the eventual end of all matter in the universe. It suggests that if the basic unit of everything is unstable, then why do humans consider themselves stable? Humans may reside on one thought in one-billionth of a second then another thought for the next. It's entirely unpredictable to see what a human will think or do. If a human is able to harness the power to be able to stay on one thought for more than a second, then it may be that he will dominate all of the others around him. Domination will only come through, if a human is able to do it. It's as if one atom out of the billions of billions out there would never explode. It would then have an advantage over all of the others, where they would have to follow it's lead. Human thought must advance at one time for everyone, or else it may lead the entire race and the world into terror.
Sephiroth -
Stressed and Depressed
2002-05-04 19:19:44
I haven't really been checking anything online in the past couple of days, mostly because I haven't had any access to the internet. My brother has pretty much completely taken over the computer room. I've had so much work to do in the next couple of weeks. I'll try to explain paragraph by paragraph, so that it'll be easy for people to read. Of course, this stupid Journal entry is going against what I think about Journals. I'll have to post about it in the General forum after I'm done.
First of all, my group for English has officially been assigned our presentation. We have to present on our book as a talk show, like Oprah, 60 Minutes, 20/20, Dateline, The Tonight Show, etc. I instantly assumed leadership of the group, since everyone else doesn't exactly use their mind. The two idiots, in my opinion that is, want to have an entire scene of the presentation be a joust. I agreed to it, even though I don't really want to do it. My plan is entirely original. Since there's four different parts to the book, we're going to have four different shows. We're planning on 60 Minutes, Oprah, 20/20, and Jerry Springer. I'm going to be playing Merlyn, who will be the host of all of the shows. Our teacher was worried that the audience might get confused as to the transition of show to show, but I figured it out that we could use a television remote to get the point across. I have the hardest part of all in the entire thing. I have to plan everything, even the scripts. I'm also going to have the most lines, since I will be the moderator in each show. The entire presentation is due on the 15th of this month.
Here's some more stress on me; my AP Physics exam is on the day before the presentation. I've been taking a couple of diagnostic tests which include multiple choice and free response. I've figured out the areas that I really need to work on. They're most likely to be fluids, heat and thermodynamics, nuclear and atomic physics, springs and waves, and planetary motion. The ares that I've pretty much know a lot about are vertors, motion, forces, energy, electricity, and magnetism. I bought one of Barron's guide for the AP Physics B exam. I'm only through Chapter 6, but I think it's really going to help with the subjects that I have trouble on. I also should start going thorugh our textbook, chapter by chapter along with the guide to do some extra problems. This is a cumulative test, so it tests about everything that we've learned about in the entire year, plus some things that we've never learned about. I want to finish Barron's guide by about Wednesday, so that I can do some more studying and ask questions from my teacher. I really need help.
Now for the other stressful stuff. I have a Spanish project due on the 8th, which is Wednesday. Hopefully, I'll be able to get that over with by either tonight or tomorrow. My job is to find souveniers fro two different cities in Spain, Barcelona and Madrid. At least I think it's Madrid, but I'm sure about Barcelona. I need at least a A, to keep my current grade in it. It's one of the classes that I want to exempt, along with English. Also, I got three history papers to do. Of course, my teacher is really nice, because he lets us turn in our papers whenever we want, even our Senior year. I want to get them over with right now, so I don't forget about them over the summer. I'm just going to take it slow with them, since I don't want to have to redo them like 3 times each.
I'm also looking for a job. I've gotten applications from Borders, Waldenbooks, B. Daulton, Bed Bath & Beyond, Hallmark, and Sun Coast. Of course, I'm so lazy that I haven't filled any of them out yet. I'm going to try to fill them out tonight. I'm putting down my teachers as my references. I don't know many people for a year or so. I hope I get a job. I want to work at a bookstore, because they allow you to do your homework while working. I guess that pretty much updates my life. Now for some other things that I've been meaning to talk about.
I've been feeling fairly depressed for a while. I haven't been able to talk to my best friends in the world for the past several days. I really need their help to keep my mind sane. I especially need my love. I don't know what I would do without her. I'm afraid to think about it sometimes. I just don't know what I would do.
Sephiroth
JOURNAL: SephirothJenova (Marquise Strife)
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