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Dam..I mean Dang straight im back!!
2005-07-11 03:16:44
1:36 a.m and theres something i gotta say..i know most if not all couldn't care less but....
I AM BACK!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok now first off I'd like to congradulate someone from AMV. I was reading through the New journal enrties and i found a specific journal entry that caught my attention.
MadBunny's journal entry on Terrorisim. It was interesting to read because of it's in-depth thought. I know a LOT of people who if given the topic would do this..
*gives a stoned look and types VERY slowly* T...e..r...r.. *deletes* Te...r..r..or..i..s...*deletes, changes back to normal look* And they don't even do drugs and they would still do that...
so Congratz MadBunny for proving that not everyone in this world thinks so shallow!!
( thats not a pun to anyone on this site..i dn't really know anyones writing skills, im more or less talkign bout the people around me..like out of digital reality..)
Ok anyways..heres whats new....When i left i didn't know how long i'd be gone, or what i'd base it on..and it turned out i made a goal.. i would online use my e-mail until my room was cleaned. I could only send out like an e-mail that explained things to everybody..not personal e-mails. I couldn't post or reply to anything, i couldn't write here, and i couldn't talk on yahoo messenger.
Now if you could imagine a room where the carpet is clothes, and i have more papers and books and stuffed animals and colored pencils thrown everywhere..timez ot by atleast 1.5 and u'd get my room.
I took this " endurance trip" to prove i could accomplish soemthing..and i ended up doing 3 things i am so proud of...
1. I cleaned my room...thrown out or put in a yard sale bag old stuff, and organized and put the rest in boxes for easy moving when we can paint my walls. ( When i first saw my carpet it took me a few minutes to realize what it was i was like AHHHHH WHAT THE F**** IS THAT!!!!! Dn't worry.. i was okay after a few minutes :P) We r painting my walls cuz right now they r just dry wall so cant wash them..and i've moved things in my room so much and nailed things to the wall that u could imagine the trashyness of them. We r getting specific paint so that i can draw on and wash off my walls whenever i want to...OH YEAH its gonna be a riot!!!! I'm gonna come up w/ some pretty wicked awsome drawings on my walls, and gonna have one wall devoted to my friends, where they can draw and write on it.
2. I walked 6 miles...3 miles to destination..3 miles back...and the breeze felt good, but only blowed at certain times..it was hot..specially when u start at 11:00 am...I walked w/ my brother cuz we just wanted something to do and decided we try it...it was one f'n hilarious experiance. Half the houses we saw i didn't know who they were..and we live on the same road as them...wow...
We talked about everything from Snipers, to Big Foot, to Babies of the Corn..( we passed a corn field and it freaked my Bro out..he's like " Children of the Corn" and i looked at the corn and it would be like up to my knees and im like 5 feet 3-4 inches. Im like" Adam..that's like Babies of the Corn" and he's like " Yeah they come out w/ knives and stuff like all doin their baby giggles going *baby giggle* hehe come join us..") to Old Ladies being Drug Lords, to not even knowing the people on the road.
It was so Funny...man u have just gotta do that sometime.. pick someone who u haven't spent time with in a while..and just walk, pick a destination and walk..bringing up whatever comes to ur mind..U'll have a heck of a good time most likely. And trust me, u will realize how much easier the trip is, then going by urself.....
When i got home my legs felt like they were on fire..but later that night i just got back to work on my room...and stayed up til 4:30 am cleaning it.. man was i sore....but oh well..it pays off.
Finally 3
While cleaning my room, i saw and went through a lot of things that brought up my past, stuffed animals, drawings, books, stories i've written, school papers...a LOT of things...some that mean so much. I found things that hurt, that made me laugh, that made me cry....that made me smile just thinking about them..and in the end...I got rid of a lot of stuff... I went through it all and found the things that need to stay in the past...and trashed them...things that need to be brought to the present, and kept them... and things that mean so much, i could not even bare to think about letting them go..and kept them close. I found things that i forgot i had, but i knew i had to let go....and things that pissed me off for even keeping them around.
Many things in my life although hurt, still remain w/ me...because i know, one day i can look back and say to whatever is in my way...
" Screw u, u got something to say then bring it...I have faced my past...and i will not let it screw over my future...so step off and let me live this pathetic thing that i have never called a life...you may think that i smile for u, but i only smile thinking about one day u will pay for ur slacking off, and i can make it through because i realized the trash i let fall upon this world, and spent every back breaking day cleaning it up till i was given the encouragement to finish it up, and keep my little tiny fraction of this entire retarded place clean. I'm sick of ur trash, u wanna screw things up, litter on ur own pathetic square of life, cuz the more u trash other people, the more trash the winds gonna blow into ur yard."
I dunno who's gonna read all that but if u do...in a way sorry u waisted ur time..but at the same time *smiles* Thanx..im glad at least someone is reading this..even if its by mistake.. So..umm sorry if i bored u to death. I'll try writing something w/ a bit of a i dunno...more welcoming touch sense this " I'm Back!" wasn't that good....well i guess..this is laterz!! if i read anything else..then i'll put it in my journal.
Congratz MadBunny..thanx for giving me something to read that actually in-depth. Kewz..( no offense to anyone...I still have peoples journals to go through..please dn't think im saying any of u r not in-depth...im just saying if u knew the people in this starnge part of the world..its awsome)
Laterz everyone!
- The Newly Returned Shadowbird Crow
" If ur still reading this i feel sorry for u cuz i might be waisting ur time.. I am pre-apologizing for any time waisted reading this.... But Thanx for taking the time. Missed this place.. Laterz!!!!!!! "
( 2:13 a.m) -
My Final Journal
2005-07-06 22:28:08
Well you guys its come down to this...
I am sick of computers and sick of a lot of people on them..my computer can bairly work...so i've decided to take a break from them..i don't know for how long..i may leave a message here and there but otherwise..i don't know when i'll be completely back...
So thnx to those who actually talked...and were nice. Later
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Final Day For Now....
* Crow picks up her back pack and loosely hangs it over her shoulder, standing under the shade of the tree as rain falls once more*
Crow: It always seems to rain...
Dracon: Yeah..
* Dracon appears behind her, carrying her empty back shealthe in her hand, her sword shealthed at her side. Crow gives a sigh and looks at the tree*
Crow: Im gonna miss this place....
Dracon: it's just..another place to come back to....we'll see it again...
Crow: yeah...I know..lets go..
Dracon: lets...
* Dracon walks past Crow into the rain and Crow follows only to stop and take one more glance back*
Crow: Till we meet again... -
Another Out of It
2005-07-05 01:00:55
Errrr....this is another step out...
just writing what ever comes to mind...
Im sick of human beings...we r the most retarded animals on this whole damn planet..we may have more power but its onyl killing us all.. look at us? We r fuckin ripping eachother to shreds... its making me sick... Please can someone just give me some peace of mind and say im not as insane as i think i am...please tell me is there anyone out there who gives a shit and knows that THIS WHOLE ENTIRE PLANET HAS BECOME A LIVING HELL!!!
Why were things so nice and peaceful when i was younger..oh wait that was kindergartin..but even Elementary though i suffered the world was half way decient.... *sigh* please..someone just tell me..but how will i know if u do....
Damn i hate Human beings... -
Day 4...
2005-07-05 00:53:13
Day 4
Title: Sad and Stupid...
* rain pours down upon an old broken tree, dripping of its lonely branches. A lone figure sits below it, drenched inside out*
Crow: how..badly..i've messed up...
* tears streamed down her face*
I've hurt everything..i've held in my heart..why..did i trust myself..why did i let myself interfere.. please...help..me..
* A distance away Dracon watches a sad look across her face, she looks at herself in the water below, then speaks to herself*
Dracon: Crow..i..did this to u..not..urself...please..dn't cry....
* but her words drop dead to the ground like the rain, never to reach the broken Crow*
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Notes: Damn i screwed up....*sigh* these r the days i wish i could just curl up and disappear...or redo...i dn't know..maybe im just sad and stupid.. -
Day 3 (Cont.)
2005-06-27 18:43:51
Day 3 (Cont)
Title: You Got To Be Kidding Me...
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* Keepign her glare Crow looks deeply into Dracons eyes*
Crow: Dracon..YOU started folowing ME...
Dracon: I only followed u because u said u could help me..
Crow: I Can help u...if u give me a..
Dracon: You have got to be kidding me Crow! Do u really think i'm going to believe all this shit...
* Her fists tighten as she lets out a low growl, showing only partial fangs. Crow's glare deepens*
Dracon: You want to help me huh...hehehe...really...
* Her eyes slit and she gives a loud growl this time showing all of her fangs*
Crow: Dn't even think about it Dracon...
DRacon: think about what..THIS!!!
* She dives at Crow slamming her into the ground, and sinking her fangs into her shoulder, then ripping away*
Dracon: Fine...maybe they only reason why i followed u, was to kill u after all!!
Crow: ehhh....Dracon..stop..u know..this..isn't..u....let..go...
Dracon: How would u know me...I LIVE TO SLAUGHTER!!!
* Crow brings up a hand and digs her talon like nails into Dracons face*
Crow: Ay D...BACK..OFF!!! * Rips down , making Dracon scream slightly and roll off into the water. Crow gets up and then looks down at Dracon who was slowly getting up*
Crow: D...I'm..I didn't...
* clutching the bleeding wound Dracon gets to her feet, blood water and stray hairs stuck to her face*
Dracon:..I..no..I...
* She gives an almost saddening look to crow then returns to her normal, slight glare*
Dracon: Forget it...its no big deal...
* And with that she walks off, a trail of blood and water following her every step. And her wound fully healed.*
Crow: D..*to herself* wait....
* Crow's gaze follows her, btu she does not move, blood seeps from her shoulder, runnign down her shirt and then landing on the ground around her feet.*
Crow: *to herself* ..I'm...sorry...
JOURNAL: ShadowbirdCrow (Crow Shadowbird)
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