JOURNAL: Hakura (Nicole Barrs)

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  • Beautiful 2002-03-17 22:39:15 Nice speach Machine ^^ I really liked it ^^

    The whole "Eden" thing reminded me of the exacct opposide concept I was using in my video ^^ Totally reversing the "general" concept as Eden being "good"

    ^^ I liked it a lot ^^

    Sorry I haven't been on line lately..but my friends dad finaly passed away...so I was comforting her. However all is well now!

    *hugs everyone* 
  • *LOL* 2002-03-16 22:06:16 If you want a good laugh check this out!!

    http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/sakkaku/AMVDIGEST.html

    It's FUNNY and it makes *tasteful* fun of us AMV creators!! Laugh your ass off I sure did ^^;

    BTW the last on the page referes to myself and EK (BBT) ^^; I thought it was funny and cute ^^ 
  • Video Swtich. 2002-03-11 16:22:14 Okies people. The votes are in and I have changed the vidoes hosted on ym site.

    I'm hosting, my X - Chilldren of fate and Trigun - Eden **Remastered** Download as you wish ^^ 
  • Wow.... 2002-03-11 09:31:26 I never realized how many people read my journal....I was suprised to recieve E-mails and comments from other about it...

    I decide to show my Philoshphical side and look what happeneds... ^^

    Thanks for your support everyone....It means a lot to me.

    I guess it's safe to tell you all the reason I've been so down lately..

    It's because my best friends dad is really sick with cancer. He's not suposed to last the rest of the week...

    I'm there for my friends when ever they need it...and it's hard to cope someone through this type of life expirence.

    So I guess I was looking back on my life and how stupid I used to be.

    I was never emotional and I hid everything from everyone, letting it all build up inside. Making videos was the only way I could truly express myself, and it still is.

    I'm hoping that because I'm a strong person I can fight her emotional battle and help her win.

    Thanks everyone for your support....*hugs you all* 
  • I am not having a good day 2002-03-10 18:01:36 Please don't anyone be offended by what I'm writing here, I was feeling a little bit depressed and I needed to find a way to get it out. No I am not a freak, I just needed to try to relax....
    *****************************
    Why do we all keep secrets from eachother? Is it because we have a scar somewhere deep inside us that we don't want to share with anyone? Is it for our own guilt, possibly not wanting others to suffer like you have?

    To have something so precious taken away from you, when it is beyond your control...manipulated...used...then betrayed.
    Is everything we do in life worthless? Sometimes we get so proud and it gets shot down by someone else, they usually don't know it hurts you, but deep inside it does. And being the type of person that you are, you hide it all and say things that will make the other person happy...even if it is what you are not truly feeling....

    Is this considered wrong? Who decides what is right and wrong? Good or bad....it's all a sence of morality...a defination of what is set out to be...isn't that like believing in fate? Your life has endless courses to lead, every second an alternate you is created, leading the other side of the path from what you choose.

    Why is it we are afraid of suffering? In the end doesn't it bring you closer together, with a deeper understanding of yourself? Often in the most tragic of times does ones true self appear. The self that was hidden in the shaddow waiting for that one single ray of light to reach them, leading them from the confinments of the dark world.

    I know this...all to well...hiding everything from everyone. Being strong for others, even when I never had to. Sure my old attitude cost me friends in the past....but I felt better alone...no one to hurt...no one to hate...no one to miss....

    It was a sad world...yet enjoyable, perhaps even selfish. However, I have come to realise that I can be just as alone when I am with people. It's impossible to truly know a person. Sometimes you just flood with emotion and you want to let it all out...you want a shoulder to cry on...but nothing is there...

    You reach out a hand to the darkness hoping to find someone to grab on to you...to hold you...to love you...to understand you.... but that hand never comes, and you sink back into your world. Where you can be as you like...alone...suffering.

    I lay staring at my celing....forming pictures in my mind out of the oddly shapped stucco. I let my imignation soar as I listen to my soft relaxing music, letting it control me as I slip into my daze...that wonderfull daze....is it really so? I 'm not sure.
    Thoughs of things I wish were real, wish never happened, suddenly I notice that I am crying...for what reason? I'm not sure. It just happends sometimes...I guess it's my way of releasing all of the tension in my life out. No one really believes me, but I think I have a mind superior to others, either that or I am really scrwed up. Why is the fantasy world so much better then my own? That's simple, becuase life is not in just one persons hand..where they can decide how the outcome will be in the end.

    You are formed by interaction.

    What is the real world?

    This is your real world.

    The mind is like a parachute, it only works when it's open....

    Life is a constant lesson, turning new pages everyday.

    You are formed by interaction.

    Sometimes I feel as if I think a little too hard, worry a bit to much....but I'm not the type of person that wants to believe life will always be happy...because it's not...it's impossable...

    I think what I am really searching for is love. Perhaps I forece myself to be emotionaly alone all my life. But what I really wanted was for someone to care as deeply for me as I did for them. I want someone that will be by my side when I'm sick, someone I can enjoy simple things with. Like sitting together, just talking, or just cuddling enjoying the pure confort of eachother.

    As I listen to Moonlight Sonata, my mind wonders, thinking of everything in life....I'm scared of dying...I don't want to leave this world....I love who I am...and I never want it to end. Life is so short, you make the best of it...then it's gone..... what happends after that? Do you move on to another life? Or is your exsistance simply erased from this world. I don't want to forget who I am...I don't want to be anyone else...I want to live in this world and enjoy everything I can.

    We do the same thing every day....we are all lemmings following the same path...but every so often someone is different from the norm and they stand out amongst the crowd. I feel this way, I don't want to be noticed and though of as a freak because of the things I like, or because of what I do. Why are people so afriad of things that are not what is considered "uniform" isn't individually what we all try to achieve? Yet subconciosly we are afraid of it.....

    I leave you with this...becase I grow tired of writing...please don't be offened by this. I just simply needed to write... 
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