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2 Storys
2002-09-02 02:01:59
Here are 2 story taht I have written for forums that I found amusing on their own If you did not get a chance to read them then take the opertunity now and read away. Enjoy.
If you feel the need to give me feed back for some odd retarted reson my e-mail is Twoinchesthick@msn.com.
Sleep
I heard a mistical tail of a legend called sleep once. So gather ye round children and listen good and well.
Once apon a time long long ago in a castle far far away in a land with no night! Lived a evil king who hated every one except his magic blanket called Steve. Every one was forced to pretend to love the evil king even though he only loved Steve. His queen who was a picture of Britnay Spears getting it with a dead toad was locked away in a tall tower of the castle for the good of the kingdom. Cuz damn man necrobeastyfilia is wrong on more than 7 levels by my count!
One day a travelling wizard came by the and saw the plight of the town. He stopped in at the town's only Tavern The Rusty Temjin where he then proceeded to does off in chair in the back corner. The people of the town seeing the spectical proceeded to feel drowzy them selves. And before you could say the last 2 paragraphs i wrote backwards in Galic the whole town was asleep. Except of course the evil king steve who witnessing that his control over the was gone when they were in thi state of hibernation.
The evil king send out his most trusted gaurds to go kill the wizard. But when they arrived at the Rusty Temjim they themselves fell asleep too. By now every one was asleep even Temjin's Dog! The evil king had no one left to turn to But the queen so he ran up to the tallest tower to ask for her advice but by the time he got to the top he realised he had over done himself so he too dozed off into the land of where evn temjin thinks he can get laid.
The wizard awoke to see that the whole town was now in a deep slumber. The wizard being a firm beliver of the 5 finger discount discounted himself to all the towns riches. Then as he made his way up to the tallest tower he saw a mistical blanket lieing in middle of a room with a screwed up picture of nasty stutff and Th evil king curled up in it. The town's people now starting to wake themselves ran after the wizard who had stolen every thing.
The quick thinking wizard slid down the castle walls on the blanket leaveing about 30% of the towns riches with the king. The people arriving at the top of the tower seeing all their stuff with the king asleep on it they brutally murdered him and got their stuff back they also burned the nasty picture.
May years later the Wizard returned to see that the town was now run down and was a communist hell hole! But the wizard who need more swag decided to give people an excuse to sleep so he craeted night, a time when it was dark and easy to pilfer. So for the next 1000 years the wizard and his decendands lived long happy lives skimming a fair % of the top of the commun's profits and the people didn't care beacuse they thought do the the equal share part of communism that their leader were getting the extra money and giving it to other towns. And the leader thought that the worker were just lazy good for nothing slobs who could no turn a profit if bill gates ran through the town on cristmas day shouting micro soft slogans and throwing money in the air. Witch he did on sevral occations.
The moral of this story is: SLEEP IS FOR COMMYS DON'T LET YOUR GUARD DOWN OR YOUR BE PILFERED BY RUTHLESS INDUSTRILAIST WIZARDS!
Captain Canuck
CAPTAIN CANUCK): Quick maple Boy some one is ringing the Canuck bell!
(MAPLE BOY): We must get to the Canuck-moblie is instant it must be the Prime Minister!
(CC): Yes indeed Maple boy!
AT 24 Sussex Drive
(EVIL MEXICAN NUT WHO HAS NO RELATION TO THE GOOD PEOPLE OF MEXICO OTHER THAN THE LOCATION OF HIS BIRTH, A TACO HUT): I have you now Prime Minister! Your Feeble Captain Canuck is on his way but he will not get past my CHALUPA! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAH!
(PRIME MINISTER): You'll never get away with this!
(EMNWHNRTGPOMOTTLOHBATH): Thats what they all say! I mean really when have you every seen a hostage not say that!
(PM): I see your point.
Back at the Canuck Cavern
(MB): Gun it cap'n!
(CC): HABES AWAY!
A few moments later CC and MB arrive at 24 sussex drive and see the CHALUPA
(CHALUPA): Gurgle!
(MB): Great Plaines of Saskachewan Cap'n its a missive gooy taco!
(CC): Relax maple I have this covered with my syrup-zooka!
(MB): Good thinking cap'n!
(C): Belch!
(CC): Eat Shugary death you over glorifed taco!
CC Gives him a blast of pure maple syrup!
(C): I am melting in tasty maple action!
Inside
(EMNWHNRTGPOMOTTLOHBATH): Blast! I thought they could never beat its not quite hard and not quite softness.
(PM): Hah give up now its over for you!
(EMNWHNRTGPOMOTTLOHBATH): You think so huh!
Just then CC and MB barge in!
(EMNWHNRTGPOMOTTLOHBATH): So glad you could join us! But you have to get through my yanke troopers first!
Yanke troopers march in!
(YANKE COMMANDER): Haha we will crush you with our superior army navy and TV progamming!
(MB): I'll handle this one Cap'n!
(CC): Go for it!
(YC): A boy huh we can take him!
(MB): Have some canadian beer that aught to melo you guys out!
(YC): Hey thanks man!
The yanke troopers fall to the ground uncontius bcause canadian beer's alcohol levels are too much for any yanke to take!
(CC): Give up Mexican! We have you now!
(EMNWHNRTGPOMOTTLOHBATH): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(CC): its time to send you back where you came from. Texas!
(PM): Thank you Captain! your country thanks you!
THE END
JOURNAL: R-A-N-M-A (Ian _ _ _ _ _ _)
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