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rain is a funny thing
2002-11-05 09:19:49
Today's weather: Rain, overcast sky.
Many people hate these kinds of grey days. I used to.
Then I realized that they're the best days for introspection. There's nothing to get in your way, and the cold, clammy atmosphere lets you really think about your current state, because there's nothing else to focus on.
Today, I realized that I'm depressed.
It's a funny feeling when you finally recognize such a thing about yourself.
You realize that you're worthless, that you just aren't any good at anything. You realize just how short and pointless your existence is. Depression is the gateway to long-term vision. It's a beautiful thing,
really.
Yet, at the same time, there's that primal piece of your brain, shoved into a corner of your subconscious, that still provokes the drive to succeed, whatever the hell that is. It's almost dead, it's almost gone; but it's still there. It's a thorn in your side that you just can't remove.
I suppose, taken in that light, it's more like a hardened growth. Or a mildly malignant tumor.
I don't know what to think anymore. I've already alienated everybody I thought I knew; I've already made a total fool of myself everywhere I've been; I've already proven my worth, or lack thereof, in everything I've done.
I shouldn't care anymore. But I do.
And it hurts.
But it shouldn't.
---
Count a thousand drops of rain
Washed down the drain
Is life the same...in a way...?
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argh
2002-11-04 20:13:21
I used to laugh at people who asked for a "delete my video" feature. Now I want one. I swear, this list of mine is turning into something akin to a police record.
--
Disturbance of the peace: What the hell was I thinking when I put prolonged scenes of characters talking in "Reminiscence and Fantasy"? Talk about a breach of ordinance code.
Prostitution: Well, "Family Matters" was one big sell-out, so that works.
Substance Abuse: "Flights of Fancy". Totally took Wings of Honneamise and, well, abused the source material, or source substance, if you really want to stretch definitions.
--
All I really need to round out this list, I suppose, is murder, and that might be pretty easy if I do an Evangelion or Magic Knight Rayearth video. At least there's no AMV analogue to the death penalty for committing such heinous crimes. -
To Bowler
2002-11-01 00:20:50
HuffYUV actually compresses fairly well. If you want to see what uncompressed video can really do, try ripping your DVDs to YUV2, probably better known to you as "Component Video". I can't remember what my figures ended up being, but it was obscene -- on the order of 15+ GB for around six minutes of video.
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sleep / 'til tomorrow...
2002-10-30 01:02:45
Somebody give me the number for the Goddess Relief Service.
I could use -- nay, I <i>need</i> -- Skuld's help on my next Logic Design exam. There's just so much that was covered, and I swear that I only understand half of it. I just hope that my professor decides to do a quick review of the covered topics BEFORE this test, otherwise I'm dead.
It's funny. I go to a school that touts itself as "the #1 undergraduate engineering, science, and mathematics college in the U.S.". I never expected it to be an easy ride, but I did expect that if I studied hard and asked for help when I needed it, I'd do great.
It's now eight weeks into the first quarter, and I can't believe at just how incredibly <i>fucking stupid</i> I am. I am frequently the only one up at 4 A.M., trying to figure out just why a linear-feedback-shift-register does what it does or decoding a grammatical structure in Japanese.
Everybody else is always asleep before me. It's like they're just so <b>goddamned intelligent</b>, and they can get everything done in the timespan it takes me to scratch my head twice and go "duh?"
Sometimes I wonder how I even got into this school. I swear that the Admissions Office must have mistaken me for someone with the ability to <b>think</b>.
It's really depressing. I can't do anything right. Everybody around me is always saying "man, I'm so close to a A!" or "man, I'm so close to a 4.0!"
I want to strangle those bastards and shove a shotgun up their mouths. Maybe if I blow their brains out and eat them I'll gain their knowledge and logical reasoning ability. I'm pretty sure that it works in at least one anime.
*sigh*
i want someone,
almost anyone,
be my hero... -
in other news
2002-10-26 02:26:19
If you're familiar with MC Hawking's rapping and like it, Eva Masters may appeal to you:
http://www.animemusicvideos.org/legacy/video.php?v=11567
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JOURNAL: trythil (💩 💩)
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