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More than a few days.
2003-05-24 21:26:39
...Jesus. I am not meant to communicate with other people. ...Maybe I should go back. A /lot/ has happened since last I wrote, so here it all goes.
I found out a few days ago that the girl I secretly like was deciding to break up with her asshole boyfriend. (Score!) And now that she hates him, everyone is telling me to make my move. But unfortunately, I have no self esteem, and no confidence, so I can't make myself do it.
Every one has been giving me shit about it for a while, but I decided to ignore my feelings, and just let her me. No need to complicate either of our lives any more. After all, we're graduating in less than a week, and we might not see each other ever again, right?
Wrong. I've found out that Katie likes me back.
Not only that, she's told people she /wants/ me to ask her out, and she has said she'll say yes. She's even told /me/ that.
But I stilll I can't make myself do it. I don't know why, though. Am I afraid of hurting her? Of getting hurt? Of not being good enough for her? If I did ask her out, where would it go? To a relationship? Would I be able to make her happy?
I don't cae about that anymore...I love her. I need to be with her.
I was going to ask her to do something this weekend, but she's off to Seattle... >_<;;; Her birthday is the 30th so maybe I can do something to captivate her then...
...God dammit.
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Current Song - The Pimps - Rocket Science
Current Quote - I can stand on my own... I just can't go anywhere. -
...Fark again.
2003-05-01 18:13:21
...Dammit x2. Why do I have to be so messed up? Seriously, people flee from me in terror. All I want to to feel like I'm somewhere I'm supposed to be. That can't be too much to ask. ...Can it?
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Current Song - Matchbox 20 - Push
Current Quote - I'm not one to learn to be the same... -
...Fark.
2003-04-28 00:55:39
Dammit. What more can go wrong? I left my math book at school. I just found out that the girl I secretly like has a boyfriend. I just scared the other girl I not-quite-as-secretly like to death because I'm /really/ weird. ...I realized I cannot write anymore songs. ...Son of a syphlitic camel.
- Azmodeus/Yuu
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Current Song - Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong
Current Quote - To say something dirty about someone... Is to destroy their image... So to be close to someone, do you have to destroy their image? -
Pretending to be something I'm not.
2003-04-27 21:24:13
I hate Sundays. I always get anxious... I'm not sure why. Maybe school makes me ill at ease... I don't know. I still have to do my homework too. Oh well. I get to leave school early tomorrow, at least. Getting my braces off! Woohoo for me! Reviewing the songs I wrote last night... "Complete Control" is /really/ good. I'm /so/ happy with the way it came out, though I'm realizing it's futile to attempt to make audio tracks for any of the songs.
Oh well. That is life.
- Azmodeus/Yuu
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Current Song - Sum 41 - Crazy Amanda Bunkface
Current Quote - Forget reality, waking up is hard to do. -
A few days
2003-04-27 02:00:09
A few days have gone by and I have very little to show for it... Actually that is completely untrue. I have written 4 new songs for DPN's new album. I'm gonna see if I can lay down some music tracks on Sunday that'll go with any of the songs. If all goes well Deisel Powered Nun's first album may be out by the end of next week!
- Azmodeus/Yuu
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Current Song - Linkin Park - My December
Current Quote - I just wish I didn't feel like there was something I missed...
JOURNAL: Azmodai Kamitari (Henry Demarest)
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