JOURNAL: BigshotSpike (Jordan Peters)

previous page next page
  • a pink coloured cloud is now drifting across the sky... 2003-01-12 16:00:45 Music: hide "Pink Cloud Assembly"
    Mood: morose



    I love everyone so much and I am sorry for the thing's I do and say.

    I am sorry for everything I am and ever have been, ever will be to you. If you find out in the future that I am not all you want to be then I told you I was nothing. I am so so sorry.


    I hate life. I hate myself. And I hate everything.







     
  • Don't tell me lies 2003-01-11 17:14:55 music: hide "Doubt 97'"
    mood: total emptiness

    Yesterday, and today, was my birthday party. It was pretty fun, especially because I had such a great turn-out for the people who I invited.

    I didn't sleep all night (it was a sleep-over). I didn't need to, even though I was tired. I just didn't care whether or not I was exausted the next day.
    I was just having such a good time, I wanted it to last as long as I could make it.
    We watched so much anime and concerts yesterday and this morning. Funny thing is, we never got tired of it. How could we?

    I got quite a few gifts (as well as some more cash). I really enjoyed the Bjork CD Dan gave me (Homogenic), and Smashing Pumpkins single David gave me (Untitled, their last single) and September's gifts. A wonderful drawing and a little hide figure (which I thought was the cutest thing I've ever gotten).

    This was one of the greatest b-days I ever had.

    But I can't help but feel empty now...because I know what's coming up for me. My parents are going to bring something up with me that I know will resolve in some sort of punishment, very severe punishment.
    It's going to crush me and make me hate life even more. I know I just have to face the storm, but I'm afraid to.

    I know my life won't be the same for a really long time.

    I can feel this great fear growing deep inside me. It makes my hands feel like ice. My heart beats faster and faster, and I can't concentrate on anything.
    I know I might be over-reacting but I can't help but feel that something terrible will come up for me within the next day.

    I wish yesterday could have just lasted forever. I don't want to go back to my life.

    I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid to change. I'm afraid of everything. I really don't feel like myself and I can't stand it.

    When I told Sep I wasn't worth it, I meant it.



     
  • Everything's happy! 2003-01-08 18:14:00 music: Jega "Pitbull"
    mood: tripped out

    I finished another page of my side project, Reason. I think it's turning out pretty good.

    OMFG! Wafflecrisp has to be best tasting cereal I've ever had. I saw it in the cupboard this morning and was like, "hmmm...haven't had this in a while". Christ, it was one of the most lovely bowls of cereal I ever had.
    Now I finally have a reason to eat breakfast.

    http://www.radiomaru.com/drop/hatch01.gif

    -Awesome little comic with Wafflecrisp in it! You rule, Mal! 
  • 2003-01-07 18:32:29




    my recap of 2002: I drew a lot, met September, made some new friends, got my brown belt, made some crappy and some good AMVs, and never got laid.



     
  • Click my heels...and I'm there! 2003-01-07 18:09:27 Music: Ben Folds Five "Underground"
    Mood: exhausted

    When, here I am, 16. My birthday was just yesterday. I tried to call September but her sister was using the phone. What the hell!? She's always on the phone with her stupid boyfriend.
    hopefully she'll break up with him soon, as she does with all her boyfriends!
    Hehe...aren't I kind?

    I got 200 dallors in cash, Blue Monday: The Kids Are Alright, another Ben Folds Five CD (Naked Baby Photos), a hide and Nine Inch Nails shirt, some black socks (been needing some), and a vacume cleaner 0.0 (yes, my parents are sick)

    September took me out on Sunday. That was pretty fun. We went to this really nice (and expensive) Japanese place called Susumu. Very entertaining, though they give you a little TOO much food. Oh well, I thought I could work some of it off since we were going to the arcade afterwards...where a lovely DDR machine awaited.

    But...to my misfortune...the only DDR machine they had was out of order! >_< Oh well, I still had fun playing all the gun-con games they had.

    I think September is kinda over-doing it for my birthday. The dinner alone must have cost her atleast $50, plus I spent a tone of her money down at the Funtasia. Not to mention she has another gift coming for me in the mail. Hehe, I even told her that I felt she was over-doing it...but she thought it was what I deserved.
    Waiii!!! I love her so much!!!

    She hoped that for one evening I could forget all my problems and disorders...and just have a good time. Well, she managed to pull through quite well ^_^
    When we were just sitting outside...gazing at the stars, I blurted out to her that I wanted to make love to her someday. She wrapped her arms around me, pulled me closer, and said she did too.
    Man, did I ever turn red. But everything just felt so perfect that evening.

    Thank you, September! You have made me truely happy and I wouldn't have traded that evening for anything in the world.

    Life is good sometimes, y'know?
     
previous page next page
Current server time: Oct 24, 2025 07:28:05