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My own heart killed me
2002-11-23 21:08:23
I knew that someday I was gonna die
And I knew before I died
Two things would happen to me
That number one: I would regret my entire life
And number two: I would want to live my life over again
Life bleeds, death is your birthright.
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Reality is just cruel, but whenever I close my eyes you're there, smiling...
2002-11-17 22:30:33
Music: DoPe HeadZ "Evening Rose"
Mood: Mellow
I updated my website with page 15 of White Wallpaper. The story is starting to get interesting, ne? I try to get about 1 page done every week. I wish I could do more, but I have other commitments I have to attend to (friends, family, music, AMVS, relationships ect. ect.) Once Winter Break comes, I'll see if I can do more.
Psyence A Go Go rules! Seriously, this is the most kick ass video I've ever done, and I'm only half-way through it! This one is definately going to Sakuracon '03.
I hate fall. I feel pretty much the same as I did last fall. And I always talk about how horrible it is, that's why. Because it was absolutely horrible. I did nothing but think of self-destruction. God, why can't Winter or Spring arrive!
I invited September over today. We had a damn good time, since no one was around ^_~. We didn't do anything too intense though. We mostly just sat around listening to music and drawing. Lets see...we also watched the first five episodes of Now and Then, Here and there, made fun of everything they showed on MTV, and did our usual "stuff". Seriously, I always seem to have the most fun with her when we're just hangin around, doing nothing.
I could just fly away. -
Let's pass our time without counting
2002-11-16 03:00:05
Music: Peter Gabriel "Signal The Noise"
Mood: Completely shameless gushing teenybopper
I was going to write about how much my head hurts, but fuck it. Today it's been kinda strange. I woke up around 3 AM and couldn't fall back asleep. I wasn't tired. It was like my body was on back-up power or something. Since I wasn't tired, I decided to listen to some of the music I haven't picked up for a while on my rack (Gorillaz, some mix tapes, Green Day, Blue Sub 6 soundtrack). Sitting back and just "listening" made me feel so alive. I love all the music I own to death. I even look back on the stuff I bought when I was younger and I still love those CDs, sometimes even more than before.
I love Yoshiki and hide. I really really do. They're the sole inspiration for everything I'm doing right now. Without them, I don't know what else I'd have. But what pisses me off is that some fans say Yoshiki isn't as cool as hide because he's still alive. What the fuck kind of statement is that? Yoshiki lost everything after X-Japan broke up. He lost his ability to play drums, he lost his friendship with his best friend Toshi, he lost hide, he lost his dreams, hopes, and nearly his entire future. To see this man back in the recording studio, creating new material, in spite of having to start over from nearly absolutely nothing, is one of the most incredible things I've ever heard. After hide died, Yoshiki could have been a coward (like so many rock musicians) and could have killed himself or hammered himself with alchohol and/or drugs. But instead he was strong and put things behind him. Now he's back with Violet UK, and I want to support him as much as I can. Godspeed Yoshiki!
"It's moronic how in so many bands there are admirable people overshadowed by a dramatically tragic figure. Okay. hide was a genius, and deserves to be revered as so. Hell, he's one of my favourite people in the world. But he was not perfect or all-powerful. Maybe once these people die, fans feel like they can control who they are. Their personalities are up for grabs, so to speak."
-so says Morganlight (author of one of my favorite stories of the moment, The Last Song)
I totally agree with her statement. This is why I also dissapprove of Kurt Kobain's journal being published. I mean, he's dead...but does that mean we can suddenly lose all respect for the musician. Musicians are people too, with feelings and emotions. I think lots of people fail to realize that.
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You don't know what it's like, being male, middle class, and white!
2002-11-13 19:00:37
Music: Dir En Grey "The Domestic Fucker Family"
Mood: FUCK!!!
You know, I'm really fucking pissed off right now. And I'm not gonna tell any of you why! So haha, go fuck yourself! Why should I explain myself? There doesn't need to be a reason, and even if there was, who fucking cares!? I'm just really pissed off right now, and God, I need to vent! >_< Is there anyone out there I can kill or beat to a bloody pulp?
Anyway, this weekend I'm finally gonna get some time so spend with Sep. Jeez! It's been like 3 fucking weeks since I've spent any time with her outside of school, and it's felt like a whole damn year. I have no idea what we're gonna do. Probably nothing, as usual. But who cares? When I'm with her, it doesn't matter what we do.
Oh, how about my videos? I don't know. I have no fucking clue when Psyence A Go Go will be finished. I'm gonna take my time with it, so it'll turn out awesome. Hosting should also be on the way pretty soon.
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All this breathing in...never breathing out...
2002-10-25 19:37:57
Music: Ben Folds Five "Fair"
Mood: pissed...as usual
Today, I got particularly pissed off in my Economics class. Thank God is was a half-day today or else I would have killed someone by the time school was out. Okay, anyway it happened right when class started (at the unreasonable time of 7:30 AM). We were all supposed to bring in some stuff to work on for a project we just started in which we were supposed to do an in depth research on a company. As it turned out, I was one of the only 3 people to have brought stuff to work on. Everyone else came up with lame excuses like "I had work..." or "I was busy with homework from other classes". Unexceptable, I say! The teacher then got really pissed and decided to not let us work on the project at all in class (today, and throughout the following week upon which it's due. He turned it into a "take-home" project), as well as give us a quiz (I think he had this as a back-up plan or something).
But I brought my work! I did my research! Why must I be punished like everyone else who didn't do their work?! If they're being punished, then I should be rewarded!
...This is why I hate school...
JOURNAL: BigshotSpike (Jordan Peters)
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