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ahhh so tired
2005-02-20 06:39:18
I'm so tired but I cant' sleep yet my meds havn't kicked in hmmm this sucks! oh wells it is wierd but am I the only one that notices that people change im buddies like their pants? hmm well I don't but it seems that three or four of my im buddies do oh wells anyways ahhh my eyes hurt I feel like someone put sand in them :_( anyways I'm gonna go shopping monday! YAY! I love to shop well I do so :-P hehe ok oh I found out that brian's brother works next door crud I hope he doesn't mention that I live next door then one of my old friends would be like ya how did you know and so forth hmmmm yeah that would suck hmm yep. anyways one of my im buddies said I am a umm crud well a certain type of person it had four letters to it but darnit if I can remember them grrrrrr oh wells I will remember some time at least I hope i do lol yeah ok one of my old im buddies says that if someone read this they would think I was a slut and a ditz but well NO I'm only a ditz so there! take that and well I'm not a ditz all the time just well ok maybe no no I am smart! hehe it just seems that I write these entries when I am waiting to go to bed and so I am tired and can be a ditz at times but well talk about something I know and I am really really smart trust me I am! lol hmmm well I guess maybe I should be going to bed cause my pills are starting to kick in and well I might say something bad if I keep writting Mwahaha! hehe
kisses
chow
leala ann -
hmmm latie dah
2005-02-19 19:47:08
well today has been kinda boring (sighs) but then again I slept most of it but for some reason I kept waking up ever hour it was such a pain lol as you can tell from my other entry I did get a check in the mail today think I will go shopping monday! YAY! I will go to goodies then fashion bug I don't usually go to fashion B but they have a bunch of babydoll style shirts and we all know how much I love those. I made two new im friends lastnight one from here and the other was the author of a fiction I feel in love with called steel eyed angel it's on aff if you wanna check it out a great fiction but not as good as the one I put in here last that was great! anyways all of that author's fictions are wonderful I'm on the second one now a very talented author. My mood is kina lightening a lil I think the fact that I am going shopping is helping (giggles) milk-chan is gonna hate me but I havn't been working on Dio's curious (doges a baseball bat) SORRY! but I hope to work on it soon at least I hope I do I would like to have another chapter again before she im's me and then comes over and kills me! for those who don't know milk-chan is gonna write the sequel to my fanfiction Dio's curious I just hope she can handle it that fiction seemes to be cursed the only place I could post it was aff the rest I got hate mail on LOL oh wells I am thinking about posting my poetry on fictionpress.com the forum that it is currently on well let's just say it has a total of 5 members lol but I will still post on there becuase I told my im buddy I would and I hate letting people down like that. OH and fanfiction.net ok I'm SO pissed right now my account got deleted by accident oh so mad!!!! whew ok then I am currently in the middle of making dvd cases for my numerous vcds without a case but it's ok all I am doing is labeling the cases I after all did order 100 of them hehe well gots to run
kisses
leala -
too early
2005-02-19 07:49:09
Yes I know I am up at 6:47 am here but for some reason I got up anyways hmm interesting lol oh wells I'm gonna go back to bed what is that you ask? Oh why did I write in here? well cause I wanted annoy you that is why Mwahaha!
kisses
leala -
ahhhhhhhh soooooo tired lol
2005-02-18 09:04:21
why am I up at 8am you ask? well cause i never went to bed Mwahaha! I know I am going to bed now but I wanted to tell you why I was up all night and the answer is a fiction I started to read and just couldn't quit! I WAS SO GOOD I COULD READ IT OVER AND OVER! except then I would have to find someone to have sex with because IT IS THAT DAMN GOOD! LOL hehe here is the info if you wanna read warning though make sure to have plenty of time to read it
The Darkness
COMPLETED! Balie has just been converted to the darkness. Tyral is her overseer, her keeper, her soon-to-be mate. But does Balie want that? Does Balie even have a choice? All I can say is, Tyral can't hold out much longer. Good sex stuff coming soon. M/F
Original > Dark Fic -:- NC-17 -:- Chapters [42] -:- Published [2004-03-21] -:- Updated [2004-12-22] -:- Hits [2133] -:- Reviews [73] average stars 5
ok here is the link it is on like I said it is a long story but worth every letter and word and min to read it is posted three times on aff under the name endUPyourEXgirl so here is the link to the one in dark fiction it is also in vampire fiction and fantasy fiction
http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=22507
enjoy it as much as I have and make sure to leave a review and ask for a sequel cause I would be really really happy if there was one! so make me happy and ask for a sequel today! lol that sounds like an advertisment lol
kisses to all and to hell with it I'M GOING TO BED NOW! hehe
leala ann -
grr I'm mad!
2005-02-18 04:01:15
OH SO PISSED OFF!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR
ok I'm better now I just almost got done writting you guys and the stupid thing brings up a pop up and I try and close it out but it does this thingy and well I close out the stupid journal page!! ROAR! deep breath in out ok
anyways I talked about how much I love this song it is called volcanos by damien rice he is up there with chris isaak which is the top of my fav list lol anyways group went well Brian and Dave were there Murry was sick but with those two there I felt safe don't know why or how I would react if neither were there I just feel safer if I have brian on one side and Dave on the other. I once again was the youngest there 23 yrs if you don't know how old I am anyways besides me there was 3 other women there mainly guys though. It is in a small room they had the windows and door closed I tried to stand it but I couldn't I started to have a panic attack which is when I start to shake and I have a hard time breathing. I have had smaller ones before but this took the cake I had to get up and go out for some air. A aim buddy of mine says he thinks I have AS don't know what it is but I plan on looking into it for those who don't know I have ADD and I have bipolar rapid cycling. I take meds but lately my mom has been buggin me saying at my age I shouldn't just exist but live I just give her a smile and say that for now I am happy just to exist which is true if I had my way three years ago I would be dead. OH wells I talked in group about how I have three major parts to me it mainly deepends on my sleep amount and stress. I mainly act happy, carefree, I always have good advice and I seem strong. Then when I am low on sleep I act similar but I am mainly obsessed with sex and I am pretty straight forward about things. Then the last like I said before i haven't seen in years but it came back that one is when I am more agressive and I think deeply and darkly. I write some of my best poems then or atleast I think so. A aim buddy of mine said that she had heard Zio say my poetry was like poe! that's sweet but I don't think I am anywhere near poe. I do love lord byron's poetry he is my fav poet. anyways I told them this and talked about how I had to act happy all the time they didn't seem to understand so I told them how out of the five of us in my family my dad was the only one without bipolar. sad but true I told them how I have to act happy all the time. THey asked why and I told them I had to otherwise if I acted and talked about how I really felt I would just cause pain and i would rather suffer than to do that to my loved ones. No it's not heroic or anything to admire I hate it but it is a sacrafice I must make otherwise things would be 10X as stressful for my family then it already is I figure that I had my down time three years ago and now it is my turn to be there for them. Yes in here in my journal I talk about how I am gonna do this and that but I realized that I have to sleep and eat otherwise I will get sick (I get sick if I don't sleep for over 48 hours I get a fever and so forth) and if I am sick what good am I? none anyways I was kinda hurt that no one in the group had the same problem so once again I am alone but it is ok I am used to it by now and to tell the truth after talking to one of my aim buddies I kinda realized that most likely I will always be alone but hey it's ok I will live on it's just kinda sad I grew up dreaming of finding someone falling in love and that we would truely be happy and now I know that to be a lie. I will always be alone even if I do marry and fall inlove because that is how it is....
anyways back to the panic attack that one was a little extreme for me I mean yes i do have some problems with crowds but that is when we are packed shoulder ot shoulder I have a hard time breathing and so forth like when me and my ex would go to the movies which we did alot but he always wanted to go on saturday and it was always packed I would have a lil trouble breathing but he was there so I was ok I don't know why but I usually am ok if someone is there that i trust but tonight that wasn't the case. I think I reacted so because I havn't been around alot of people lately There just isn't really anyone to be around with that is worth my time here. Yes I see Tres every other day or so but she comes here. but at group I just couldn't stop fidgeting like tapping my foot and such. Brian's brother was there he was nice but really quiet. I offered my advice to those who I thought it would help but no one had any advice for me they were all dealing with things i had already been through it is sad that I still go to group even though no one there is like younger than late twenties and I usually give more advice than I receive but I am happy to help. I know they don't mean to make me feel lonely it is just how I am I guess.
anyways hmm oh clothes that is something I have tons of clothes but it seems most are just too big! Like my jeans are all too big but that can be fixed with a belt but like my fav purple shirt is too big and well sometimes it slips too low I don't mean for it to it just does oh well I do have some clothes that fit it just means I have to do laundry more lol.
oh my favorite color is prism what is that you ask? well it is clear until the light hits it then it is a rainbow of colors kinda like me lol Oh wells I didn't talk to knives today but I left a message for him saying sorry I just don't feel like chatting with him today zio just took all my energy to talk to but i gave him another name which was akito I love that name and so did he so I call him aki for short. I am a lil sad that no one had reviewed the latest chapter in Dio's curious but hey I already knew not many liked it since the themes are really ruff in it but there are a few like milk-chan I talk to that like it milk-chan is gonna kill me for not finishing it soon I have the dead line of 6 days from now which would be the 24th I told her I would finish it by then so she could start the sequel I am looking forward to her sequel but we all know I am a procrasintor.
Oh another thing I want to talk about is well an age old question how come a guy can talk all he wants about sex but when a girl does they are a slut!?! hmm interesting but you know what call me what you want but I won't deny the fact that I need to get laid LOL but like i have said before that isn't as easy as it used to be not for lack of offers and all but because I don't think I could do a one night stand as easily as I used to be able to but then again Mwahaha! anyways wanting sex is natural so there!!! lol hmm I might try and go walking tomorrow if it is nice out. I think that is about it for tonight hmm if I remember anything else I will make another entry k? deal hehe
kisses
leala
JOURNAL: slave 4 anime (Leala scott)
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