JOURNAL: slave 4 anime (Leala scott)

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  • OH I forgot! 2005-03-10 20:28:19 One more thing is my plan for my family has worked! YAY! SO HAPPY! They are now getting along! Infact my sis is over tonight as well hehe SO HAPPY! well gotta run hope you read the two entries I wrote before this one they are all from a few mins today just posted my poem seperate cause of the length and this would be in the other entry but like the subject says I forgot about it oh but I am SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOO happy hehe
    kisses
    chow
    leala 
  • oks now that it is on here lol 2005-03-10 20:25:26 Hmm I hope ryan-chan does ok with his problem. I don't know my parents are happy as long as I am but I know his rents probably think I am NO catch and I know I am not. (sighs) anyways I don't care I love him no matter what happens (blushes) anyways I bought chobits YAY! hehe anyways I also bought a bunch of jade beads. Jade comes in so many beautiful colors! I love to make jewelry I would do it for a living but I don't think many would care to have my jewelry. oh wells I can't write much because my aunt and uncle are over so I gotta go hope to write again soon.
    kisses
    chow
    leala ann 
  • HIya 2005-03-10 20:21:55 Hi I just did a new poem a few hours ago most think it confusing but I like it here it is
    Title: God's Miracle

    I stepped to the edge.
    The edge of the bridge and my life.
    Tears run down my face as I think back of

    things I've lost.
    Things that hurt me.
    Things I hurt.
    I didn't deserve to live.
    I didn't deserve to be in my daughter's

    life.
    I knew that although she didn't hurt yet

    she would.
    All because her mother was a whore.
    She has no father now and soon she

    wouldn't have this pathetic excuse for a

    mother.
    She would be free.
    My thoughts turn to religion.
    The vision of a cross in flames runs

    through my mind.

    I sob a sorry...

    I knew I would go to hell but I knew that

    was where I belonged.
    I was a coward for taking the easy and

    selfish way out.
    I thought of how even though it would

    hurt people a lot that they were better

    off without me.
    I no longer invoked love just pain and

    needless stress.


    I sit down swinging my feet over the edge

    of life and death.
    The voices start trying to calm me fears.

    Do it slowly they say...

    I nod grabbing a hold of a bar wrapping

    my arms around it.
    I swing my shaking body off.
    I sob as my arms slowly slip.

    I swing there dangling over death and

    hell.
    My arms slide off and my hands are the

    only thing linking me to life.
    My fingers start to slip.
    I open my mouth to scream but nothing

    ever comes out.
    Blackness surrounds my thoughts as I felt

    the last hold I had on life slip away.
    One thought comes from it.

    I don't want to die.

    I black out completely.

    I awake on the ground.
    I can't see.
    I can't hear.
    I can't speak.
    I feel something sticky on my forehead

    but I can't even move a hand up to wipe

    away whatever it was away.
    Thoughts cut through the fogginess of my

    thoughts.

    Why did god still love me?

    Why didn't he let me feel the pain I

    should be feeling right now?

    Instead he took this pain from me and

    endured it himself.
    How could he do such a selfless act for

    such a selfish person?

    Why was I still alive?

    This time the thought that I would live

    afterwards never crossed my mind.
    I should have died but you still saved

    me.
    And I am thankful.

    Everyone calls me a miracle.
    And that I am.

    I am god's miracle!



     
  • HI there 2005-03-09 21:52:57 Hi hope you all are glad I am written again. but this shall be short sorry? anyways I have updated my site and my second site the first is leala.zoomshare.com and the second is leala2.zoomshare.com the first is my poetry and info about me along with pics to go with my poems and pics of me and vannie. The second site is pics of anime and my fanfiction is posted there as well. enjoy it! YAY! anyways I told my mom that ryan-chan is comin to visit she took it well but said that she may just pop by at any time LOL I told her go ahead I wanted them to meet him anyways. She doesn't like the diff in religion but that is her I don't mind it. anyways tres is comin over soon gonna shop ebay YAY again! I am buyin some chobits cause ryan-chan says it is really really good I hope it is but anyways I gotta go and write some poetry why? well cause I wanna Mwahaha! love you all and hope to write again soon
    kisses
    chow
    leala ann
    PS I don' t know if I told you but my doc took me off of my seroquel and I am now in ambilify it is GREAT! gives me a lil boost which I SO need! but for some reason my tastes have changed don't know why i have only been takin it for two days now oh wells gotta go 
  • HI all! 2005-03-09 14:56:51 sorry I have been slacking huh? I'm bad but well hehe you can't spank me cause I'm not there Mwahaha! I have also been slackin on my fictions :-( I know my reviewers probably hate me by now! But well Like I have said before i have found love and I want to spend every waking hour that is possable talking to this person. (blushes) Yeah I know doesn't sound like me does it? Well it is. I have also been busy doin my poetry with him i am spinnin it like it is goin outta style hehe hopefully he will come to visit in april and I am SO excited! It is creepy at times how we know what the other feels and knows yeah creepy but in a good way. I just hope that everything goes well. I'm a lil scared that my rents will be upset that he is coming to visit but then again I may be wrong and sides I am a big girl and would do anything to get to see him and know he is as real in person as he is online. I never really cared for online things because of my past experiences but well it is odd cause in real life I would have never met him little alone dated him or anything and now all I can do is think of him. It is wonderful! but I need to get back to cleanin why do I clean so much you ask? well cause i am a messy person and like things to be clean! YAY! hehe I hope to write again soon my web site is always being updated check it out if you wanna. OH and all the poetry I can find that i have written with my new ones are now on fictionpress.com oh and blood month if finally up on the site the link is below it check it out
    http://www.anime-artistry.net/
    enjoy and hope to talk later kisses
    chow^-^
    leala ann 
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