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quick note
2005-03-22 23:43:48
OK I have the next chapter of blood month done my beta is editing it now YAY then I shall post it. I so love ryan-chan aka aetherryan he is so wondefull! I am goin to talk to him on the phone tonight LOL SO happy sorry I havn't been able to write much between mom and my daughter I don't get much time (sighs) Oh my mom wants to get her eyebrow peirced I told her to go for it my dad said so as well and I told her if she didn't like it she could always let it grow back Mwahaha! lol well I'm goin to take a nap now
kisses to all
ciao
leala ann -
oh my
2005-03-18 12:46:45
hehe and know this I LOVE MY RYAN-CHAN! (blushes) well I do it is SO true!
I am so phsyced about him comin to visit it makes my stomach flip! but don't worry I won't forget about you guys cause you have given me well let me see here 858 HITS you guys are so awesome! I can't help but love you in my own little way you make me feel specail! but not as intensly as I love my ryan. woah I am so excited!
My mom is doin ok my dad will only say that she is doin as well as expected of her in her current condition. Sad cause I know that means she isn't really doin better just not more bad. I love her so much she is so strong I don't like to see someone break so easily cause of stupid people and what they have done to her. here is a poem I wrote about those strangers who want me to call them my grandparents the ordasity of it all! I have true grandparents my mom's dad and step mom who deserve the title granparents but let me share that poem with you
Title: Strangers
It tares me apart inside to see you in such pain.
The people who hurt you should have loved and protected you.
But instead they beat and abused you.
They dare act as if nothing happened!
They are so sickly sweet to me but I couldn’t care less.
They deny the truth to you and yet you love them still.
They take you , your love, and your forgiveness for granted.
And yet you still strive to make them happy.
They don’t deserve happiness as long as they deny you your’s.
They would rather trample on your mind and heart rather then accept their guilt for your abuse even if it would give you peace of mind and heart.
These selfish deceitful people expect me to call them my grandparents?
How is that possible if they abused my mother so?
In my mind they where such poor excuses for her parents that the honor of achieving grandparent hood I shall never place on them.
Instead I shall call them what they are.
Strangers.
I put alot of emotion into that as well as this one
Title: Today
I cried today
I cried for her
I cried in front of her
I held her but she wasn’t there
My mask now shows cracks from the strain and over use I put it through
I cried today
I cried for her
I cried in front of her
I held her but she wasn’t there
My mask still held even though my tears flowed free
I cried today
I cried for her
I cried in front of her
I held her but she wasn’t there
I knew she wanted to die
I knew she could give me many reasons why
I cried in front of her but not in her presence
I cried today
I cried for her
but this one has the most emotion yet
Title: Losing you
I'm slowly losing you
You slip from my world day by day inch by inch
It exhausts and embarrasses you
It scared me
Your thoughts of suicide now in the shadow of your thoughts of the past.
Your mind may be weak but your heart is strong
You are so strong and yet you only think yourself weak
You would think with all these years of protecting others you would learn to protect yourself
But alas you do not
and so I am losing you to your past
You will be lost to me forever
When I hug you I will only be hugging your shell
I don't want to lose you but I am
I am slowly losing you
well I gotta go chel is iming me wanna talk to her I shall write somemore later I need to finish my deep cleaning I started yesterday oh boy (said sarcastically)
kisses to all who want them
ciao
leala -
hiya
2005-03-17 02:05:24
ok I have transfered this whole journal the private one in cluded if you want to see what it was look through it at this link
http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=slave_4_anime
enjoy!
oh and I have another poem if you want to see it go to my site at
leala.zoomshare.com
then go to the my poetry page it is the last one on there
kisses to all
ciao
leala
I'm goin to bed ryan-chan can wake me up with his imer thingy hehe -
new poem
2005-03-17 00:38:38
still workin on another but here is a new one I wrote a few min ago about my mom
Title: Don't leave Me!
"Goodbye" she says.
Don't leave me I plead.
She smiles tears dripping from her chin as she slowly shakes her head from side to side.
Her voice cracks as she replies.
"I don't want to but I must"
Sobs now shake my shoulders.
She detaches my hands from her shirt and holds me in a tight embrace.
She then pulls away a sad smile on her face as she disappears into the darkness.
I fall to my knees hitting the floor over and over till my fists bleed.
The blood splatters on my face as I keep abusing the floor beneath me knowing that she must have felt the same way as the floor did now.
Finally I stop rocking myself I fall to my side now bawling loudly the only words I can mutter between screams and sobs are
"DON'T LEAVE ME!"
ciao
leala -
Hiiiiiii all
2005-03-17 00:12:24
hehe miss me? hmm well I can't write for long I need to write some poetry oh here is a update on where I post
allpoetry.com under slave 4 anime
fictionpress.com under slave 4 anime
my fanfiction is still on adultfanfiction.com under leala81
so gonna post this write some then com back in an hour and tell about my horrable day. get board waiten? go to my amazon wish list and have some fun (blushes)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/registry.html/103-5704742-0691044?%5Fencoding=UTF8&id=2DVP97VHU094L
or go to my profile then go to my web site yay for me lol
kisses to all
ciao till later probably an hour or so
leala ann
JOURNAL: slave 4 anime (Leala scott)
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