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I've only been up for 15 min
2005-02-11 13:40:02
geez vannie just came over and this day isn't getting better I know I just got up but I feel like shit I have more cleaning to do my aim doesn't wanna sign on and she had a sepcial sippy cup with a straw that when I opened the straw part for her squirted me with carbonated flavored water dirctly in the eye and it went all over me :_( oh well I will live I guess but damn that hurt lol
anyways I was overreacting last night about my aim buddy I knew I would think a whole lot diff now that I have some sleep yes that is a fear I have but there is nothing I can do but I no longer care I like him too much to let something as lil as that interfear. I extremely excited about meeting him tomorrow and I am a tad nervous but that's ok I'll live but what is wierd is that I am not as nervous as i usually am wierd I know but I feel as if I have already met him this is just a technical thing hehe anyways there is alot to be done today (heavy sigh) oh well I hope my aim is working by tonight so I can talk to him.
gotta run
kisses
leala ann -
YAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!
2005-02-11 07:03:20
Well ok it's almost 6 am here SO tired but I am still not done cleaning I hope to get up in about 6 hours which would be noon. I need to finish cleaning but I am just to darn tired right now. anyways
I am doing it again I am letting one of my aim buddies kinda control me he has some problems and I want to help him but now well I feel he is kinda controling me he doesn't want to be alone I know that but well he is running my emotions raged! oh well I will live but DANGIT! why do I have to care so much oh well anyways on to happier things
I am supposed to meet my fav aim buddy tomorrow I hope it goes ok. I really like him but I am well kinda scared that he isn't over one of his exs yet. I plan on talking to him about it tonight. It doesn't bother me I just don't want to well get attached and he just drops me and goes back to his ex. I know he doesn't plan on it but life can be cruel in a sick twisted way. I am glad that he is honest to me and I really do like him but oh well I guess I just have to go with what I say and rather try and get hurt than always think what if. Oh well I am tired to maybe I am over reacting I don't know I just will have to wait till I get more sleep to see how I feel about it. I don't really care that he still talks to her I just well I don't know. Let me sleep on it and see how I feel after that I may just feel this way now cause my brain is slow and tired. I am confident that he wouldn't hurt me I just well like I said I am tired and maybe I shouldn't even be writting LOL I'm stupid at times like this (sighs) my emotions get the best of me and I think differently than when i am rested and sane. hehe so all of you don't take me very seriously I change when I am like this and not always for the good. I just wish my mind would clear but inorder to do that and think clearly I need to get some sleep. which I plan on doing now I will write again when I am more sane.
kisses goodmorning
leala -
hiya
2005-02-10 04:40:07
hello I am posting all my poetry on one site the address is http://diamolex.com/art/index.php?board=2.0
the user name is slave 4 anime so if you would like to read it check the site out and leave me an opinion Please?? dont' make me begg you (gets on knees and crawls over tugging on you hand lower lip stuck out) PLEASE!?! I will love you forever and forever and forever etc......
kisses
leala -
STUPID CONNECTION
2005-02-09 01:56:08
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
my stupid connection cable a cat is well it SUCKS badly. if any aim buddies are reading sorry my internet seems to work but my aim is well shitty! it won't sign on for shit! I'll keep trying sorry hope you guys aren't too pissed at me right now
leala -
wow 455 hits you know how to make a girl feel special
2005-02-09 00:14:25
hiya all here is the letter I promised I will write it exactly like it is written ok?
Mom,
I want you to well ....... kinda look out for me and watch me if I start acting strange.
the reason why I'm writting you is because I can't tell you. I guess I'm a coward. I'm gonna tell you in this letter one of my darkest secrets and you have to promise not to tell dad. Otherwise don't bother reading on.
Ok. the reason that I want you to watch out for me in a quiet way please! is because I'm in a situation and I don't know if I can handle it alone. DON'T TELL NO ONE! here's my secret. Don't be disgusted ot mad at me.
Remember the last time you went to montana? Well I got really depressed for some reason in which I have forgotten. But thats not the point. I tried to kill myself. I tried sufication but I was going nuts with something over my mouth. So I went around the house lookin for a sharp knife. But we had none. So I tried to overdose on pills. 2 bristol and 12 tylenol was all I could find. I woke up though.
I don't know why I am depressed. Well that was a LIE! I do it's because nothing makes any sense anymore. All that matters now is going out, guys, and being popular, and keeping my grades up to do that, the fun has gone out of this lifetime. Yeah, I have enjoyed myself but enjoying and having fun are 2 different things.
Plus the guys part has become out of hand. It's no FUN! Yeah Yeah "life's not to be fun but indured" I hate that saying! Just kinda watch me. And please don't mention this to anyone. No on knows but you. Not even Sheren. (sheren is my sister)
Don't mention any of this to me either. Because I probably won't remember writting this note.
That's another thing. My memory! It's to short to be normal. Like I'll get home and not remember something really important till when it happens or sometimes never.
I'm getting tired.
Love ya,
Leala
***************************************************
well I wrote that in 1997 I was a freshman in high school and well I still don't know what made me try harder then normal to kill myself. She never talked about this letter to me and I asume she forgot before long. She never knew that I continued the attempts because I can be very sneaky and it was true I had forgotten I had even written the letter by the next day. I found this letter somewhere about one year ago. I don't know how I got it back but I found it with my poetry. My mom read it and broke down saying she was sorry and just didn't know how serious it was I don' t mind I forigive her Others have read this note and all have cried saying they were sorry and they had no idea that something like this was going on. I don't care anymore it's just some paper with a lil insight into my past. I lost it again and found it a few days ago in with some old papers. well I gotta go I'm in the middle of aiming me buddy. But I hope to write to you guys again soon.
kisses
leala ann
JOURNAL: slave 4 anime (Leala scott)
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