- Love lost 2004-12-14 05:39:34 Im really getting sick and tired of this love crap. Im tired of falling in love and not having the person love me back. Having that feeling of weakness and vulnerability when you find out that you have no chance with hat person what so ever....but despite all of that, i still hold some small, slim chance that she will change her mind. That in the endm she will be the one for me somehow....Im an idiot and a fool for thinking this.....And helpless idiot in love, and who doesnt want to face the facts, and thats agrivating....Why me?
- When reality slaps you in the face..... 2004-12-12 21:58:31 Well, its sunday, and almost ten o clock, and im about to go to bed. But thats besides the point. I enjoyed today greatly, because the only person i consider my true friend came over, and we always have a great time together. Shes a really awsome person whom i love greatly...but thats when reality hits, and i come to realize the same thing as we talked about a month ago. When i say i love her, i dont mean the, puppy love, though one could count it as that, but true love. I know, i know, how do you know its true love and blah blah blah. Well, its called time, patience, and giving it alot of thought. And i mean ALOT. I know for a fact that i have never felt the way i do about her then i have anyone else, and it hurt like a bitch (emotionally) When she told me should would, and could never love me the way i love her, or love me at all for that matter. But despite all of that, we are still great friends......But i cant help but feel so....lost and alone. Like everything i have worked for, and done up until this point has been for nothing. Like one big waste.....Ad when i get that way, i go back to pondering the meaning of my life, and what i am doing with it. *sigh* Oh well, not much i can do about. She doesnt feel the same way i do about her, so im just going to have to deal with it, and move on i geuss....
- Movin on up 2004-12-10 17:52:19 Well, today wasnt so bad. Got the rest of my grades, and they arent THAT bad. I got a B in japanese, three B's in tech class, a C in geometry, a C in java programming, and a C in my physics class. Though overall, i think thats one too many C's i have done alot worse, but i have also done ALOT better. Anyways, later on today, i went for my interview to see if i can go to japan for the summer. It was more like an interigation then anything else, but i think it went really well. Im hoping i got in, because i really want to go to japan
- Cant think about Tomorrow 2004-12-09 21:27:21 Well, another day has gone by, and what a good one it was, save for the multiple viruses i almost got on my computer. So far, my interim looks pretty darn good. I have a C in physics, and three B's for my A+/CIS class. Now all i need are the rest of my grades, and ill be set. Everything is looking, and im sure tomorrow will bean even better day...now all i have to do is finish all of my online english classes by monday and ill be set -_-
- Rage and loneliness 2004-12-08 21:44:23 *Sigh* Well, this morning started off really bad. Its a long long story, but for the most part, my mums had a video that she didnt she had and she put the blame on me for not turning it on time, and i DO feel partly responsible since i should have looked harder for it. Other then that, i was feeling slightly alone today as i do mostly everyday, especially when my lady love is invovled. I dont know. I am overjoyed with our friendship, and in knowing that i am mostly the first male to actually ever get close to her, but my love for her gets in the way...oh well. It will just have to deal with it i geuss. Anyways, tommorrow i get my interim -_-.....
JOURNAL: Cannon_Illmater (****** ******)
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