JOURNAL: SarahtheBoring (Sarah B')

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  • Fretting as usual 2004-03-21 22:43:28 It seems like such a horrible waste to have 50G of source on my hard drive and not use one blasted frame of it. Ugh!

    But I just can't seem to get these ideas to catch fire, you know? Or if they do, they burn out before they get done. It doesn't bode well for the future, either, if I can't manage to get even ONE idea to fruition in, like, a million years. People have put out dozens of vids in the time I've taken between Divergence and now.

    But then, there are some out there (no names mentioned ^_~) who can produce a body of work surpassing my entire two-year catalog in a week, though, so maybe I shouldn't play the comparison game. Everybody's time frames are different.

    Still, with the time-consuming prep work involved, it does seem like such an awful waste, even beyond the frustrating you-suckness of not being able to turn out even one good idea in months and months of work.

    Heh, maybe winter just isn't a good season for me. Last year I went from F&F (November) to Burning Star (April) without releasing anything. Damned if I remember what I *did* during that time, though.

    Feh! Yeah, I know, it doesn't matter. I don't give a fuck if anyone else cares or not; these are just my thoughts.

    I'm just utterly sick of leaving a swath of dead ideas behind me. I'm not getting any better - I understand more techniques, but with no finished products that is meaningless. It's highly frustrating.

    I mean, I started a project file that was ONE AND A HALF FREAKING MINUTES LONG and I couldn't be bothered to finish it. That's just... messed up.

    Maybe the scene has gotten to me. Many of my upcoming ideas have this overlay of "this is something I should do" or "this would be impressive," or, conversely, "this is something I shouldn't do because 'Deluge' obliterated any further need for this kind of vid forevermore" or "this idea has been done to death, if you do it again you can kiss any respect goodbye" or simply "this is lame."

    I am drawn to the idea of projects that never see the light of day, because frankly, what gives me most enjoyment is taking an idea for a vid that *I* would like to see done, and doing it so that I have something to watch. Liiiiike, "It would be nice if somebody did a vid to 'Breath After Breath,' because it's a really pretty song." I just made myself the "somebody." That's what's fun in all of this.

    Pretty much all my desire to even watch the crowd of AMVing has bled out of me by this point. I don't care what anyone else is doing. I don't have any impulse to go to AMV screenings at cons, because I don't want contact with The Scene. I want to return to me and my chessboard - I mean computer, doing whatever looks neat.

    You know, I stayed up all night editing the first draft of "Sea of Stars." It was done from ten at night to five in the morning, in one session of editing. It was that absorbing. But I don't know if I can go back to that.

    Maybe if I trick myself into thinking that I'm not going to release a project, that I'm just going to work on it so that I will have something fun to watch, I can enjoy it more.

    Hm.

    Now, that's not to say I don't watch other people's AMVs - I'm not like that at all. Actually I probably watch a weirder cross-section of other people's AMVs than most; I tend to watch vids from people that I DON'T know. (gasp!!!!) For me, watching is a different matter.

    Generally I like AMVing, but I don't get along with editors. So it goes. 
  • 2004-03-19 19:42:45 AWWWWW! I know none of you care, but this is serendipity.

    I happened to be listening to "Save Me" and thought, you know, somebody should make a vid to this. So I searched, and not only was there a vid, it was the series I've been watching lately, AND I'd seen it before - on the Yaoicon 02 tape - and subsequently forgot about it.

    http://www.animemusicvideos.org/members/members_videoinfo.php?v=12325

    awwwwww! Now yeah, none of you care, but I like the way it integrates sound/dialogue - and, oddly enough, the DVD menu, which pokes holes in the fourth wall but is an unusual idea, at least.

    I haven't seen it since I watched the tape; it totally slipped my mind. Aw! See, this is serendipity. ^_^

    Okay, so 75% of it is really loving the song. But I do like the dialogue. Really.
     
  • 2004-03-19 19:09:08 Incidentally, in fannish-dork news, I am now determined to cosplay Dominique the Cyclops - assuming the others are up for doing Vash and Milly. Luckily, my sister is as good a seamstress as I am, if not better, and can handle at least half the workload for those three - leaving me part of that, plus my friend's Andy Bogard getup and the Miki duelist outfit (must get to work on that soon).

    Anyone who says that cosplay is innately dorkier than AMVing gets pointed and laughed at. We are all gigantic nerds, and you know it.
     
  • Say. 2004-03-19 19:07:09 Neat connectivity between org profile and forum profiles. And I see that thing that said "Not a valid image" every time you edited a profile has been fixed. *thumbs-up*

    Erg, 1600 posts? GodDAMN, I talk too much. *slinks off, embarrassed*

    Have been listening to too much Queen lately. At least there are some Queen vids out there, or I might have to smack you all individually. ;)
     
  • 2004-03-19 07:15:54 Here's my metaphor. Once and for all. Then, I plan to work on some editing for a while, so I'll ignore the scene for a bit. The scene makes me ill.

    Anyway, here's my metaphor.

    AMVing, and actually, any fandom, is like a very large (infinitely large) public park. It's a summer day and people are out doing whatever it is they do. There are kids playing jump rope, people jogging, people playing chess, people sunbathing, people making out on park benches, and people sitting on the grass staring into space.

    There are rules posted at the entrance, but they are minimal. "No dogs, no skateboards, no alcoholic beverages," perhaps. Otherwise, the place is free to all.

    Phade & co. own the park's land, and open it for everyone (within the no-skateboards rules), but anyone in the park could just as easily go somewhere else and jog/sunbathe/play chess. This is just a nice convenient place to do it.

    Now, in my perfect world, people would just come in, enjoy the park however they wanted, chat with others if they liked, and go home happy. But that tends not to be what we get.

    We get people making up "rules" - no kids jumping rope! kids jumping rope are stupid! - and occasionally going around punching people who are doing things that they aren't doing. We get people bitching that no skateboards are allowed in the park, despite the fact that there are skate parks down the street, and sometimes coming in and skating anyway. We get people proclaiming that the joggers are RUINING THE PARK, because they personally would rather play chess.

    In short, we get people acting like children on a playground, not a bunch of adults and semi-adults in a public park.

    That's how I see it.

    Now I'm going to go and, say, build balsa-wood model airplanes in a corner of the park, and fly them. And none of you have the right to tell me I can't, or I shouldn't, just as I have no right to tell you not to jog or play chess.

    And that's all I have to say about that. 
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