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2002-05-13 09:55:09
Whoa. june's "Come what may" FF8 video moved up to the #4 spot in the non anime video category. Cool. I love that video. I am seriously thinking of using that song for an AMV. Hmm i might have to put off my Princess Mononoke video to do that video cuz I have the ideas swirling in my head and its eating me up. God I should learn how to finish one thing before I start another. Oh well
Well I did the ultimate evil. I didnt hand in my final English paper. I must prepare to die . Well I will update later. -
2002-05-12 20:18:17
It's become tradition to write in my journal whenever I am procrastinating. At 11am I promised myself I wouod begin to write my paper at 12. At 12 pm it changed to 1. At 1 it changed to 2pm. Then I just put it off to whenver I was done watching the anime I was immersed in. So its about 8 now. Feeling as lonely and wretched as ever. My birthday is a week from today. I hope my brother buys me some anime. He is kinda starting to like it. Which is good. I like him around, cuz at least I dont feel so lonely. We share a room (there's a fake wall though, the kinds of walls they use for offfice cubicles), so when he is here I try not to cry. So at least his presence forces me to be happy. Anyway, I was watching Princess Mononoke (again) on friday night cuz I felt depressed and I wasn't even in the mood to work on my projects. So he comes in and he hears "anime" and he decided to barge in to see what I was watching. Not to say he hasn't seen any other anime. He likes Escaflowne (the movie) and now he likes Princess Mononoke. And I watched the entire Escaflowne series on Saturday and he watched it with me for a couple of hours. But he didn't see the last 4 hours or so cuz he had to finish studying for finals. He said he can't wait for his final to be over so he can watch the rest of the series. Wait until I whip out all the other anime I have.
So I didn't go to Chinatown this Staurday either cuz he wanted to come with me but he couldnt cuz of that stupid final. So I guess we will go next Saturday. I can get him to buy me a present while we are out together. hehehehe
I have a new video posted for Princess Mononoke. Started it yesterday morning and I've only put about 4 hours into it cuz I was watching anime the rest of the weekend. But so far its coming along great.
And I still cant get my Waltz video uploaded. Everytime I start uploading my connection disconnects after a little while. Oh well I wont let it bother me. I'll figure something out.
My Vitamin C video is on hold for now I suppose. I had so many FF videos in the works that I got sick of FF. Now there are only a few videos left that I am thinking of actually finishing. But I won't post those until they are 100% done. So my Mononoke Hime video is basically a rest from all that FF stuff. I have an idea for an Escaflowne video (god I love Escaflowne.. wait no, I love Van) but I am gonna need another HD cuz there is no way I am gonna be able to fit all 26 episodes plus the movie onto my small ass HD. I could always just rip the footage I need. But that isn't any fun. Well I am gonna go procrastinate some more and take a long shower, look at the forums, read some journals and whatever else my little heart desires. -
2002-05-10 10:33:59
I realize this is all pretty depressing. But what can I say? No one is forcing anyone to read these journals.
I just reread my last entry. God I can't stand myself. I sound like a 14 year old who doesnt know how to spell. I also read penningtonSN's entry and decided that he sounds a whole like me (or I sound like him. whichever) I cry too goddamn much. And I curse too much. (I hate that about myself. I must try to tone down the language.) Almost every night I cry when I get home and then my eyes end up stining like crazy, especially in the morning. Last night while crying in the bathroom I came to the conclusion that God doesnt exist. If he does exist he obviously doesnt like me. People always tell me things will get better. Maybe they get better for a little while. Like when I watch some new anime, or when my family spends time together without my dad getting mad at something. But as soon as the happy moment is over, everything comes rushing back. All the insecurites, all the resentments, all the hatred, all the fatigue, all the loneliness. If there is a God, I hope he had a very good reason for giving me life and for making me this way. -
Damnit
2002-05-10 08:28:44
Life truly sucks. I can't upload my video cause of my stupid dial up. It always disconnects after w few hours, and I need probably about 9 hours to upload this freakin 96 mb video. My brother won't do it at his job where they have T1.. and I tried doing here at my job but we are always anticipating faxes and the fax and modem are on the same line so I usually can't stay one for more than 4 hours. DAMNIT. Not to mention the fact that I feel like shit. I hate my job. I need to quit this place. One of my bosses is an idiot. He the messiest person in the world. The front counter is full of papers. I clean the desks and the counters. 3 days later its messy again. So I gave up cleaning. He forgets to do things and procrastinates. He's an insurance broker, so it isn't unusual to hear that someone's insurance got cancelled cause he never sent the peron's payment in.
Anime love:
Well in other video news I got an idea for an Escaflowne video. Hmm The other day here at work I printed out a color picture from the movie. The pciture came from the scene where Van saves Hitomi from falling and he is hholding her. I love that scene. And I happen to be in love with Van. So I put that picture in a Winnie the Poo picture frame (I dont even like Winnie the Poo. Someone gave that frame to me as a gift). Hehehe Before that I didnt have pictures of anyone else (anime or human) in my room. My mom hasn't seen it yet. She is crazy enought to get nervous if she did see it. She gets really really nervous when she finds out I like a boy or that I have a boyfriend. She thinks I am stupid enough to get pregnant. Sheesh. Nowadays if I had a boyfriend I doubt I would let him touch anyplace that happens to be underneath my clothes. Well if it were Van I would jump his bones before he could even say 'Hello' . ::sigh:: Anime love.
(don't worry. I do know the difference between real guys and anime guys..and I am not obsessed. I think) -
2002-05-08 20:22:21
priuscomet: that first song is called "Sukiyaki". It's a Japanese song (well I am pretty sure it is) and that is the translation for it. That song has been done and redone over and over again by a million artists. But its a good song.
Hmm Getting that depressed feeling again. Must listen to happy music. Must not think about the History class I am gonna get an 'F' in. Must think about the video idea(s) I have in my head. Must think about...anime
Ok I feel better
JOURNAL: StarKissdMoon
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