- Vicious 2002-03-18 14:22:30 Most people probably already know who Vicious is, if they watch Cowboy Bebop. Of all the villains, he seems to intrigue me the most. Maybe to some extent his nature is inherent in me, but I do not think its Vicious's mentality that has seeded itself inside of me, more like his appearance. He has an essential nature that generates a sort of aura and I guess I see part of that nature in myself. Vicious is truly an excellent villain. I imagine that is why I use his name instead of my own. For some time, I have felt conflicting portions of myself inside of me, a duel between yin and yang that balances the light from the darkness. I guess I subconsciously have named the darkness Vicious and yet I still have to find a name for the lighter part of me. Though, I do not believe that the balance of light from dark is only inherent in my own nature, but probably in human nature itself. Everyday, people probably do have conflicting feelings inside of themselves, or a certain regard for the conscience. Everyone has a certain regard for their conscience, even if they do deny it and try to shun it away. Maybe its strange that I have named those halves of me.
- Winter Nights in the Spring 2002-03-17 17:54:32 It happened to be snowing outside. Lately it has been funny weather. One moment its hot, another moment its cold. That is probably why people are getting sick. The winter is so intriguing, and now its even more intriguing since the winter won't die. I usually prefer the cold winter over the warm spring. Something about the winter calls to me. I guess its almost like my more natural setting. The winter is so classically associated with death, while the spring opens to new life. Somehow, I guess I don't feel the same type of seasonal association that human tendencies are directed toward. However, my preferences are not picky. I do love time itself for simply being time. The sudden snow during this present spring does bring back a chill of winter joy that has been steadily running dry inside of my veins. I still have not rested to think, because I still have an answer that I am looking for. Though, more like searching for the right question to get my answer. I guess in life a person has to take one small step at a time in order to accomplish the greater part of what they are looking for.
- Thinking 2002-03-16 20:19:17 Its another one of those late silent nights where I can not sleep because I have so much to think about. I don't know if its just me, or if other people are like me, for surely it would be naive to believe I am the only one. I have so much inside of my head that I'm looking for this thought that I had lost. I continue to try and listen to what my inner self is trying to say, but he is talking to softly. I feel like I am stuck in thought. I have a question to ask, but I can't seem to find the right question. Then, it is the question that begins the answer. So now I just have to ask the right question.
- Games 2002-03-16 20:14:38 I was playing this online game before, and I met this one child who was screaming "THIS ISN'T FAIR! THIS ISN'T FAIR", because his partner had lost the game. It technically was a fair game of 2v2 with 2 people who have absolutely no idea if they would win against another 2 people. Course, the child continued to persist in his anger. I started to think, "How pathetic." I know this kid must be at least my age. Give or take a year or two. I'm starting to wonder how much of a person's soul can be put into something. Sadly, half of the people who were probably playing that online game, do not realize that it's just a game. It is a sense of security in who they are and what they are doing. I believe online, many of children have troubles inside of their lives have no other place to run. Often time they have to run to a game in order to prove their own worth. Its really sad. I imagine it would be like coming home and running to the computer screen because they have nothing else besides the blinking screen and themselves. That is why their is so much emotion when a person loses a game. I know nobody likes to lose, but then when a person realizes something is as insignificant in their lives as a small game, they do not react with such emotion. I begin to wonder again, as I always do. How many people out there are like that? So lost? I can recall at least one time in my life where I had nothing except a book or something of the same sort. I remember what it is like to have nobody at all to turn to. Of all those times, I had wished someone would notice me. So how many children out there try to mask their want and their need by acting tough? Maybe they do need someone else to turn to.
- Unanswered Questions 2002-03-16 11:22:20 Each night under silence uttering darkness, I still wonder what is it I still need inside my life. I am neither satisfied with the life God has built me, nor satisfied with myself. At least, not completely satisfied. This does not mean I do not appreciate the life God has given me, it simply means I am still seeking for more answers to my questions. Questions which I can not quite give full substance to, nor shine full light into them where I can ask them to their fullest meaning. In one manner, many of the things I have been pondering are ineffable. They are not breathtaking, yet there are too many that have seamed themselves together. Into what? That is only one of my many pursuits.
JOURNAL: SuperAzN (Vicious )
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