-
{^_^}
2003-05-06 02:41:30
^whoa!! omfg...o-o its a smile for a first!! XD geez...when's the last time you saw that on my journal....:lol:
anyway.... ^_^ chaos angel is a real sweetie. XD but i feel bad soemtimes becuase i dont' want to abuse his offer. he's nice enough already to listen to me, but for me to go on...XD he just might regret that. lol.
anyway....
i realize now....when things bug you, or if you're feeling bad or watever...= its not always a good thing to just keep it to yourself and tell yourself it'll all be alright later and you're strong enough to endure it.
= sometimes you are strong enough to endure it...but its like this, the way i see it we're all a peice of paper. we're strong enough, yet we can be torn. we can take note of many things, write important things within us..and those same thigns can be erased and replaced at will (sometimes not at will). yet as we age, we also take a beating. our use sometimes damages our fresh white paper we started out iwht and as time progresses we weather down that paper. dirt stains us, rocks chip us, water weathers us....all the same we get scared or beaten in real good as we face each trial and error in our lives.
but what i'm getting is what keeps things fresh. = not beign able to talk to people and confine in your friends actually takes quite a tole on yourself. without that confinement, you hold things to yourself and its like not giving a bandaid to a cut. with friends, they're there to help you and even though they may not be able to do anything to help you, their simple act of listening to you and offering you a gentle ear is the same thing as your mom putting a bandaid on your new bike scrape....the same thing that helps keep your paperself from weathering and staying beaten and worn so bad.
its a way to let go and release and i dont' think many people realize how much therapy talking to your friends about your problem is. even i hadn't realized it. i used to keep things so bottled up. i never talked about anything to my friends, not even my closest friends. and when i finally do i talk, theres so much i say becuase there's so much that i've bottled up. and when i did use to keep things to myself i was probably the most angry and stressed kid....= wasn't so good cuz i'd take it out on my family. course, they were mostly the ones to cause me problems anyway.
but back to the point....= its only now that i realized how helpful it is to talk to my friends. i really was walking blind and dumb when i banned myself off aim this past week. my head spun like no other. i'd try to do homework and ended up doin the most stupid mistakes ever and didnt' get a single problem correct (literally). i tried it again today....now that everything looks somewhat clearer to me now, and i got every problem right. = i mean, now i'm starting to think clearly again. when i had banned myself i was so confused, so lost, so everything. but i finally did get to talking to friends, and even though i had to talk to several of them to get myself straight again it was worth it and i'm so thankful for them....for anyoen who wanted to talk to me and was willign to listen to watever was causing me so much grief. even though they coudln't help (ie MJ last night) or ever though they didn't know how to help me, just the simple act of me gettign it out of me helped myself to see thigns straight again and to put things in a better perspective.
i got back to talking to digi and xeno. even though xeno and i still do'nt see things eye to eye, becuase we talked it out and at least understood each other, things look a lot better. we're somewhat beginign to talk like we used to (ie. him talking about his crazy vid ideas )....for me and digi, =) we know we're here for each other and even though we've just been through so much grief this past two weeks we still pulled it through, which in turn gives me new hope for the healing. =)
now things may not be "fixed" per se...but at least thigns are starting to heal. maybe one day they'll be fixed...but first we need to recover from the rocks thrown at our paper selves....
0-o which reminds me.....All-American Rejects "Paper Heart" good song...
^_^ ::waves hands around:: so to everyone who worried so much i'd just like to say thank you for being my friend and for even subjecting yourselves to the torture of listening to my problems. lol... ^_^ you've really no idea how much you all helped. 0-o cept for you people ::points at the random masses:: who are rolling your eyes at this journal entry because you don't give a shit. XD -
{o-o}
2003-05-05 17:23:45
oh HA! aHA hAAAA ahahahaahaha HA!!!
::points and laughs mockingly at life:: HA!! you're a fucking joke. OMFG!!! HA!! its just one fucking joke after another!! oh this is just so fucking great!! HA!!
::Kicks life int eh fucking balls:: >< bastard!
¬¸¬ just when you think things got better....up comes some bullshit to taint the weather....-_-; -
{-_-}
2003-05-04 23:48:46
http://www.priuscomet.com/reflection.jpg
well....lessee...0-o i think i crapped in my pants about five times when i saw my chem midterm results...o-o i guess i should start on my hoemowrk now eh? ::snorts::
and i hear RO is back......=O and for free!!! O_O now i fuckign regret deleting it from myc omp....>< doh! that's just fucking great...XD oh well...
::deep breath of relief:: well...i've officially given up on making things okay again. for now, they can deal with it themselves fi they want to. but since theyr'e so damn stubborn to give in at least ONE inch, they can stuff it all they want for all i care. right now....all i want is for each of them to get over it any which way possible but i give up tryign to help it. -
{.__.}
2003-05-01 16:05:51
Lonely Day
by Phantom Planet
I could tell from the minute I woke up
It's gonna be a lonely lonely
lonely lonely day.
Rise and shine rub the sleep out of my eyes
And try to tell myself I can't
go back to bed
It's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day.
Even though the sun is shining down on me and I should feel about as happy as
can be
I just got here and I already want to leave
It's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day
Everybody knows that something's wrong
But nobody knows what's going on
We all sing the same old song
When you want it all to go away
It's shaping up to be a lonely day
I could tell from the minute I woke up it's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely
lonely day.
[and so they all leave me...-_-]
==================================
Bother
by Stone Sour
Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
[Solo: Corey]
Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries
And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I'll never live down my deceit
[3619] -
{.__.}
2003-04-29 22:08:26
yesh....its all unfair....its all confusing....its all in the dark....
i think i'll shut up now....muffle that voice inside of me....sshhhh...dont' speak...you'll only cause me pain...
what good does it do to me?....everyone is hurting and its all my fault...
sshhh.....don't speak.....=
¯__¯ just make me forget...i need to forget....><;
JOURNAL: priuscomet
Current server time: Jul 19, 2025 08:41:05