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I love him for his talent, but actually I hate him xD
2012-01-06 19:00:00
Do you know somebody who looks perfect and good on every photo you take of them? I'm none of them. Paul, a good friend and "my" actor is one of those guys. That's why I hate him, but you got to love him if every frame of your movie looks just awesome! =)
Today we met up with some other friends and discussed some new music video ideas. One of them needs more work to get more interessting, the other one is actually pretty good. I hope we pick that up.
I'm finally finishing the final touch on Dissonanc. Yes it finaly gets it's form with which I'm perfectly fine to release it. It makes me a bit melancholic. It's my first short move. Some sort of own nemesis, monster or moloch that I created. My new PC system is a massive help to finish it properly, but it's still immensive ressource hungry. It's just that I had many challenges this year and all overcome them. That were some huge steps for me! My next short movie project will be probably the challenge of my life. If I pull it of properly, I will ensure that it will be totaly amazing. I promise!
The winds of change are blowing. Everything progresses and moves on. Today one of my good friends told me that he quit his long year (4.5 years) relationship. There is just a lot of stuff going on here. Not only negative stuff. I think this defines living to some point: You're not passive. You react on changes and stuff that happens. Somebody said that 90% of our personality and life is about how you react on stuff that's happening. That could be easily true.
OH! I also have a new AMV that I really like, but I don't think that it wouldn't have any value to most of you. Just because the song is on German and it heavily works on lyrics, but it makes me hungry to create a new vid. -
Women are strange? At least sometimes....
2011-12-30 21:53:19
So no progress between me and my interest, because of... eh why?
It seams like everytime my heart gets broken, I rise up like a phoenix and come again as a much greater person and right now... I feel like a great person. I totally like myself. I think I'm great. I'm not arrogant, I have a great self esteem now. Probably I'm not everybodies' taste, but that's okay.
Ah yeah! Me and my interest. What happened so far? Nothing. Like really nothing. Oh it seams to get less and less, like she's lost interest in me very quickly and abrupt. I obviously can't understand why.
There is nothing that seamed to have changed for me, beside that I find more and more stuff that we have in common and we get along better and better. It's obvious for my working mates that we should be a couple, because they ask about it.
For me it's clear: There are feelings and I want to know her much better and deeper (no dirty pun intended....).
For her: "Just friends. I'm just picky."
Aha? That's the part that confuses me! First she obviously wanted to do something with me together and now not. All that changed is that we get along better and better.
Was it my attitude? No! She obviously likes my attitude, humor and crazy (or not so normal) character.
Is it my physical appearance? maybe not so much something... She already saw me like I am in the first place. Do I look attractive? I think so! Am I overweigth? Oh sure, but not that much. It's hard to judge yourself, but for god's sake I'm not one ugly hunchback!!!
I don't want to a completely copy of myself, but I would be happy if I had somebody with my characteristics. There is so much positive about me.
Stop confusing me! UGH... If women wanted assholes, douchebags and dicks that treat them like shit. Go ahead! No one is stopping you, but I try to be none of them.
Best way to get over someone? Find a new one! The problem? Not getting the same feelings back. Rejection! Yay.... as if I'm not used to it... hahaha. Life is a dramadie. -
Caligula eats Helix alive.
2011-12-29 19:33:07
So Caligula is the name of my new editing rig and boy this thing is a friggin' beast! It renders at least 10 times faster than Helix, my old editing system (which is a beasty laptop).
When I render a full HD video with all effets (color correction + high pass sharpening), I still only render with 25% of cpu. Why? because my graphic card does the rest *g*
Though I still needed 10 hours for this 55 minute long video for a friend. On the other hand my old system would have needed at least 100 hours of rendering time.
In the end I spent playing an emulation of Metroid Prime 1, upscaled to full HD with antialising and stuff, during rendering. This is really really sick...
Meet the specs of Caligula:
i7 3930k @ 6x3.2Ghz
Nvidia GTX 480 3GB
24GB @ 6x4GB Corsair Vengence RAM
120GB Corsair Vertex 2 SSD
1TB Western Digital Black Caviar HDD
Since I was so fast with working on videos today, I should reconsider if there is really no time for an AMV in 2012. In the end I have to produce a short movie again this year beside some other projects. -
RANT!
2011-12-24 17:51:30
People can be so dumb and easily impressed:
"OH hey look there is an app that does all this super awesome effects on my Iphone!"
IT'S A FUCKING APP THAT PASTES PRERENDERED FOOTAGE OVER THE TOP OF YOUR VIDEO!
Those videos just have a well keyed out alpha channel that is all. You guys are all so... ARGH!!!! -.-'
"But it's made on a phone!"
BULLSHIT! Those phones have friggin dual cores with at least 1GB RAM.
Argh you guys really make me mad as f****
Hohoho Merry Christmas and stuff =/ -
I'm sad now
2011-12-12 20:22:54
I just came back from my work's xmas party and I feel sad now. We played karaoke and the last song was "Missing You".
It reminded me about how little control we have about some stuff. It's almost like breaking up with my ex. There just are things that you can't control. I have to quit my job and move to another city to get my dreams done. I have to leave all my friends at work behind me. It hurts and makes me sad.
Oh and me and my special female coworker? Things tend to get more and more complicated. I seam to develop some serious feelings and I don't like this at all. I'm not a 13 year old guy who falls in love because of hormones. That's not who I am. I have control over my guard, about who I let into me. Now I don't have it. I get more and more vulnerable. I can't stand this!
It's anxiety. It's me against my shyness. It's me against anxiety. It's me fighting against my own fears for what I really want. Things are just much easier when you get some sort of affirmation when you're "on the hunt". And since I'm bad at reading women's language I'm screwed.
So what does it mean: "Oh I don't have a boyfriend. It's not like I don't meet any guys, I'm just very picky."
Does that mean:
"Sry, but I'm just not into you."
"Hey. I like you, fight for me!"
"Hey. I'm just picky."
UGH! I hate this. I'm in no way perfect and that what gives me lower self esteem here. Come on! A girl that recognizes "The Ministry Of Silly Walks" and has "Dr. Strangelove Or How I learned To Love The Bomb" is just right what I want. Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme!
My coworker gives me an headache. She seams like flirting to him, but he is younger, has a girl friend and doesn't want her. Yet they still do stuff together that I would love to do! Like going to the movies and stuff....
If this is trial, this better be a big win. Oh wait I'm a cynic person: This will probably be a huge fail. But I will go down, waving my flag!!!
Stop giving me a hard time. I would be really happy without it.
JOURNAL: Bauzi (Bernd Schäffer)
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