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it's a day of life...........this is part of it
2003-10-05 02:50:50
I am just going to start out by posting my livejournal entry from noon today. It's a pretty accurate slice of how I felt. note: 'the Sneak' was the name of one of my guinea pigs, one of the babies.
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The sneak has had a problem with weight all his 2 and a half months of life. He ate, but didn't retain weight...he didn't seem ill though he never really seemed healthy.
He was born June 13th and he died this morning, October 4th.
Today is my birthday
and the irony hurts so much...I tried to save him, I was up all night. The part that hurts the most is fact he seemed fine and then all of a sudden....guinea pigs are cruel. They are so social, they grow on you and live short lives. It's cruel for both of us.
mood:heartbroken
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That was my birthday morning. I was up from 4 am until 8:30 trying to save the Sneak. Flint, that was the sweet little pig you liked. I don't get my first paycheck until next Friday, and he was scheduled to get a visit to the vet. He was eating even though he didn't gain. He didn't have the mites Fred had, he never scratched but I didn't know it was going to take him like that...he was fine all of an hour before he just shrugged and wouldn't hold up his own head.
I tried feeding him fruit juice since he wouldn't chew for me, and he drank it but still shrugged and loosened him muscles. I know what happens when an animal dies, I have held many dying baby rabbits just like this. I kept telling him how he couldn't do this to me on my birthday.
I was crying for both of us and scared he would die but hoping he wouldn't.
AT 8 am he perked up and started to eat some lettuce I shredded for him. I have also been around death long enough to know this part can fool you. In humans and animals, they seem to be dying then all of a sudden clear up, in humans on their death beds, sometimes even the most far gone patients can seem to remember and think suddenly. It looks like improvement but the body is just entering the final stage before death.
Well, it fooled me...I wish I had stayed up with him for the next hour, but I layed down to rest and fell alseep for an hour and a half. When I woke up, he had just passed away. I held him and cried for a great deal longer than I think I have for any other pet I have ever had. I feel so guilty I didn't find a way to borrow some money to take him to the vet. He was a little deformed on the outside on one side of his head...I don't know if the inside was the same and the reason he was always so thin. His mom and brother have access to the same bowls and carry plenty of weight.
:(
After that, well my family had planned a cookout for me. They were unsure what to do and so was I. I just didn't feel like doing much...I held him for awhile after he died, until he stiffened, reluctant to put him into a box until I could see he was gone for sure. I guess I am like that....he isn't coming back but I can't put him away until I knew it for sure...
I slept for a couple hours, took a shower and then spent sometime looking at the decorations Kevin put up for me. They were all purple, my favorite color. I had a cake with my name written in purple as well...we left it untouched and all the decorations up until tomorrow (well, today the 5th) and we are going to try to that over again.
I got to open my presents though...Kevin got me a gold bracelet.
It was late in the day by then but we still decided to go to Gameworks to try and cheer me up. I got to try DDR for the first time. I actually enjoyed it on the big dance pad...I played some familiar amv tracks off the list. I passed all three beginner level stages. I drove in the Indy 500...as well as snowboarding on a lifesized snowboard...though it was all VR on arcade machines.
It was pretty fun considering the circumstances....Kevin and I went to the Subway we ate at on our first date. That was interesting, remebering how weird and nervous we had acted the last time we sat there....we went to the same booth of course.
On the way home, I felt better and I talked about it and let off some thoughts... that helped me out....I know that death is as much apart of life as being born already but...when death happens before your eyes and on your birthday like this...the irony is pretty overwhemling. But even though I don't believe in any religion ( I know peopel like to think their pets go on somewhere) The Sneak got in a pretty good life. He was loved and treated much better than most guinea pigs...he got to play in the grass almost 2-3 times a week for the past month. He got to try a cupcake...he had a sweet tooth. He knew me, he knew the sound of the front door and would start talking when he heard someone come in. He was happy and I'll comfort myself with that. He purred when I pet him and got lots of affection. I will miss him a lot though....
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gloomy
2003-10-02 23:16:08
I have been working this week at the Harry and David distro/warehouse again. Again as in did it last year but it pays really well. It's not a hard job and it pays well so I have little to complain about.
The stuff that bothered me wasn't really about work. It was someone I work with. Anyone who has ever worked in a factory setting knows the kind of folks who work there. Mostly older folks, men and women who are nice but on the uneducated side. A lot of them are even grandparents.
So it was shocking to see one of my coworkers go past my labeling station sobbing and crying. I asked her what was wrong and I could barely understand her but 2 other women near me walked over as she grabbed up her things and said a friend of hers who was like a sister to her had just been murdered.
It was chilling to think about it. I really couldn't say anything. One of the other women told her to sit in her car before driving anywhere because of how upset she was. I had never seen someone react to a murder before...I couldn't feel her pain but I could see it and I could feel the injustice of it all. No one has the right to take something they can't replace...a life...no one.
We were all pretty quiet after she left and I was mired in thought for a long time. I can't help but feel mankind deserves to clock out on the Earth's timecard when it can so easily clear it's conscience of killing another human. There is no justification. I just wish we could change....I can so understand Val Gaav's poit of view from Slayers Try it's scary. But I don't think it's worth wiping out the good with the bad. I just wish people could understand and stop hurting each other like this... -
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2003-10-02 04:03:54
it's 5 am...
dvd drive....in it's death throes....
not...much time....must smash dvd drive to feel better....er...I mean to put it out of it's misery....
ripping for my latest video is obviously giving me problems. I think it's the dvd drive, the disc has worked fine before, looks perfect even now and yet it keeps skipping like it's running into cracks and scrapes.
The ultimare worst part is that the area it won't rip is ESSENTIAL to the amv.
X p
isn't it always the way.... -
that's pretty cool...
2003-09-21 20:44:01
There was a guy on Law and Order tonight with a Trigun/Vash shirt on....neat ^_^
Went to a weenie roast bonfire last night. It was fun. It was at a horse farm that adopts and restoes the health of mistreated horses. I had a kitten for a companion the majority of the night....couldn't take it home with me :( They offered, and I would have loved to...but a kitten won't live in a cage like the guinea pigs and I have enough pets as it is. Two pigs are more than enough.
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The Hurricane is nearly here....
2003-09-18 20:53:13
And my feet are planted firmly in Ohio.
Never thought I'd see the day...but this is pretty cool.
Well no, it's not here yet. I am pretty excited though. The rain just now began, softly. I went out to catch a few drops and feel the wind in my hair. I tried testing the air to see if it smelled like the ocean, but it did not....Isabel has blown away the traces of autumn that were just starting to accent the breeze. And the wind, even though it's cool and strong, it's lost the chill I have been noticing the past week.
Ohio doesn't feel or smell like Ohio.
^_^ pretty cooool
The sunset tonight was incredible. The sun of course sets in the west, and the hurricane is coming from the east. On it's own, it's odd to have an eastern storm here. But the long arms of Isabel was throwing stratus clouds into the sky in long and beautiful strips of bright pink, orange and red. It was unlike anything I am used to.
Being Ohio, we'll miss out on the good stuff. I know some people might think of this as being an unusual way to look at the storm...it does cause destruction. But being humans, we have such a short time here and when we go...we're gone. To experience such a powerful (albeit to us) show of nature's force is just incredible in my opinion. I'll take the good with the bad and soak up as much experiences as I can while I am a waking resident of the planet. ^____^
JOURNAL: MistyCaldwell (Misty Caldwell)
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