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2003-01-15 10:36:33
Reading my previous entry to this one, I've decided that sometimes, I need to just lighten the hell up and not worry so much about finding "someone". Frankly, if every relationship has as much baggage and heartache as the one I just got out of, then I think I'd rather be by myself for the rest of my life, thank ye verra much laddie.
Or maybe Angel was just too dependant and clingy. She doesn't seem to be able to exist without "someone" to be there for her. She's already seeing another guy, and talking about moving in with him after knowing him for all of four days (this is what I've heard from a mutual friend who is pretty reliable AFAIK). I feel I should say something to her, because I don't want her to get hurt again, but it's her life and her choices, and she most likely would attribute my concern to jealousy (I probably would...)
Bleah. Depressing shit. On to better topics.
The VCAs are coming up!! Yea!!
I think that over this past year, my videos have gotten progressively better and better. Nothing spectacular in and of themselves, but progressively improving. I don't suck quite as much as I did when I started back in January.
2002 is the year I debuted as an AMV editor. This has been my first year of AMV making. I'm glad I found this hobby, as I enjoy it immensely. I realize that I do not have much of a video prescence, as I have only had one video this year that I feel was worthy of con competition (it didn't even place...) and my others I plan to enter in to cons this year (one to ACEN because it's close and I MAY go, and another to Otakon because I plan to go). Not many people have seen my work, as evidenced from the small amount of reviews I have, but I am hoping that when my name shows up on the nomination sheet of creators who debuted in 2002, I at least get nominated for Best New Creator. Even getting nominated would make so so deliriously happy. But, odds are I won't, because there's a bunch of people who are better at this than I am. I know SpPanda debuted this year. Hell, he's probably a lock for Best New Creator. I don't expect to win, or even be noiminated. It'd be nice if I did get nominated, though...
Well, I know I'll get at least one vote. I can vote for myself, right...?
I'm so screwed. ;)
Best of luck to all in the VCAs!!! -
Key the Metal Idol. Very interesting series.
2003-01-09 12:52:47
I just finished watching Key the Metal Idol. Very interesting and surreal series, wonderful character designs, and an interesting and unique concept. After seeing this series and Perfect Blue, I have decided that I really like Junko Iwao, the seiyuu behind Mima from PB and Key from KtMI. She handles the characters nicely, and has wonderful vocal expression and emotional emphasis. She manages to sound so fragile it could break your heart, and yet it carries an undercurrent of resolve that will carry her through the tough times.
In other news, I feel like crap today for reasons completely unrelated to the fact that I realized just how bad I am for my girlfriend, and that I need to get her away from me since she would never be truly happy with me, and I think I've managed to get her so mad at me that she won't possibly forgive me this time.
Maybe I'm too selfish. Yeah, I am. I don't always think of other people's needs first. Not when it's important. Bleah. I've spent my entire life up to this point concerned with being a good person, a nice guy. I'm really sick of it to be honest. I hate being so nice. Whenever I want to do one thing and someone else wants to do another, I always just do their thing. I'm sick of not doing what I want to do. And I'm especially sick of people taking me for granted and just assuming that I'll jump to it when they ask for something.
Maybe I need to be more selfish. Or maybe I'm selfish enough as it is just for wanting that. Regardless, I know that Angel would never be happy with me. Not when I'm a cheap-ass around money (more so with others than for myself, though) and she likes shopping and buying nice clothes and nices things. She wants the big house with the nice things, I want the small, simple house that I can take care of myself.
I really don't know to be honest. I'm pretty much playing it by ear and trying to do what I think is best for her. I've shown her time and again that when push comes to shove, I don't think of her first. I think of me. Plus, she has codependancy issues, and she loves me to death, which means she's miserable without me. I dunno. I'm not sure how I convinced her that I felt she didn't love me, I certainly don't remember saying that, but it works. She needs to get away from me and learn to depend on herself more than others. And not be with someone who doesn't put her first above all others.
I suppose everyone is a selfish bastard when it gets right down to it.
Meh.
I'm probably going to wind up bitter and alone and fucking wallscrolls like MrOni. But at least she'll be with someone who can be ther for her.
God, I'm so melodramatic sometimes. I need to lighten up.
::pops in NieA_7 vol. 2:: - 2003-01-04 23:00:55 Ok. I have 140 clips to encode into HuffYuv files for the Lain video. However, because I am a lazy bastard, I am going to put it off for now and focus on my DDR Project video. Originally, I wanted to do an SMJ video, but I've now decided to take the opportunity to do that various anime mindless action video I've had in my head for the past two months but never really did. Hopefully, I can make it work. If not, I have plenty of time to find a concept that works better. But I'm crossing my fingers for this. ^_^
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2003-01-02 23:53:02
Ugh. Ugh. UGH!!
The only thing making this dredgery worthwhile right now is the deliciousness of Pablo Honey (soon to be OK Computer) playing on my comp as I subject myself to this crap.
What I am doing is cutting D2V projects of every damn clip I want to use in my new video. I am also making avs scripts for each d2v. Originally, I wanted to make avs' of each DVD in Lain for source files, but moving through the huge files for clips proved to be slow and annoying, so I decided to make a bunch of small avs' and import those. Halfway through, I tried importing what I had and it turns out that I don't have enough memory for that many avs files. So, I am making d2vs of clips and avs' so I can IVTC before editing (to make the video smoother, I want to move to avis, but I haven't had much luck with post-editing IVTCing), which means I am now looking at encoding more than 100 video clips into huffyuv files I can actually manage to import and use.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn.
It's the encoding that's going to be a bitch and a half.
I will hate this.
Ugh -
HAPPY 2003!! -_-
2003-01-01 20:41:46
I just got back from Chicago, where I spent New Years with my girlfirend. It was a blast, Navy Pier is beautiful at night with the fireworks.
A new year, filled with potential and possibilities...
Which will probably become the same old crap... ^_^
Happy New Year!!
JOURNAL: Chaos Angel (Dave Warren)
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