JOURNAL: Chaos Angel (Dave Warren)

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  • Tidbits of Chaos Angel goodness 2003-03-25 02:10:27 I am going to be sooooo lucky to get this film-production project done on time. My illness of bullshit-itis means I am always doing things at the last minute, because I apparently would rather waste my time doing nothing. This time, however, it's reaaaaally bad, because I need to shoot and mail the thing off tomorrow, Wednesday at the latest, and have it editted and ready to go next Wednesday.

    God.

    I was originally going to do a mockumentary featuring a girl doing nature worship rituals and quarter-staff combat forms that I would make up with voice-overs describing what she was doing and what it meant (all fictious, mind you), but I didn't like how the idea had no real ending or focus. In my head, it was rather bleah.

    My next idea came to me when I was feeling massively depressed over my busy-ass two years that I will be having for the last two years of college. It was essentially a mood-piece intended to incite feelings of near-suicidal depression in people.

    I tried to come up with ideas for audio clips, but couldn't really make myself record any of them because I didn't want to scare people out in the hall or next door to me by screaming a bunch of suicidal crap.

    Just today, I got the idea I am going to go with. It's perfect because I don't have to really edit it too much. It's just one long take synced with dialogue. To get an idea of what I am going to be doing, here is the text that will be at the end of the film project.

    "This short film brought to you by the Association for Not Parodying the FLCL Manga Sequence. Be more original, you talent-less hacks."

    I may even get it digitized and place it on the web if I can find a place to host it. I like this idea a lot and I hope it comes out how I see it in my head. ^_^

    Now, I just need to make my voice sound like two different people, record the dialogue tomorrow, edit it together with Last Dinosaur (if you have to ask why,m you need to watch more FLCL ^_^)

    I seem to do some of my best work, or at least get my best ideas, when the deadline is rising fast, after procrastinating for-fucking-ever, or when I am near-psychotically depressed. I hope this isn't the beginning of a trend for my whole life...

    ^o^ 
  • 2003-03-23 15:57:56 I watched the Oh My Goddess movie today.

    Wow. Just... wow. Very powerful ending, nice visuals. I really liked it, although there are a few things I don't quite get, most likely because I haven't read much of the manga (like, what were the angels thart came out of Belldandy, Urd, and Skuld's backs?). But, as a whole, the movie was very powerful and I really liked it. 
  • 2003-03-22 14:16:41 I got back from the gym today. My arms are sore, and I seem to be making a bunch of typos. I'm fixing them before posting this, but trust me, they are there. I workwed my legs and arms, and my arms particularly feel sore (I've never had very good upper body strength, but I walk everywhere, so I have pretty good legs, but my arms are tiiiiiiired.). My stomache feels like I could have done a bit more with it, though. I should try to focus on burning down my fat gut.

    In other news, I think I am beginning to see in Angel what I didn't see when I was dating her. This is not a good thing. I mean, whn this semester began, she said she wanted to remain friends, but then started intentionally avoiding me, and generally making it obvious that she was uncomfortable around me. I was fine with that, it hurt, but I knew it would be better for both of us. Then, Thursday she comes in smiling and talking about her best friend from Chicago is coming to visit her. I was glad she felt comfortable enough to talk to me normally again, and even though it still kind of hurt to be around her (see previous entry), I decided to try to make an effort talk with her as friends.

    Then it came. She asked if she could borrow my car to run some errands, like get Felicia's train ticket. I shrugged it off and said sure. She said she'd get the keys back to me at 6:30, when I would be back from class.

    It was 9:00 when she got them back. She apparently wanted to get ready, and decided to just give the keys to me later. Didn't even try my door, I was in all night.

    She asked again on Friday, about 8:00 or so. Came in panicking and frantic, saying that Felicia had gotten into town, and was waiting at the station, and she needed the car again. 20 minutes max, she said.

    Then, after 20 minutes, she calls and says that she was taking Felicia to get something to eat because she wasn't feeling well. No big, I figure. I say sure (like I could tell her no anyway at that point).

    They got back at 3 in the morning. No, she didn't bother to TELL me they were going to drive all over town, and it never even occured to her that I might want to do something that night (I had to miss a weekly DDR showcase at the local arcade because I had no car.) The least she could have done is call to say she was going to be out all damn night. I'm not even sure she would have given my me keys back today if I hadn't knocked on her door this morning and asked for them.

    Maybe I'm being a bit selfish, but it pisses me off that she ignores me for two months, acting very uncomfortable in my prescence and glancing to the other side whenever she sees me coming, then comes in smiling and laughing and asking to borrow my car, not even bothering to get it back when she says she will, or even calling to say she needs to keep it until 3 AM.

    Ok, so I'm being a tad self-centered. Still, I just think it's tacky to all but totally ignore someone for two months, then act all friendly and normal when you need something from them. The worst part is, I think she expected me to say yes. I HATE it when people just assume I'll say yes! I most likely will if they ask me to help them, but that isn't the point. I have no problem helping people, but why do some people seem to think that I HAVE to do anything for them? I don't owe her anything.

    Aaaaaarrgghh.... quit yer bitchin' Dave. >_<

    I suppose it bugs me the most that she seemed to expect a specific answer out of me. I hate expectations. They're the surest path to disappointment.

    Meh. 
  • 2003-03-20 20:02:14 She came in to talk to me today.

    My brain wouldn't shut up.

    I know we are no longer together, and that getting back together or doing anything even remotely close to it is a very, VERY bad idea, for both of us. But, still... I can't look at her without wanting to grab her. Without wanting to hold her. Without wanting to touch her, kiss her, rip off her clothes, and...

    I'm gonna stop right there.

    She said she was going to live in a differnt section of the campus next year. Honestly, I'm rather glad. I can't look at her without simultaneously wanting her so much it hurts, remembering how bad we would be for each other in the long run, and remembering all the times I fucked up and hurt her. She seems to be happy now, though. I'm glad for that. She deserves some happiness in her life. But I still think about her alot. I still want her. To hold her and kiss her and... other things.

    God, I'm a fucking pervert...

    Oh, well. I figure, by the time next semester comes around, Ill most likely be over her. It's pretty much just seeing her around all the time, wanting her, and knowing that we can't be together again as we were. Too much has happened for that to ever be a possibility. For the best, really. We would have made each other miserable in the long-run.

    Meh. Why am I still griping about it?

    ...I need vodka.

    That's a joke. 
  • 2003-03-19 14:22:49 I've decided that I should probably hold off on the web-comic idea for awhile. I just got out of my advisement meeting with my guidance counselor, and I am going to be veeeeerrrrry busy these next two semesters. In order to make the minimum graduation requirements, I need 66 credit hours, which equals out to 16.5 hours per semester. 29 of those are elective classes.

    I hate this. I hate school. I hate the stress of homework. I am getting better at not panicing when faced with stressful situations (i.e., I internalize it more and don't freak out as much), but I hate it. Ya know, I never really wanted to go to college, really? I just knew I had to in order to learn the skills I would need. It's not something I wanted to do; it's something I had to do. So, I joined the military to pay for it. Not because I wanted to or believed in it, but because I had to to get what I wanted.

    If it weren't for the fact that I would be going through two more years of the military for nothing, I mighty even drop out of college. Probably just my currently depressed mood talking,. but right now, what I want more than anything else is to just escape this. Go somewhere, get a job, start making my own life. Save up some money for equipment and maybe start up a free-lance graphics shop. Not have this constant fucking crap hanging over my head.

    Naaaaawwwwwww, I'm just depressed and pissed. Life's gonna be stressful and sucky no matter where I go or what I do. I may as well suffer through this shit and at least try to follow my dream of working in, and maybe even making, animation.

    One other reason I decided to postpone the web-comic idea is because I do not feel the art is good enough for it. I am thinking of experimenting some more, maybe do it in pencil rather than pencil then inking it. I like the crispness of ink, but my inking skills are horrible, and I like the subtlety of pencils in either event. But, not now. I really have too much coming up to consider starting a long-term project like a web-comic. Maybe when I get out of college. Hell, who knows, I could use the story I am writing for the comic in a short film? Or an actual, animated film, once I get through with this crap. Who the hell knows?

    But, as to teh horridness of the art, I am going to take a drawing class next year to fill some of my elective credits. I never should have dropped the two art classes (one drawing class and one graphic design class) in my freshmen year. Ok, maybe the design class, I hated it, but I should have stuck with the drawing class. I hated it, it was so restrictive, but my drawings are so flat and uninteresting. I need to take a drawing class to help improve my drawing skills and styles. So, yeah, I am taking introduction to drawing next semester. I also wanted to take a beginning Japanese class to fill another elective slot, but every time slot for that class conflicted with the labs for other classes that I need for my major.

    Dammit...

    My current plan is to fill out several scholarship forms and stockpile some money so I can take elective classes over next summer between my junior and senior years, and maybe lighten my load during the normal semesters.

    Damn electives... ISN'T THE CORE SHIT FUCKING ENOUGH? WHY SO MANY FUCKING ELECTIVES?!?!?!?!

    I hate this place.

    Fuck this.

    AaaaaaaaAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

    ::stress::

    I'm gonna lay on my bed hugging my pillow for a while, now.

    Don't laugh, I'm serious.



    ...Stop laughing...


    ::sniff:: 
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