- See, geting this shit down kinda helps. 2002-12-16 11:41:59 Note to self: Rach will never like me like that. NEVER! get it. Remeber that. Allways remeber what happend here, you must never need anyone it this wat agane. never agane.
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To me, coming from you.
2002-12-16 11:32:24
(this is gonna be a big one so good luck to ya)
First some lyrics to show the mood over here:
To me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.
End is the only part of the word
That I heard.
Call me morbid or absurd.
But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.
To me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.
End is the only part of the word
That I heard.
Call me morbid or absurd.
But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.
When I go fishing for the words
I am wishing you would say to me,
I'm really only praying
That the words you'll soon be saying
Might betray the way you feel about me.
But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.
Anyhoo, i was talking to Rach last night at it crashed. You see, all this time i've been thinking that she did like me and that she just wasn't ready for a dude. Well, it turns out she just doesn't like me in that way and hasn't for a long time, i've just wanted her to like me so much that id fooled myself into thinking that there was still a chance. Im glad she's not gonna call tonight, becuse i can handle it right now. The problem is that she calls me all the time, dont get me rong, i like talking to her, she is very funny and kind and understanding, but that is the problem. She is too damn good, i can't get over her. I just havent got the balls to tell her not to call me, i mean, how nasty is that? I can't put into words how much she means to me, and thats why i must give her up. If i dont, i'll become obsesed, and just a pain. I know it over, there is nothing left there, it can happen and besides, i was far to dependant on her and i told her way to much about me, probly sacred her off, like all the others. These thorts dont make it any easyer (and this is not a dig, im not trying to make anyone upset by this).
I've allway tryed to understanded what Rach when though, i think i know. When you lose someone, there is allways the chance that they'll come back to you, but if they bat for the other side (sorry, a bit blunt) then you have to exept that they will never come back. Someone once said that Rach is a cosed book. That person did not only have no clue that kind of person she is, but also destoryed a perfictly nice persons sol. If i want i can blame all this on him, i fact one of my first thorts where is take him out, but now im just wishing he'll get canser and die in slow pain. How nice am i?
Today was hard, but unlike some i know, i cant stand pitty. I allways deal with my shit, i dont mind talking to others, but they all have there own stuff and compairing my problems to others is a thing i hate, everyone (well mabe not everyone) seems to have it worse than me, as if some of them enjoy being the most hard done by.
More lyrics:
Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
[Solo: Corey]
Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries
And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I'll never live down my deceit
These lyrics have no baring on me, it just what im liserning to right now. Just so you know.
If you wanna talk about any of your shit, then MSN me (gingergouki@hotmail.com) Despite me very depressed nature right now, im actualy very good at helping. Good day to you.
Ginger "I won't let go 'til it bleeds" Gouki
=( -
Friend is a 4 letter word
2002-12-15 11:24:35
Well, Kagami has done it agane. Me + him finshed (in the early hours of this morning) his latest creation. Jin Roh to "Freak On A Leash" by Korn. This is an epic video with some very nasty bits and im very browed to have worked with Kagami in the making of this video. I wish you all could see it but we back on the hunt for web space agane so i dont know when the download will be up.
Well it was a good weekend, just me and Kagami chill'in, playing games, geting footage and makin the twisted kick ass AMV. Good time. Other than that nothing realy happend. Im still going to NYC for X-mas to stay with my dad, its gona be good. Becuse im not gona be at home next sunday, my mum has cooked the bigest pice of beef you've ever seen. And im gonna eat it all! :D
Im a bit tired, so im not gonna write much, but if u wanna MSN me, ur more than wecome.
Ginger "AMV's, the only way to lose 2 days in the blink on an eye" Gouki
(for MSN : gingergouki@hotmail.com)
=) -
Well, i finaly gave in...
2002-12-13 10:57:17
yep, im now one with the masses. I have MSN messenger. Im gingergouki@hotmail.com so there. I'll put this on my profile. How sad am i ?
Ginger "now i on, none are about" Gouki
plz feel free to message me, im always up from an AMV chat or if life as given you a problem, im very good an helping (no shit!)
=) -
Yep THORTHER new vid
2002-12-13 08:02:39
Sorry i haven't writen anything in the last feu days, i been making a new video. Its called "The NeXt Page" and its X+X TV to Back To School by the Deftones.
Anyhoo, Rach got the present i bort her today, i gave her a little man that looks like her ninja master samurai fence building dad. I also wrote her a lettle (you know the one, were you try to prove how much you love someone) I would have liked to see her face when she got it but N8 dicided that he didn't want me to come with him (headed back to your old sckool, where most of my m8s are) so im stuck a home. He only dicided to tell me i couldn't go with him a 11o'clock last night, way to late to get another ride. I dont think he know how much this has got to me, I wanted to see Rach so badly, i mean, the guy had been telling me most of this week that i could get a ride with him. Its just like him to do this. I was gonna go into midhurst had buy Rach some flowers (co'z i want to) but no, he had to be feicle.
We'll, i was realy depressed today, but Rach just txt me saying she got the stuff and liked it so im feeling better, but i realy wanted to see her, and everyone else. im definatly gonna get people cool stuff from the states (but i might forget a feu people *wink wink*). Well, i do hope everyone who reads this is well, and im very sorry to all at Midhurst, i did want to see you all, but N8 had other plans. I will make a point of coming to see everyone when i get back.
Ginger "missing all the old school people" Gouki
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