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On the come down...
2004-02-12 13:17:31
When you have a good day, no matter how good theres allways gota be a come down and right about now thats where i am.
I'll talk later, gona make some cool Zombie Powder Logos for Larry.
Later - //_^ 2004-02-04 13:07:33 Skating dose a world of good.
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Samurai
2004-02-03 13:19:24
I was reading Sara B's journal and i realy wanna dive in and start on who-ever is being mean to her. As an outsider in the AMV comunity, and genaraly disliked for a number of resons, i know what its like (kinda).
I've also taken shit in the past for what i've writen in my journal, so im not allway completly honest any more, witch i doesnt i help i dont think.
Today Em's said: "Theres a hole side to you i dont know and i dont like it!"
She's right. I just i spend all my time trying to hide that part of me, the problem is my new group. There all very big on 'be yourself", but what if today my old self stated coming back? I had to try so hard to supress it that i couldnt think stait, i couldnt even jump properly and without my tricks and shit, im not realy left with much.
If i lose, ether i'll just have to leave collage, or our group will disbanden. I doubt they'll split.
To change the subject, im sick of taking shit coz of who i am. Im a man, so i get to hear how much of a bastard i am and how i sleep around. Im amrican and prowd of it, so of corse i have to be told how stupid i am and how i love war and want take over the world. FOR YOUR INFOMATION, no one asked me wether a war was a good idea, i didnt get a personal call asking me "Hey Will, think we should kill loads of people?".
Look at me, how pathetic, i cant say the things i want to so i write them here, i know no one comes here (that i know), so i guess i can say more of what i want, but thats not the point.
Truth be told, i want to talk to someone, but i keep alot from alot of people, so who can i be honest with? I cant pour my hart out if im not preped to tell the truth.
I say this more and more, this has nothing to do with my friends. I realy do think im built to self destruct.
My scar hurts. That means only one thing.
And they wonder why i lock myself away, today i was sittings there and i thort, if i whent out and killed a few people, id fine with that. I couldnt tho, not at the moment, gota find out how the story ends.
Im allways asked if im 'ok'. Every time i say im damn good, coz i dont wanna talk about it.
Wow, this has no struckture, its just as it comes into my head. Now im not sure about this, but i think Huw might have made a joke about the scar on my chest, i dont want know if he did or not, better that way.
Its the srangest felling, you want to be alone, but with someone.
After years of writing here, still no better.
-Ginger Gouki - And so the curcule continues.... 2004-02-02 17:39:22 Skate seson is back apon as. Im gona have to call The Fuzz tomoz....
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Im up for a Vamp game, OH WAIT, ITS NOT HAPPENING!!!!!
2004-01-31 22:46:51
Yep, Vamp is canceld.
Just Read thro Zombie Powder agane, its still the gratest story i've ever read, that might be becose of the sence of wanting left (due to the lack of a proper end). Its the poem at the end that allways strikes a cord.
Im in a very sane state of mind, thats why i love the night, i gives me a clear head.
Mabe i just shouldnt make any proper distions befor 12, it might stop me saying alot of retarded things. Here's my Q: How do people do it, proper 'relationships', now, i know this is just something i cant do, but this is costing me alot of people. Its a selfdestruct thing i recon, but hey who knows.
Look at me Ma, im being pittyfull!
But pitty is never what i want.
To challange myself (and stop the long drawn out wine'ing) i get only 5 more words from here:
Protect
Rose
Friends
Unknown
Rach.
-Ginger Gouki!
p.s. Give it up one more time for Zombie Powder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JOURNAL: Ginger Gouki (William Overgard)
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