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Another day gone by... #6 12/10/04
2005-05-15 01:37:01
Another dull day has practically begun and my crappy weekend has begun. damn, i hate it... Ironically, the other night, i had another dream or nightmare. i'm not sure how it all began but i was in the middle of a chaotic world. something horrible had happened to the world and people began to senselessly kill each other. It was sad as i watched the world's inhabitants kill each other... sadly, it wasn't a fake dream... humans already do kill each other for one single reason, "power". Greed for power will corrupt a good soul and turn it to Darkness...
I'm so tired. I'm tired of all of it. it's all too much for a normal person. but than again, i'm not a normal person...
today, i read through the few pages of oen of my past and failed journals. only about 5 pages and yet, it held so many pains and memories. In that journal, i was not careful and i wrote names and let out too much information. In This Journal, I don't use names. I haven't even used mine. Names are pointless but can hold so much hidden pain if spoken about...
~End~ -
Nightmares... yours... mine... The Diffrences... #5 12/9/04
2005-05-15 01:36:29
You'd think, "they're all the same...", no, not mine. my dreams were, still are, sad and dark. no sign of hope or no hints of light. this one dream i had, for instance, started off with me standing next to this black horse in some sort of autumn/spring weather with dark, but beautiful, roses surrounding me. I was than suddenly plunged into darkness as i began to fall, rapidly, through a dark and straight drop downwards. Suddenly, i landed, unharmed, with my horse standing as it were when we were on the surface. I mounted it and we began to ride through a darkened futuristic highway. We began to pick up speed as began to rapidly run from the growing darkness that seemed to be after us. As i rode, Dark Evil Blurrs began whirling around my horse and I. we Continued to ride on and on until i, and my horse, suddenly appeared on the top of this towering building that went too high for any human structure. i looked down and, from my horse, saw only darkness swallowing my vision. It was absolutely horrifying. My Horse suddenly reeled back on it's hind legs and i let out a long, pain-filled scream or roar... than my dream... my nightmare... life ended...
That's only one of the dreams that i expirence every night... but they get worse. i'm surprised to be as sane as i am now... but i'm not completely sane... the dreams tend to rub off on your mind and drive you think dark and grizzly thoughts of carnages, destruction and fire... that was over a year ago that i had that dream... Now, all that exists in my mind is Darkness and loneliness that haunts me even now...
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Warping Reality... #4 12/8/04
2005-05-15 01:35:52
Millions of people already knows this but, for times sake, i'd like to mindlessly babble about it for a moment...
Music, it changes one's mood and spirit in the single moment that the person is exposed to it. Metal music, for instance, gets your blood pumping, making you yearn for excitement and adventure. Classical music brings out a completely opposite side of us though. that, there, is a perfect example that music of all sorts each has it's own specific use...
In my own opinion, life is just a bunch of locked doors. music are keys to unlock them. music isn't the only thing that acts as a key though. emotions are keys, as well, in their own makings. multiple keys to unlock many things. memories. pain. sorrow. love...
Things are changing in life... your life... when it all starts and ends, i may not be among the living... i have another of my instincts kicking at my brain... i've been very cautious lately... it's always better to be safe than sorry... but, i feel, that is not the case... well, if death comes to me, i shall fearlessly embrace it with open arms and open eyes...
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As Normal As it can get... #3 12/7/04
2005-05-15 01:34:30
Nothing... the only word to describe what happened today. nothing out of the normal, which i find very unusual in my life... like they say, "The Calm before the storm can be the most soothing and yet terrifing..." Something bad is going to happen but none of my human senses or instincts can tell me "what" is going to happen...
Today, i just sat in my room, in darkness, and thought. i thought about so many things, i felt so many emotions... today must've been one of my "off" days where nothing feels right. where you feel misplaced. i couldn't seem to keep my throughts together, hell, i'm pretty disgruntled even now. My thoughts would wander, but now matter how far they wandered, her Angelic face would reappear in my head and all sorrow, pain, torment, regret and all others would be, instantly, washed away and only a beautiful moment of solace would remain... that's why i love her... she's my key to a sweet release... something that only death, itself, could bring...
"Sleep Brings Release,
And The hope Of a New Day,
Waking the Misery of Being without You..."
Song: The End of Heartache
Artist: Killswitch Engaged
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Love & Hope... #2 12/6/04
2005-05-15 01:33:45
Love is as tricky as a puzzle. that's why it is one of life's famous mysteries. i mean, love is so complicated. There's so many layers of love. Sexual. Mental. Physical. Fake. Real...
Hopes of love is what brings the pain and suffering. In her and my case, we hope to meet each other. it pains us to know, that when we each lay our heads to sleep, the thought that we may never meet. than that brings the tormoil of not being able to hold, look, or kiss the lover that feels so close in your heart but so far from your physical self...
I think it's actual love when the first thought in your morning is of your loved one and your last thought, before sleep, is of the same person. It is that, that drives people madly in love. The love that makes you weep and yearn to be with that person.
loves so confusing and tricky... i hate it... i hate it for what it does to you and your lover... i hate it because it's made me hurt and suffer in my heart... but... then again... that's why you need it... to realize what you hadn't a moment ago... a life time ago... An eternity ago...
~End~
JOURNAL: Gunnerblaster (Matt )
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