-
*Revives Theme* The late George Burns drives a Honda
2002-12-01 15:50:53
I swear! A few days ago I was driving to work, and a George Burns lookalike was driving a Honda Accord right behind me! AND HE WAS EVEN SMOKING A CIGAR!!!! *shocl* *Watches 'Oh My God!' movies*
Not much going on right now, I'm getting my act together with school and whatnot. I've gotten a lot more done of my new video, hopefully I'll have it finished by the end of this week (Don't get your hopes up) I've thought of the best intro for it.....but I'll never tell..../Don't Say A Word
Hmm....I just thought of something. I wonder if the new journals have HTML or BBS working. I think I'll try it.
[url=http://www.angelfire.com/weird/Rozard/images/dmsig.txt]Click here![/url]
<a href="http://www.angelfire.com/weird/Rozard/images/dmsig.txt">Click here!</a>
That'd be pretty cool if it works. Might as well give it a shot *shrugs*
Well, that's all I've got for now. I'm getting ready for work, so I'll see if I can't add something tonight. Peace!
Wearing: Half of my work clothes
Listening to: My mom yelling at me
Eating: Nothing at the moment
Going to: Take out the trash and go to work -
Pocky = comfort food
2002-11-27 11:28:06
I actually found a store nearby that sells Pocky. I know what I want as a stocking stuffer XD
bloody: You need to give things time. I know a week and a half may seem like a long time, but sometimes things take longer than that to resolve. When I was a junior, I asked a girl, a freshman, out and she said yes. She didn't talk to me for the next week. It's not like I never saw her either, I ate lunch with her and sat next to her in band class. Now, like your story, this one has a twist. The girl you like already has a boyfriend. Well, this girl is my best friend's younger sister. Eventually, everything was resolved, but I didn't get over my initial feelings for about a month. It's been three years and I still love her, but I've accepted that it wasn't meant to be. She has a great boyfriend, and we're still good friends. I know it seems horrible now, but just give it time. IM me when Iget back from work tonight, not like you wouldn't anyway ;^P
Well, I dealt with a lot of shit last night. I've been having problems in school, like not going to class and doing the homework. Now, I'm sure everyone feels this way, but I'm starting to realize the full extent of my ADD. I don't know why, but after I graduated from high school, my mind clicked and said "You're done with school." I don't really want to go to college, but I have to face the fact that, if I don't, I'll be stuck in a dead-end job the rest of my life, and I don't want that. Also, I feel like I have to do everything on my own, so I seems to end up alienating myself from others. I've been very depressed for the past month, although I haven't shown it. I don't think anyone could tell, except for my dad, who said he started noticing something was wrong about a week ago.
Damn it, I hate the fact that my dad's always right. I used to hate my dad with a passion because of his strictness. He's an engineer, and if anyone here has an engineer for a parent, they'll probably know what I'm talking about. Not only that, but because of his age and upbringing, he's different than most parents out there. My dad will be turning 57 in December, and his father was 49 when he was born.
Anyhow, you'd think that being depressed I'd think about suicide. I think the last time I thought about suicide - well, considered suicide - was in the fourth grade. Oddly enough, I've had thoughts of going into the military, or becoming a firefighter or something. But because of the medication I've taken (Ritilan, Dexadrine, Concerta) I can't hold a security clearence, or something like that. My dad rationalized that what I want is structure, and I agree with him. When I was in Miami last year, I was truly free for the first time. I had also been off my medication for about a year because I wanted to prove to myself and to others that I could do well without it.
Well, I should have been tipped off in my senior year of high school when I failed a quarter of Calculus. Don't get my wrong, it wasn't hard. I got As and Bs on the tests, but I never did the homework. My teacher would assign lessons like "#3-78 by 3s and 4s" for one section, and another would be"#1,3,7,9-12,16,21,23,etc." It would be the same problems over and over and over, and I rationalized in my head that if I knew the material, there was no need to labor over the endless homework. I also fell into a trap like this at Miami.
Miami was worse, though. While high school had structure (Go to class every day, do the work, everything's fine) college was just to free for my own good, and thus was my downfall. I stopped going to class, stayed up late a night (Mostly in the chat room and the phorum *Curses*) and would wake up at noon. My whole body had been thrown through a loop, and the worst part was I felt there wasn't anyone I could talk to. I feared talking to my parents, because I knew they wouldn't fully understand, and my dad would most likely hand me my ass. But, on the other hand, I felt horrible about the whole thing because I didn't want all this time and money my parents had invested in me to go to Miami to be wasted.
My girlfriend (at the time) kept saying reassuring things like "Just do the homework!" "Just go back to class!" and "Don't worry about it." I was also juggling a relationship that, in my current opinion, was very harmful to my well being. She was very indecisive and tedious, but craved decision and excitement. "What do you want to do?" was her rally cry, and nearly every suggestion was met with "Naaaaaah, I don't want to." I ended up spending most of my time with her. My day consisted of Waking up at noon, browsing the phorum, taking a shower at 2:30p, meeting up with my girlfriend, going somewhere with my girlfriend, eating dinner, spending the rest of my time with my girlfriend until about 10p or so when she went to bed, then going back to my room and getting in the chat room. I would also go biking for about an hour each night. That was usually the time where I would try and clear my mind of my worries, but it wasn't what I should have done; I should have tried to get help. I felt alone; I didn't know anyone at Miami, but as I said before, I seem to alienate myself, so I wasn't really looking for anyone. Besides, I hung out with my girlfriend all the time.
Well, I'm starting to crawl out of the hole I dug myself. I saw myself repeating the same thing I did last year, and I wanted to actually do something other than roll over and die. I don't know what it is, maybe I need to go to a doctor and be tested again. Last time I saw a psychiatrist was in the 4th grade, when I had thoughts of suicide. But don't worry, I'm not leaving. However, I may not be here every night like I have in the past. Fortunately, I have some Pocky as comfort food. Christmas is coming up, so I'll be able to get more done then. Hopefully my next post won't be so self-pitying. Or long ;^P
Peace!
*munch* *munch*
-
If anyone actually reads this...
2002-11-24 01:48:22
...than you shall be rewarded with a link to get my newest beta =O
From the beta, I'm sure you can guess what Anime/Music I'm using
http://www.angelfire.com/weird/Rozard/AMV/AMV.html
Have fun ;^D -
Another one....and this title has two meanings ^_^
2002-11-21 11:12:36
Yes, a double meaning title. Wow.
Anyhow, I received another opinion on "Kusanagi and The Dude" a few days ago from grayplague. I still haven't responded to it yet, but I will soon. Just be patient, Steve ;^) Twas a spectacular review!
The other meaning to my title is that I've gotten another friend watching Evangelion. That would make...*counts*...three. The other two have watched it all the way through, and Matt (The "new guy" :^P ) has watched FLCL, and is interested in watching Eva. Well, we watched the first two episodes last night before he had to go home.
Me: So, are you hooked yet?
Matt: Oh HELL yeah!
And there you have it! As for what I'm doing, I'm starting work on a new video for which I've *gasp* RIPPED MY FIRST DVD!!! =O It's going to be a miniAMV, only about 35 seconds or so. Hopefully I can get it done soon, but I have a lot of technical ideas for this video, and I need to make them work. This'll be a big learning experience. So far, I have to thank ErMaC, AbsoluteDestiny, Fluxmeister, Beowulf and Wonka. They've helped me so far (directly and indirectly) on this video. Oh yeah, my brother Eric and bloodyfang were crucial in the formation of this idea. My brother proposed the audio I'm using, and bloody the anime. They'll get a little thanks in there somewhere ;)
Well, time to waste away in the forums. Peace! -
Candid opinions
2002-11-18 09:22:37
I'm in my school library right now, and I'm letting someone watch "Kusanagi and The Dude."
"I like the movie," he told me. When he was done with the video, I asked him what he thought.
"Well, I like the movie," he replied.
^_^;;;;;;;
"Yeah, it's pretty cool," he said afterwards.
Nothing like frank critizism, which is why I urge you people to GIVE IT AN OPINION!!! :^P
/Shameless Plug
JOURNAL: Rozard (Brian Nickerson)
Current server time: Sep 20, 2025 23:29:44