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One hundred eighteenth entry - hey, that banner has Tohru in it...
2006-03-20 18:49:39
Time - 5:47, Noise - FFVII: AC OST - Tenrai (Divinity II)
Yeah, so it's another "weird requirement" opinion thread from me. Believe it or not, I'm not doing these things at random. There's a reason why I'm making lots of little threads. Maybe I'll let you all in on the reason someday. Someday...
http://www.animemusicvideos.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=65343
Get it while it's hot~!
- Jen -
One hundred seventeenth entry - In a week...
2006-03-19 22:41:27
Time - 9:24, Noise - REM - "Me in Honey"
Well, a week has passed since I last interacted with amv.org. Blame that on spring break. I can't take my computer home, and my brother monopolizes the one at home. I do get to use it from time to time, but usually I only have enough time to check my e-mail, skim the .org forums, and check to see if AFF is EVER going to get up and running again.
A week since I was able to listen to music without headphones...
A week since I was able to play Fatal Frame III...
A week since I could sing out loud...
A week since I could eat a meal that my mother did NOT plan...
A week since I had classes...
A week since I gave an opinion...
Yet another week since I received an opinion.
-_-
Whatever the case, I'm back again, with all of the uninspirational contempt I usually have. My mood has improved significantly over the course of the week, but it's still not enough to motivate me to start a video...or a fanfic. Then again, actually having a place to post my fanfics might aid in me writing them more avidly. Damn you, AFF; hurry up!
Anyway, I should go now. Don't know exactly what I'm going to do, but writing an entry is quickly becoming un-fun. See ya, folks.
- Jen -
One hundred sixteenth entry - @ Madbunny
2006-03-09 18:31:49
Time - 4:51, Noise - nothing
I would have included this in my last entry, but I didn't notice madbunny's entry until afterwards. To quote:
"I've also noticed that most of the girls that posted their pics are on the cute side of things. Not, that I mind looking at cute girls or anything, but I wonder if it's intimidating to the other girls that don't think of themselves that way. So I started thinking about it a bit. I think women (and probably girls) are way to harsh on themselves when it comes to what they look like. "
Namely, I would like to discuss the last sentence, but I'll start with the other parts first.
1. Very true, there are a lot of attractive women on this site. I guess the saying "pretty people = bad editors" isn't true. (Actually, as far as the guys are concerned, after seeing your picture, I had this mental image of you going around referring to yourself as "Bunneh" and calling people "foo" in some twisted Mr. T-esque way.)
2. Am I intimidated by the pretty girls on this site? Yes and no. Yes, because I know that just by batting their eyes they can earn undeserved praise and recognition. However, no, because it's not like I'm ever going to meet most of them - and if I do, I'm certainly going to do my best to make friends with them. I mean, how often do I get to meet other chicks that enjoy the same things I do? Definitely not around this town.
3. I agree that girls are too harsh on themselves, but it's not always without justification. Now, I'm going to be speaking from personal experience here, so please DO NOT take this as me generalizing all girls. Hell, I'm far from what most girls are like. Anyway, let's start from the beginning. When I was young, I was always that person who was at the butt end of every little kid's joke. You know, how they always would say crap like "well, you're gonna marry So-and-so!", and then all the kids laugh at the mentioned person's expense? Well, I was always that "So-and-so." Okay, so maybe it's just a childish joke, but you have to keep in mind that I was a child too, then, and things like that really hurt when no one is there to tell you otherwise. I only had one or two friends, and although I gained a few more in middle school, I was generally a loner. By the time I hit high school, and all of the girls were in their boy-crazy stage, I had already resigned to the fact that no one really liked me in "that way." I went through all of high school without having anyone EVER tell me that they liked me. You know what I did instead? I told every single one of my female friends every single day that I loved them, and that they were pretty (or in the case of one of my friends, that she was adorable - which she was.) Having men treat you like you don't even exist hurts like HELL. It eats away at your self esteem, and every day that passes, you start wondering if maybe there really IS something wrong with you. Since I never met a guy who told me otherwise, what am I supposed to think? And no, before the topic even arises, I don't read fashion magazines of any kind, and I couldn't give a fuck less about celebrities. Thus, I don't compare myself to them. It's not a fair comparison anyway, since I don't have the make up artists and the digital effects backing me up. Anyway, I would also like to mention that to this day, I remain a never-been-kissed virgin, who has also never been asked out on a date, and has ALSO never met a guy who had any romantic interest in her. To be fair, I have to admit that I am only eighteen, and that I don't want a boyfriend anyway, but it really bugs me that I've never even been given the chance. With all of that known, is it really any wonder why I would be so "harsh" on myself? It's tough to feel pretty when the entire world is insisting the opposite.
But you know...with the story I just told you, do you know what most people will do? They'll try to tell me either that I'm not ugly, or that it won't be like that forever, or, my favorite bullshit one of them all, that I'm too young to know that's true. I have news for those folks: it doesn't matter if you're eighteen or eighty, being rejected and/or neglected hurts a LOT.
Anyway, I'm going to stop here, before I get too emo about it. There's a lot more I could say about my personal experiences, but I think I've gotten my point across. I hope that this clarifies things at least a little bit, Madbunny.
- So-and-so -
One hundred fifteenth entry - Camera Obscura
2006-03-09 17:14:47
Time - 4:01, Noise - TATU - "All About Us"
You know...I really wish I owned Saikano. It's not that I'm a huge fan of the anime - I mean, it was good, but it was a little too over-the-top angsty at times. Mostly, it's just because there are so many good AMV ideas that I've come up with for it. My newest one is especially bugging me. It's an idea that I know I could do and do WELL if I ever got the chance.
As for my current project...yeah, still no work done on it. You see, folks, this is why I don't do MEPs. I can't get a video done by a deadline. It's also the same reason why I'll probably never enter my videos into contests.
So...let's see what's on my agenda for tonight. Eat dinner, write an opinion, play Fatal Frame III (again). That seems reasonable. I really wish FFIII wasn't so damn difficult. The ghosts are just CHEAP in that game. I mean, the first game was really tough, but not impossible. The second game was ridiculously easy, even on Nightmare Mode. Now, the third one trumps them all in difficulty. Not to mention that you spend a LOT of time just backtracking, so you get lost constantly. Your objectives are rarely clear, either. Story-wise, it's a very good game, and I love the imagery, but...it's just lacking something to really make me enjoy it the same way I enjoyed the second game, and the first one to some extent. I adore Fatal Frame II. Everything about it was just put together really well. I wish the third game had been more like that.
Anyway, I need to eat. See ya, folks.
- Jen -
One hundred fourteenth entry - fuck you and everybody who looks like you...
2006-03-08 17:23:22
Time - 4:13, Noise - Placebo - "Taste in Men"
So yeah...like I mentioned in my last entry, I posted my picture on Hot or Not. Well, the results came back. All 410 of them.
3.8.
Yes, folks, you read it here first. dj_ultima_the_great is a fugly bitch. Or so says the rest of the world. I'm beginning to wonder just how unpleasant those who know me think I look.
Believe me, folks, this shit is a hundred times harsher than reading Cosmo, Seventeen, or whatever thinly veiled attempt at suggestive underage porn you like to indulge in. This is the real thing. Normal, everyday people judging normal, everyday people. Much like quick comments on this site, because the rankings are anonymous, they are also brutally honest.
And there you have it. Another experiment performed, another notch on my self-esteem permanently destroyed.
Another day that I've let pass without working on an AMV.
Or a story.
Fuck.
- Jen
JOURNAL: dj_ultima_the_great (Jen )
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