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problems
2004-04-06 09:56:31
I went over to Miaka's yesterday, well, it was more like sneaking over. You see, when I got there, nobody answered the door, but the key was in the door still. So I figured I'd bring the key in and leave. So I went upstairs, and found Miaka sleeping in her bed. I placed the key down beside her, and kissed her on the head before turning to leave. Unfortunitly my lack of grace woke her up. So i layed in bed with her, thinking she'd go back to bed, which she would have if I wasn't so horny that day. So I kissed her, and we started making out, when suddenly she stopped me. It turns out I'd been moving a little to fast for her, and she wasn't very comfertable about it. This was fine with me, I had no problem with slowing down. So we talked about it for a while. I turns out that she felt like it wasn't right. She'd enjoy it while it was happening, but then she'd feel bad later. She actually started crying about it all, which made me feel horrable, cause I'm the one that usually makes the first move into things. We did work it out though, and we're fine now.
I do have another problem hat I really need to fix, because it really scares me. You see, I have a monsterous sex drive. Like I can't stop myself when I get going. I can tell I shouldn't do something, but I can't stop myself from doing it. Like while at Miaka's yesterday while she was trying to go back to sleep. I wanted to just hold her in my arms, and wait for her to slip back int dreamland before I left, but I couldn't help it. What really scared me was the second time I tried to get a hand down her pants. I tried to force it, even though I knew she didn't want me too. I was met with a quick reaction. She grabbed my hand, and I looked up to see her face. What I saw was a look of pure terror. It really scares me, cause I don't want to do these things. Well, I want to, but I know I shouldn't. I just can't stop myself. I'm actually afraid to do anything with Miaka, cause I don't want to lose control, and do something stupid. I really don't know what to do..... - something that isn't revolving around Miaka 2004-03-30 11:10:17 I'm quiting my job at Mcdonalds for a while. It's not that I don't like working there, cause I do. The people there are cool shit, but Mcdonald's has this policy about facial piercings. So I have to quit until my ears heal. I'm gonna get two piercings in each ear, I figured it would be somethin different. I'll probubly get them this Sunday, so I'll update you about them then.
- What a turn around ^^ 2004-03-26 18:43:00 Miaka and I fixed things up, and we're dating again. You have no clue how happy this has made me ^^
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Life sucks
2004-03-26 10:39:47
Every day has become it's own little hell. I can't help but think about her. I miss holding her, talking to her, and most of all I miss her smile. Not like the hello kind of smile, but the kind of smile that made everything feel right. Now I walk past her in the hall, and I'm reminded of all the things I may never have again.
I talked to Miaka today, and told her how I felt. Then I kissed her, and she kissed me back. I'm not sure what to think at the moment. She's told me she still has feelings for me, and I still love her very much. I felt like I was cheating myself. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I wanted to experiance what I had with her again, and for one moment I felt good. Like everything was good again, but then she gave me this look, and suddenly I was in the cold hell of reality. Life sucks..... -
.......
2004-03-24 11:14:59
Miaka and I are no more....... She told me that she had kissed Yugi, and that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship. If she wasn't ready for one then why did she drag me along for so long? Then I hear from yugi that Miaka thought I was moving to fast, which makes little sence. I told Miaka repeatedly that if she was uncomfertable about something, tell me and I'll stop. To fast my ass......
Now I'm faced with a big problem. now that I'm single do I go after the person I've had a crush on since 8th grade, of do I let Miaka take her? I've known Yugi for a while, and she's a really great person, but I never thought I'd have a chance with her. But just a couple of days ago I was talking to her, and she said she doesn't care who she dates, boy or girl, she doesn't care as long as she likes them. Now this opened a door for me, but at the time I was dating Miaka, and I didn't want to leave her, or hurt her. But seeing I'm single again I might have a chance........
JOURNAL: sugoroku
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