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not again v.v
2004-08-13 23:42:45
I went to my dad's house for the week, and got to meet his new family. I fit in just fine, except all but my dad are homophobes >< so I put on the I'm a tough gangster face, and went about my week. It was actually really cool. I got to drive around in my aunt's van, cause I got my permit now ^^ I must say that I'm a very good driver.
Which reminds me, my dad has a car for me. It's an old Monty Carlo. It's a monster! sounds like it would rip apart any car down a street, granted it does need some repairs. Like the brake line needs replacing. After that's fixed I'll be able to drive it ^^
But to the main subject of this post. It fuckin happened again >< I was lying in my bed at dad's house, and I was listenin to the radio, and they had to play The scientist. I couldn't help but think of Miaka. I started crying, and started thinking about how she put me behind her. I know she doesn't look at it that way, but that's what she does. She puts her past behind her, and never looks back. I think she's afraid of the pain in her past, and if that's the case she's a fuckin coward. Running from her past to avoid pain. That's why she thinks I can just be a friend. She doesn't understand that not all her past is bad. Maybe that's why she would give me another chance. She rants on about this "Tidus" character, and it sickens me. I don't know him personally, but from what everyone else says I'm twice as good he'll ever be, and that Miaka made a mistake. And they're fuckin right! I would give the world to her if I could. She just can't see that anymore.....
You know what, fuck this! I'm tired of dodging around names and shit, it slows my typing to remember not to use nicknames, so here it is. Miaka is actually Caitlin, and Tidus is so fucktard named Nate! Gasp, I used real names what's gonna happen now? Nothing but the same old shit, I'm still in love with Caitlin, Caitlin's still not gonna look back, and Heather still loves Keven, but you know what? I DON'T CARE, I'm fuckin tired of it all, and I hope to hell caitlin calls me when she reads this so I can really tell her what's goin on in my head, I'm sure she'll just love to listen to me........ - durrrrrr 2004-08-05 21:07:42 Ummmmmm........ ya, just another plain day in sugorokuland.......... bought tekken 4 though. that game kicks ass!
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Rain is so kick ass
2004-08-03 22:56:13
I went to go visit Heather at her house. I couldn't stay long though v.v I had driver's ed, and it looked like it was gonna rain. She did show me around her house, and introduced me to her roommates? I guess you call them that, you see she lives in an opertunity farm with a bunch of other girls. Anyway, we spent some time together, and played some basketball. I kicked her ass with little remorse ^^ Eventually I left to try and beat the thunder storm, which was baring down on us as we played.
needless to say I didn't make it home in time. about half way there I was nailed by a massive storm. I love rain though, so it wasn't that bad. I did end up taking my shirt off as I walked along, because it was soaked, and bugging me. As I walked along I realized I look pretty damn sexy with out a shirt on ^^ so did some people who passed me by in their car ^.~ They told me I was hot as they drove by. I did eventually get home, and changed out of my wet pants, then I was off to driver's ed for another boring class. @.@ -
holy shit @.@
2004-08-02 00:56:33
Heather was over today. It was like noon, and I was still sleeping ^^; she turned my lights on, and blinded me. It was nice to see her though, granted I didn't want to move much, so I invited her into my bed. She accepted graciously, and she lay in bed with me for a while.
We talked alot, and I found out that we have alot in common about our pasts. She had a boyfriend that broke her heart (I had miaka), she had problems with her parents (mine ran off), and we both bottle emotions.
After a while we started getting into some heavy touching. I had oral sex for the first time @.@ She's talented, and I wasn't exactly bad (for a first timer). I had her all in a twist with some skillz a friend explained to me. We almost ended up having sex, but I didn't have a condom with me v.v They were all up stairs, and I wasn't risking my parents finding out about my sexual activities.
So when my tongue finally died on me we kinda sat around and watched tv. Once again we talked, and cuddled a little.
DRIVER'S ED
I got into a fight with a complete psycopath. I guess he's a 'dangerous' person, but he punches like my little brother. It all started when I finally desided to speak up about all the shit he'd been doin to my friends and I. Anyway, after I yelled at him he didn't say a word until after class. The fucker tried to push me down a flight of stairs! luckly I didn't fall, and before I knew it I had spun around and nailed the kid in the gut with a left. After that we traded a few punches before the teacher broke us up. -
like still sucks, but in a lesser degree
2004-07-31 13:59:49
I finally reached a point with miaka were I can actually talk to her. I no longer seem to be burdened with the pain of loss, granted I still do miss her very much so, and will always be waiting for her, even if she never comes back. *sigh* I hate that about me, I can't just let people go, expecially people that I hold dear to my heart. I guess that will never change.
I have moved on though, kinda....... I mean ya, I found a great girl, but I'd drop her for miaka any day. Sad isn't it? Anyway, I don't really have a nickname for her, so I'll use her first name, Heather. She's a really great girl, a little over active, but great. We sit on the phone just opening up to each other, and I find myself forgeting about my suicidal past.
That's right, I was inches away from killing myself, and it was miaka who saved me. The one person that caused me to reach my limits also saved me from them. Which is really wierd.
Anyway, Heather and I do have our differances, but at the same time some very strong similarities. For instance, and yes I know this will sound shallow, we both enjoy sexual activity alot. Which is good, because that's one part of me that I can't hold back all the time. I kinda zone out when I'm horny, and can't stop myself from doin things, but Heather isn't afraid, of all things she enjoys it.
I really don't have that much else to say, so I'll say bye for now
JOURNAL: sugoroku
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